I have a little issue on my hands and I don't really know how to approach it, lol. I have a friend who has voiced to me that he wants to start going to the gym, and asked me if he could go with me when I go. Like, being my new gym buddy. I wouldn't have a problem with this at all, except he doesn't have a car so it's really more like he just wants to me to take him to the gym so he can work out. And I'm wondering if he thinks if he goes through me, he can get a free ride and a "free" membership. He's told me to just let him know whenever I'm going... but I don't want to have to go get him every time I want to go to the gym. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I don't want him to rely on me to get to the gym. I'm not gonna go every day, and I wanna go whenever I wanna go and not have to worry about him and what he's doing. Is that selfish? Would you take him up on that? I don't know what to tell him without sounding like a selfish jerk.

If he's getting into the gym for free by going with you and you're giving him a ride there, then I think its completely fair to have him work around your gym schedule! And if you don't want to go with him all the time, maybe pick a day or two each week where you plan on going together, and then just explain to him that the rest of the week you go whenever you have a break in your day so you can't reliable commit to a time with him.

Relying solely on you to get to a "free" gym isn't really your problem. I'd tell him straight forward that you'll take him a few times to see how he likes it but you're not willing to do this all the time. I find most people with financial trouble w/ no car swear the Earth revolves around them.

I can see that you feel like he would be using you. I understand and in your shoes I'd feel a kind of resentment. I don't know that I would be able to drive him either. My suggestion, tell him that because you don't have set days and times that you go that it would be difficult to coordinate. Otherwise you can tell him that while you are willing you have a budget and can't afford to pick him up every time. See if he would be willing to give you gas money.

Can you agree and then just call to let him know you are going when it's convenient for you and you are willing to pick him up? It doesn't have to be every time you go, just when want to include him.

If he wants to go more often or at different times, then he can figure out alternate transportation for that on his own.

I'm not sure how the free membership thing works though - can you bring a guest every single time you go? If it's not extra money for you, then I wouldn't worry about that aspect, and he can figure out his own membership if he ends up going other times besides the ones you are willing to take him.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to call him only those days you want the work-out company and can take him without it being a pain for you. Or pick one day a week (and he can find another way there for the other days). How far does he live from you? That would get annoying if you were often driving across town to pick him up and take him back home. I think the important thing would be not feeling guilty or responsible if you cannot take him often.




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In my experience this sort of thing never ends well... You'll probably end up feeling "put out" at some point... and your friend will probably wind up resenting YOU if God forbid you should go to the gym without him... Just doesn't sound like a workable situation to me... maybe if he had his own car and could meet you at the gym it would be different... but even then what if he's late and you have to wait to start your workout? I don't know about you, but that would annoy me...

All I know is I have a hard enough getting to the gym and if I had to coordinate with someone else and pick them up... well, that just wouldn't work for me...

If it was a really good friend I would take him on days I wanted company. There are plenty of days I want to work out alone.

I think it is great he wants to be more active and hit the gym with you and should be encouraged if possible. Some people need a buddy, at least initially until they get more confident.

Does he live really close to you? Or a even a bit out of the way? If he lives really close it wouldn't be to inconvenient, but if it a a bit out of the way or more, it would be a pain.

I think it boils down to how close of a friend he is, how close he lives, and your expectations of your gym time.

Good luck!

I would tell him nicely that I don't want to be obligated.

Ditto

Totally, exactly!

I've gotten in situations similar, and I absolutely and completely dislike having someone basically put their stuff in MY hands. Nope, no way! Can't end well, you're already hesitant!

Double ditto. I wouldn't even try it.

If He's A Great Friend: I would tell him that I don't really have much of a routine right now because of my work schedule and that I like to work out alone, but if he wants to do it kind of "be-free, be-flexible", then I would do it.

If He's Just A Friend: I would ask him, "Oh, wow, you got a gym membership there? I had no idea! But right now I can't promise when I'll be going to the gym because it kind of depends on what I'm doing and when I need to work." Hopefully, he'll get the hint that you're not offering to take him there.

If He's Just An Acquaintance: I would just tell him that I'm super busy and that I'm still figure out a regular gym schedule but maybe he has another friend he knows that can help him out.


Saying no to someone isn't being a *****. You have to learn to figure out what your boundaries are with the person you're dealing with. I would do a lot for my best friends but not so much to people I know less and much less for anyone that's just an acquaintance. It doesn't make you a ***** to say no - it makes you smart. Maybe this guy will turn out to be your BFF but he's not right now -- and if you resent him because you said yes, when you really wanted to say no, you'll never get to know him and find out he's your future BFF.

And if you've known him for a long time and he's not your BFF (and obviously you don't want to drive him around) then don't do it! It's a waste of your time and you'll resent and regret it later... which makes it'll get worse.

Saying no now might be uncomfortable, but it's better than making him into someone who really hates you because something happened at the gym -- you left him stranded, he didn't finish his work out fast enough for you, whatever.

I don't even tell my roommate every time I go work out. Sometimes I'll give her a heads up and invite her, but other times I really just want me time.

If it wasn't out of your way and you could figure out 2-3 set days/times that work for both of you, I might be willing to do it.

You don't even have to worry about this. It sounds like he was asking for an open invitation rather than a huge question you need to stop your life for and think about and then sit him down and give your answer.

Just keep going to the gym and doing what you're doing without him. If he brings it up again, just say something like "it's too much hassle for me to go with someone, I just like to go alone". and that's it. case closed.

People always feel the need to explain themselves to other people or protect their feelings, but you really don't have to. It's your life.

I've experienced times in my life where someone has said "no" to me or given me an obvious hint. And I get it, and move on.