I don't come here often, so much going on, and coming here is a reminder of not living up to past goals, but I am trying again so have been reading some posts.
I am an older woman (55), in school, was required by voc rehab to have counseling on campus because of depression/anxiety etc. I saw the same woman for months and months and I kind of got the feeling she was very "skinny focused" based on some comments here and there that were a little snarky. I thought though that we had established some guidelines and some trust, and mentioned a couple of months ago about stress eating, about how if I am eating I am not thinking about some hard things in my life, etc. It was strange there were things she didn't seem to want to let me talk about, like needing an interview suit, changing the subject after I told her I had finally got a suit etc, but the real kicker was a few weeks ago. She suddenly started looking at her notes, acting all official (she acted this way a few times while I was seeing her, suddenly interested in her notes, then would ask something that was a little mean sounding), so she checks her notes, asks "how are things with your middle son?" I answer, kind of confused "I don't know, he won't talk to me", then asks "how are things with the food, OH, I don't mean are eating ENOUGH, but how are you eating?" I answer "OK, kind of afraid of getting all ocd about food and dieting again" she said "oh, don't think of it like that, just eat so you don't have to go out and buy all new clothes" , I answered that I had had to buy pants a while back, (bigger), and really felt like I had been sucker punched. Here, this woman, a professional, who knows of my depression, anxiety, that I have support system, have been living without a car in an apartment complex surrounded by people who sometimes keep me up late with their talking right outside my window, 55 years old, taking 18 credit hours in a difficult course of study, and have recently learned my youngest son is schizophrenic, and I had been so worried about the career fair, the interviewing process at this age, looking too old and fat to get hired, and she says that.
So after a few days of feeling even worse, I called to request a new counselor. She emailed me wanting to know why so she could be a better counselor in the future, and god help me, I told her that what she said was out of line, hurtful, was really awful to hear two weeks before the career fair, and I asked that she not respond because it was too much like other people I have known (abusive) that I should have gotten away from and called her a weight ****.
I thought I had to continue counseling for voc rehab, said I only wanted the minimum number of times per month to satisfy that requirement, and today, weeks later, had my first meeting with the new counselor. I dreaded going. this new counselor wanted to talk about the previous counselor, I said no, she said it was "required" to have one last meeting with a counselor when someone wanted to switch, I said "no", she was kind of mean, said the other woman was her friend, that she read the email I sent and was afraid I would attack her. I asked if she knew what had happened, she said "NO", she asked what I wanted out of counseling, I told her I only wanted to fulfill voc rehab requirements, she said in a snotty way "you only have to do that for 6 months, which you have already done". I said OH, great, and got up to leave.
I feel sucker punched a second time, I didn't need to go, it was as if her agenda was to be snotty about what I wrote to "her friend".
Sorry to go on and on, it just seems that weight is one of the last things that people feel ok to demean other people about, I swear if I had a problem with drinking, a counselor wouldn't make a crack about not drinking so much you pass out on the floor, but it's ok if the person's issue is about food.
Just venting, like I said, no support system, that damned counselor was the closest thing to support I had. If anyone reads this ridiculously long post, thanks, it feels better just to get it out.
Oh, after my email to the first counselor, in which I requested she not respond, she responded with NO APOLOGY, but said she was devastated, and not really that kind of person, that she valued me, that it was unintentional but mostly about her feelings asking for a meeting, but it sounded like she was expecting ME to make HER feel better, so it seemed like yet another insult.
Oh, well, enough ranting