I received a wedding invitation to my cousin's wedding. This cousin and I barely know one another- I honestly don't know that I could pick him out of a crowd unless I knew specifically he was there. We have never socialized outside of saying hello at large family functions we both attended. He's significantly younger than I am and we've just never had any type of relationship.

Therefore, I'm not sure why I'm invited. I do have a distant relationship with my Aunt and Uncle (his parents) and suspect that I ended up on the invite list because of that. Or maybe just because I'm related- we don't have a large family presence in the State I live in, just 9 of us total.

I don't have a lot of interest in going to the wedding, but I'm torn. Despite barely knowing this cousin, would it be inexcusably rude to decline the invite? I don't begrudge them a present, and would gladly send them one. However, my mother and this Aunt and Uncle are feuding right now. That's not why I don't want to go, but it creates a level of awkwardness either way. If I go, that feud hangs over my head and it's possible they may say things or even ask me to play referee between them and my Mom. If I don't go, I risk them thinking that I'm expanding the feud by refusing to go.

The reality is that as a rule I don't enjoy formal occasions and generally only accept invites to ones for people I am close to.

This is only the third wedding invitation I've ever received and the first two I attended (close friends) so I don't really know if I just need to suck it up and go, or if I can gracefully decline and send a gift instead.

What do you all think?

It isn't rude to decline! I have a large family and generally everyone gets invited to weddings which makes it expensive to have a wedding in my family. I would say, send the RSVP declining with a note wishing them well. You could also choose to send a gift but I don't think you are obligated.

I agree with nelie. You don't have to go just because you were invited. I think a nice note with a gift (if you choose to send one) would be nice. Let them know that you appreciated the invitation, but are unable to make it.

you could respectfully apologize for not attending because you already made other commitments within that time frame.....

.....including a nap and your favorite tv show, but you shouldn't mention that part

There is nothing wrong with declining. If you hardly know him, I would wager that his parents expected an invitation to distant family out of formality and that he probably doesn't want to foot the bill to practical strangers!

Given your distant relationship with the cousin, I see no reason to feel badly about declining the invite. And I wouldn't necessarily feel compelled to give a gift, personally, unless the aunt and uncle gave a sizable gift to me for my own wedding. I'd probably just send a nice congratulations card to the couple.

I would decline the invite and send a gift. I'm shopping for a baby shower gift right now (thank you, Amazon!) for the daughter of a cousin I haven't seen in years. I might recognize the cousin, I promise I would NOT recognize the daughter so I'm not going, but a gift seems necessary. I'm sure at some point my cousin sent a wedding gift or shower gift or something to me. Who knows. Ignoring the invite seems like a snub, going seems ridiculous. So here's a box of diapers and some wipes, congrats!

Thanks everyone. I feel more assured now that I'm not committing some grievous faux pas by declining the invite. I appreciate the feedback.

I once remember someone I know telling me "It's an invitation, not a summons."

You can't control how your aunt and uncle will respond but if they choose to see your lack of presence as a snub, then that's their unfortunate choice.

I would decline and then call them. Very graciously say something along the lines of..."I know we don't keep in touch but I personally wanted to congratulate you and wish you all the best. I unfortunately cannot attend for whatever reason but I will be thinking about you all day." That would be a little warmer than a decline letter, and would clear any doubt of you not attending for feud reasons.

I think some people just invite everyone. I received a Save the Date two years in advance for an out of state female relative I had seen once as a newborn. We have a massive family and I could not even figure out who it was at first. If my Mom had not called me saying that she had been invited to the wedding I would have had to ask who she was.

Along with the Save the Date, was a list of about twenty places they were registered. I assumed that was just a way to get gifts. I realize that etiquette has changed over the years, but I am still offended by unrequested registry lists. I think that some people just invite everyone so as not to offend anyone and others are hoping for a huge payout in gifts.

In your case, you may have specifically been invited so as not to upset your mother regarding the feud. If I were you, I would just send a nice note like other people suggested so that you are adding fuel to the feud fire.