Venting for my own sake here, so a bit disorganized, but if you happen to be a parent or over-scheduled individual who can offer insight/advice, it is always welcome and appreciated.
I realized today that the time I spend reading and commenting on 3FC is the only time I spend just quietly doing something I consider to be for me and me alone.
Since transferring to my school, and away from my sisters and established friends...I do nothing outside of school, work, and caring for the children/house. Being relatively new to the area coupled with my weight, non-traditional status, and busy schedule, I have not a single local friend. Well, other than my fiance, but he's pretty busy too! I never realized before how tough it is for me when I don't have my sisters and best friend around, they all have children and professional lives...and I can relate to them...I can't easily relate to the childless 19 year olds that dominate the university scene...most of them don't even know what a toddler is. JK!
In January I did begin to workout, typically by hopping on The New Year Treadmill or tossing the twiblings in the double stroller and heading out to pretend like I am a runner. So, I consider that personal time as well.
Don't get me wrong here, I love my kids to death and I don't necessarily require more "me time", but I question my decision to complete my degree when my kids are little. Sometimes I feel like I'm stretching myself so thin it's making me fat, haha!
The babies' bedtime is 8, but as most of you know...bedtime doesn't always mean sleeptime...and my toddlers are famously resistant to it...repeatedly scaling baby gates and cribs to ask for a second, third, tenth glass of water. As a result, the bedtime "routine" typically lasts from 7:30-9:30 including bath, books, and rebuttals. I then have homework to do of course, and am often up until the wee hours doing that...intermittently allowing myself a 3FC "break" from school-related writing.
I am very fortunate that my future MIL lives nearby and is retired, she offered to provide daycare for us at a much more affordable rate than a state-certified daycare. This is wonderful, except, as often happens when you make such an arrangement with family...I feel that I can't just directly tell her what I want...for example: I do not own a TV, I think they are a waste of money and time, and there is little of substance to be gleaned from watching them. We do watch the occasional documentary or movie on the computer, and the children are allowed to watch up to 1 hr a day, but only in Spanish to reinforce our efforts to teach them a 2nd language. My MIL is very sweet and loving, and I appreciate her, but she has cartoons on all day long. I've had my fiance mention it to her so as not to offend her, but she hasn't reduced their TV time. It is something that is important to me but I don't want to seem unappreciative of the reduced rate, or come across as condescending by telling her too much TV limits children's ability to concentrate and form their own ideas.
I often feel I miss out on being able to raise my kids strictly in my OWN way, which is why I question my decision to be in school. I miss my kids! I want to spend more time with them, and not with my nose in a book while they play at the playground!
That said...I'm more than halfway done...and "putting it off" would mean relinquishing substantial scholarship assistance (which requires full-time enrollment). I want to set an example of achievement for my kids, but I get concerned that it is going to take from their upbringing. I suppose I'd rather they watch some TV than watch me quit...
I've considered letting go of my scholarships to attend 1/2 time next year, but I feel I would be disappointing myself and my own parents.
^Note to self-mom was right about everything...even the part about getting your degree(s) before having babies. Haha! Well, life isn't always linear, it doesn't really matter what I SHOULD have done, only what I choose to do from here on out...which is to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.