Confessing that I secretly hoped I was pregnant this month as I had to jump through hoops to get my fertility meds straightened out. I was hoping it would be a bittersweet victory that I went through a bunch of insurance b/s that resulted them in overnighting them to me and I got them this morning. I was hoping it would turn out that I wouldn't need them.

TOM was due yesterday and I didn't have any PMS signs. Haven't felt like myself the last 10 days or so, I was so hoping it meant I was pregnant.

Picked up a pregnancy test today. Got a big fat negative. 2 hours later, TOM started. If I had just been more patient. But I can't. I'm so stressed out.

Elvis I hope it's ok to give you a


I confess that I honestly think I have no control. I have days when I will take a healthy lunch but there are times when I have packed a lunch that looks like my children packed it. I eat in my truck so no one sees. I feel like I've done really good when I eat healthy but I also feel good when I eat 2 sundaes, a fry and a large Sprite.

I have one of those...and I confess that I was secretly a little happy when I saw her last month after not seeing her since Christmas and she had gained a lot of weight...petty, yes...but oh if you only knew what I had to deal with.

Elvis - that has happened to me too, so many times...I sometimes wonder why I even bother to buy the tests anymore.

IanG - I don't dare lick my fingers if I get any kind of sugary/fatty goodness on them...I worry I might start going through the trash for the left overs.

zoesmom - I worry about the same things - my husband didn't really have anything to worry about when I weighed 300+ lbs...not because I wasn't attractive at that weight, but because I didn't feel attractive at that weight and I wouldn't have dared to flirt with anyone or let anyone flirt with me. I worry things will change with the more weight I lose as he doesn't seem overly interested in sharing this journey with me - he's not as overweight as I am, but he is still a good 70-80 lbs overweight and I fear my feelings for him will change. He's amazing and supportive, but I can hear the uncertainty in his tone when he asks me how much I want to lose and why, and it makes me so sad.

I confess that i always tell myself that i'll start exercising and i'll do it at least 4 times a week for a good 45 minutes to an hour. Then i never do. I also confess to having a great manual Elliptical that's been collecting dust and clothes since i bought it(over 2 years ago), even though i keep telling myself i'll start using it at some point, but i never do.

Sending love your way, girl. Your attitude is exactly what you need to keep going. You are doing everything in your power and we're here for you. I'm glad the pills came in time, though. Maybe not this time, but maybe next month!

Sorry to hear your bad news Elvis

You've got two journeys going on here at once but your spirit will see you through. And we got your back on at least one of 'em!

I confess that I've been trying to lose weight for 9 years and am bigger by 60 pounds than when I started at age 13.

(But I should also confess I'm okay with it.)

OH! ELVIS!!!!

I'm not worried my feelings will change...I idolize my guy, almost to a sickening worship level. I think I voiced my concern poorly. What concerns me is the thinner I get, the more attention I get, the more he pushes me aside because he thinks I am losing interest in him (he HAS gone as far to tell me to sleep with someone else because he thought he wasn't man enough for me anymore...I had to stop that thought process RIGHT THEN and there. I'm showing MORE interest in him and he is showing less in me because of whatever his hangups are about me losing weight. We will get through this, it is just a rut right now ), and the more I realize he really has no interest in changing his outlook, which in turn makes me wonder if I am to blame, and if so where do I go from here? I love my husband, heart, body, and soul. And I KNOW he loves me. He is just having confidence issues as I am washing myself clear of confidence issues and it is just making things temporarily ...akward. All will be good. It just takes time.

^^ This exactly. I buy PT's in bulk online at this point to save money. If it cheers you up, Elvis, I've had TOM start while I was taking a pregnancy test - it wasn't funny at the time, but it makes me laugh remembering it! Seems like at least a few of us here know how horrible negative pregnancy tests are when you're struggling to conceive - we're holding you close! If you ever need someone to talk to one-on-one about your TTC journey, shoot me a message - even after years and years of TTC the doula side of me still likes to chat fertility and women's health!

Thank you everyone. I was really sad when it happened but it wasn't a total surprise.

I didn't post until after I told my husband what happened. It's like it became more real when I had say it out loud. He's amazingly supportive but I just feel like I keep disappointing him.

From what you've told us of your hubby, Elvis, you could never disappoint him. Ever. Especially when it comes to your body. <3

Me too, and it's led to some interesting scenarios. And I'm MARRIED!!!!

TY sweetie, he says the same thing too. And my doctors say the same too, that I have done everything they've asked and more. That everything now is out of my control, it's all about the medication (and prayers!). Losing all this weight since last summer and getting in optimal (for me) shape with all of my exercise is all I could do. But I want to do more...like move mountains or something.

Just ran across this thread..what a great idea!

I confess, that there are times I consider staying fat, because I am scared of what l will look like with loose skin. Is that sick or what?

I also confess that I am a selfish pain in the *** and I am completely impatient with everything. I want the designer jeans NOW but I want the cupcake too!

I confess to totally eating off plan while spending an hour on the phone telling my sister how easy my plan is to follow. Sometimes I even amaze myself.