Okay, a little back story. I've suffered from depression, anxiety, and bipolar for many years. I've been on different meds, dosages, and combos and nothing has really worked, at least not long term, with helping me.
At times I go through really low periods when I just cut myself off from everyone and everything. (I know it isn't healthy, but can't help myself.) People who really know me, know this happens and are really understanding and and give me my space. Then, when I start climbing out of the abyss and see the sun, my friends are happy to see me and glad I came out unscathed.
I made a friend about 2 years ago and we met at the funeral of a mutual friend. She has been a very thoughtful friend, and even came to the hospital to support me when my sister almost died last year. This friend became friends with a long time friend of mine through Facebook. That is fine by me because I'm not some "friend hoarder" who can't share. (Trust me, I know people who ARE friend hoarders! )
At around the beginning of December I spiralled fast. I quit Facebook (told my friends I was leaving), quit watching news, and retreated into myself, only being available emotionally for my husband and kids. My husband knew I was struggling and knew I had cut off the outside world. He supported me through, like he always does.
About a week ago I finally felt good enough to reach out and touch the world again. I sent my two girl friends text messages (they do most of their communication via text and Facebook. Hardly ever actually call.) and Facebook messages. NEITHER of them replied to me, and both started posting FB messages like, "Don't make someone a priority if they make you an option" and "Lose some Gain a Lot...and I don't mean weight!" Both of them "lol'd" at the comments and "liked" them. Then one was posted today that said "I don't like you. My best friend doesn't either." I'm like, WTH?
I even apologized that my absence would have been taken as intentional avoidance, or that by not being available I hurt them. No reply. Nothing. From either one.
This past year was really hard on me. I moved to another state away from my family and my friends. I lost my best friend unexpectedly 11 Sep 2012. (Learned last night she had heart failure. ) My sister almost died and had to be kept in a medically induced coma. We started homeschooling and it is an adjustment. I landed in the ER because I felt like I was dying. (Wound up being low blood sugar and very low potassium levels.) I think all of this compounded my despressive nature and I just plummeted.
I can't imagine "punishing" any of my loved ones (or anyone for that matter) for taking the time they needed to focus on themselves so they could get better.
So here's my issue: I'm hurt that they would both be acting this way. I want to keep reaching out to them to "fix it." But on the other hand, it makes me wonder if they were ever really my friends to begin with, if I hit rock bottom and they turn their backs to me.
I have made contact several times, and apologized via text. (They won't answer their phones when I call, by the way.) I can just "hear" them laughing behind my back and talking crap. Paranoia, I'm sure.
Advice, thoughts please?