I have lurked the boards off and on for a while, but this is my first post.
I'm 35 years old and the mom to two kids, ages 10 and 8. I was never "fat" until I got pregnant with my first, at which point I ballooned up to 250 pounds. Here it is, a decade later, and I'm holding at 230 pounds.
I'm 5 foot 2 inches, so that is a lot of weight packed onto a short frame. I'm miserable. Clothing shopping for a short person is hard enough, add on an extra 100 pounds and it's impossible for me to look good in anything.
I have been trying for years to lose weight. I cut out mayo, butter, cereal, most breads, and eat a lot of salads, veggies, lean meats and such. I used to be a big Mountain Dew addict, but have been Dew free for several months now.
My husband and I have been married 12 years. We have had issues with him cheating, which has just made my self worth deplete even further.
I have been diagnosed with depression, general anxiety disorder, and PTSD, and bi-polar. I have been on quite a few different meds, combos of a few, and dosages but over the years I saw very little relief. I quit all my meds cold turkey about a year and a half ago. I'm really struggling with depression, anger, worthlessness, and lack of motivation.
I'm trying to walk, but I get two laps and feel defeated and quit. I emotionally can not take another step. I end up on the verge of crying. I was walking quite a bit and saw no benefits, and just wound up in a lot of pain with nothing to show for it.
Now I found that my husband has been spending money and lots of time on internet porn. Now I feel like I just want to be dead. I'm so tired of feeling so bad, not being able to play with my kids like I want, not being able to dress nice, and feeling so worthless.
I have no one to talk to. No one to listen and there is no help for me. I'm just so done with this life. I am 100 pounds over weight, and it isn't going anywhere, no matter what I give up or how hard I try. WHY????