I just want to admit it out loud... I've been anorexic/bulimic since I was 14... I am now almost 39... I do okay for a few years... and then I'm triggered again... right now I'm in a bad place with it... my gorgeous amazing much younger boyfriend has just lost almost 75 pounds and has gained abs and incredible arms and shoulders and some serious confidence... and here I am... almost 300 pounds... wanting to get this off and be healthy with him... and if I eat more than 500 calories a day I freak out... then I will binge and puke it up... I've been on every diet... I lost a lot on Paleo... but now my life has gotten in the way... and here comes the starvation and binging again... I'm thankful to be here... cause this time... I'm going to find a way to beat the disorder... and for once be as hot as the love of my life...

I haven't experienced a disorder like that and I'm really sorry you're dealing with this.

But I mainly wanted to say, you ARE hot, you just haven't let yourself see it yet. I'm not anywhere close to where I want to be, but just knowing that EVENTUALLY, I can do this, allows me to tell myself and actually believe that I am hot and sexy.

You will get there. It's hard work, and a slow process but so worth it. You can do this!

thanks!...
the last few days have been easier...
Phil. 4:13 is one of my favorite verses btw...
it's the verse on the ring I wear everyday

It's a powerful verse. I got it tattooed on my upper thigh earlier this year. And good! Glad to hear it.

I'm so glad you have decided to be honest and open about how you are feeling and what you're going through.

I don't know your relationship, but if you have a strong bond with your boyfriend, I would recommend telling him so you can have his support while you work on your self image, which is the first step- not the food.

If you can't talk to him about it, I strongly recommend you confide in a wonderful friend or family member.

Next step, vegetables. Allow yourself to eat as many as you want, you will feel full full full, but will still have consumed few calories. Do not eat under 1200 calories a day, you will ruin your metabolism and gain weight (this will make you feel worse, right?).

Avoid a scale, numbers do NOT define what makes you beautiful. When you tell a joke, your friends don't laugh because of what you weigh, when you put on an awesome lipstick, the color doesn't change because of what you weigh, your self worth is not determined by a number. Learn to love your body, respect it, and treat it well, it is the ONLY body you will ever get. Take care of it by putting nourishment into it.

As for your boyfriend looking super hot, I've been there. Abs aren't so easy for girls, so just tell him he looks great, and then focus on getting yourself healthy and loving yourself. You're hot too, it's your mind that needs some work and the rest will follow. Once you've consciously decided to take care of yourself and love yourself and your boyfriend for who each of you are and how you treat each other, then begin NOT DIETING, but eating tons of veggies, chicken and turkey, fish, and fruits.

I wish you the best of luck. You will never fail until you've given up.