My friend's, friend (we will call her Betty) needed someone to work her horse for her because she does not have the time for him right now. My friend volunteered me as I have been looking to get back into riding but haven't had the funds to do so. This opportunity is an amazing one and I jumped at the chance. I used to have my own horse, it was several years back though. Sadly I had to sell her due to financial/personal reasons and I have missed it every day. I am a fairly good rider, but I am out of practice and have not been on a horse for a long time.
I went to ride this horse for the first time. I have a very bad anxiety disorder and am easily made uncomfortable around strangers. While I was riding everyone started watching me and scrutinizing me. You know that feeling like all eyes are on you and they are picking apart every single thing you do, that is what I felt. One lady started barking orders at me whenever I would attempt to do anything with the horse. I know she was not trying to be mean but she was talking to my like a infant. While I was riding I could hear her telling the horses owner that I was not "qualified" to ride her horse etc. I was admit I was way more awkward then I hoped I would be but its been so long since I was on a horse. I wanted so badly to explain that I was just not used to it, to give me time but decided to keep my mouth shut. I accepted defeat, cooled the horse down and got off.
Betty(friends friend) seem rather disappointed in me like she was expecting much more then I offered. She did not say it out loud but a tone in her voice told me she was not impressed. I was not impressed with my performance either however.... Now, I am anxious to go ride him and show my face at the stable. I feel like a failure, a complete idiot. I KNOW I can do it if they would just give me a couple rides to reacquaint myself with riding. I just feel defeated like I completely blew it. I was hoping to ride this weekend or go down and just groom the horse (so we start a relationship). When I asked she said sure but seemed a little uncomfortable. I was so comfortable on a horses, like it was second nature. I am pretty good at riding but now I feel so unsure of myself.
I don't know what to do at this point. Any idea's? I know its a weird topic/question but I would really like some thoughts. Good or bad.