I am in no way angry with blondeberryboys, she has been a great friend and inspiration to me on the message board and on her blog. She did nothing wrong. If anythink I am angry with myself for being so insecure.
I was actually going to ask a moderator or administrator to remove this post but I actually have changed my mind. I want to discuss further what was posted, what it really meant, and what my insecurities processed, so I may possible overcome my feelings of being inadequate.
berryblondeboys posted:
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
Very nice and your eyes are the exact same color blue as your shirt... Was it processed that way? Since I can see some processing has been done. Some softening and brightening of the color.
berryblondeboys meant:
Quote:
Originally Posted by berryblondeboys
I was merely asking - is that the color of your eyes? The same as your shirt? And if so - Wow! And if not, cool effect!
Now in my damaged mind I processed
"Nice faked photoshop picture, now what do you really look like because there is no way your eyes are that blue and what else did you fix" How did I turn Melissa's nice statement into that? Easy because most of my adult life I have been told how fat, ugly, and inadequate I was. Add to that the fact that my weight blew up to 300 pounds, and I no longer know much less love the person I see in the mirror.
But I am working on it with the support of my wonderful DH (our four year anniversary is in May) who loves me unconditionally no matter what I look like or what I weigh. He has helped and supported me every step of the way on losing this weight. He is my biggest supporter and cheerleader. When I can learn to love myself the way he loves me I will know I have finally accomplished my ultimate goal.
Now that I have explained my reaction I know that I am not the only person out there that feels this way when someone says something completely innocent and your brain goes haywire and turns it into something mean and nasty. As for the comment to
"thicken my skin" I am fighting that battle each and every day.