I have spent the last year accepting that I had an alcohol problem that needed attention. I also quit smoking and have been trying to get healthy.

The road to weight loss has been longer than expected. I have had to work through unhealthy dieting attempts, healthy but too low calorie for my body, attempts at mindful eating that ended in weight gain, the realization that I have a problem with binge eating, separating exercise from weight loss...pushing through all those times where I just want to give up and stop trying.

So many things, and the past few months I've been really grounding myself mentally and physically. I was doing yoga and meditating, exploring what my true feelings about spirituality and faith are and basically just figuring out what I need to do to get myself healthy and happy. I haven't seen weight loss yet, and it's upsetting but it's because I haven't been trying very hard.

I've been seeing this guy for the past three weeks and it made me start to think...should I even be dating? I really like him, but with work, college and my attempts to lose weight I don't feel like it's a necessary distraction. We haven't even decided if we're dating and I'm constantly wondering if I should bring it up or what's going to happen. It's a major distraction and on top of that I have to deal with him seeing my body. I'm pretty confident and he has not expressed dislike but I still have that old voice in the back of my head wondering if I'm just a distraction for him until something better comes along...

And all of those thoughts are distracting, especially when I was finally seeing inside myself and reaching a place where I was making so much progress mentally and physically. I really didn't think I was going to be in this situation for a long while, considering I rarely go out except with good friends.


So...I'm not really asking what you think I should do, but what do you all think? How do you feel about dating/seeing someone when you're trying to focus on loving yourself first?

well... this is a difficult question to answer. it is definitely true that dating is a HUGE distraction when you are trying to lose weight. not only in itself, but a lot of dating activities involve food and eating out and it's easy to go overboard with the calories.

to someone who has trouble focusing on dieting without outward distractions, i would say maybe dating is not a good idea.

on the other hand, i am a huge romantic, so i would say "why deprive yourself of love?" being in love is wonderful, and i would wish it on everyone. i for one know that whenever i am spending time with my bf, it puts a cork on my bingeing tendencies because i'm so happy to be with him i don't even think about food.

but yeah, basically, you have to decide which do you feel is most important to you. the prospect of a new bf, or the prospect of a new body. and then, if you think you can't manage both, pick the one that's most important to you.

It's all about how you feel towards him and if you think he will contribute to your life in a positive way. I met my husband while in the middle of my weight loss journey, and he has been my rock and support system through that and so much more going on in our lives that we have been through. I would not let the stress of where y'all stand interfere with all the good you are doing for yourself, because if it is meant to be, then it will be. I know that is cliche, but on the flip side, I wouldn't deprieve yourself of being loved and experiencing dating and love while you are working on yourself.

Also, I think you are being very smart about the whole situation. If you guys do make it official, you have another support system to help you along the way. If you decide it's not worth it, then you have more time to focus on yourself without the extra distraction (if that is how you see it, not saying he is lol). But I am a firm believer in 'you don't know until you try' and this would be one situation that I would give a go, because you never know if what the two of you have could turn into something deeper and better than you could imagine.

And I am quite the hopeless romantic, while still being realistic.

I met my soon to be hubby when I was 288lbs down from 335, so I was progressing down when we started dating. I was in a bad place and 'trying' to love myself but to be honest I wasn't. But when he came along he saved me from myself and taught me to love myself by loving me. Now that was gushy wasn't it? lol but its the truth. I think it will depend on the guy you end up dating if hes good for you , regardless of loosing weight or not, in the sense trying to love yourself and feel good about who you are.

All of your answers have made a lot of sense.



I think my plan will be to keep seeing him but keep it minimal for now. I have to prioritize my time. Work, homework and me first. If it ends up going somewhere then so be it! If not, then I can keep doing what I was doing.

It is helpful that I'm working on moving out right now, because it's tough dating while living at home. Having him spend the night is difficult because my room is small but if we go to the living room my whole family is there and it's a little awkward to be trying to get to know someone around their parents and siblings.

So hopefully I'll have my own place in February and then it will be a little less stressful since we'll have a place with some space to hang out. ^.^

But we'll see what happens. When school starts we'll definitely be seeing less of each other and it might not even be that big of a distraction.

I think taking time to focus on improving ones self without added distractions is perfectly valid.