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Shannon, yes, you understand. I've added boldface emphasis to the part of your post that speaks to my greatest fear, which is crossing the line into complete rigidity & obsession, probably clinically classifiable as an eating disorder. Yeah, let me call it what it really is: An eating disorder. That's the shapeshifting monster that I wrestle with. There is a really fine line between vigilance in maintenance and in dropping into those behaviors. Sometimes I'm on a balance beam, sometimes I lose my balance and fall off onto the unhealthy side. It doesn't help that, technically, it's not **physically** unhealthy, as I never eat more healthily or get more exercise than when I'm lost in the obsession.Originally Posted by Shannon in ATL
Reading your post actually made me take a hard look at myself as I was thinking of my response to you - I say to you take the job, write for yourself, take the risks. If they are what you want. Like Jessica said, you can adapt to the new situation and still take care of yourself. If you don't do those things out of fear of what might happen you walk closer to closing yourself off completely and giving over to the obsession of maintaining that image. You have to trust yourself to continue to take care of things, so you don't crash. And you can take care of things, you're awesome.
I don't want my life to be all about defending and protecting my eating disorder and exercise obsession.