ok so here it is .... im still not comftable saying the number out loud ( that is never a good thing hence trying to loose some ) but here are my stats
5'6 size ,16 womens, weight ..... well into the two hundreds lets say about half way through it.
by no stretch of the imagination am i fit looking
but i dont feel very fat .... being well into the two hundreds i KNOW i am fat .... but i just dont feel that way i feel chunky like as in 30 lbs overweight but i just dont feel fat
im able to function decentley well i play sports ( i suck but i like to play )
i LOVE to get dressed up and go dancing evrey weekend and i mean dance not just stand there ....
i shop in all the regular size stores .... forever 21,charlette russe, H&M, NY&Company ( im the biggest size in there but i fit )
call me crazy but i just feel like evrey woman myself included is some sort of sexy at the size she is ... weather its 300lbs or 100lbs and people just struggle to fit into what is considered "correct"
am i deluded?? is this some sort of denial?? does evreyone else see me as fatter than i see myself?? sometimes i wonder if this is some sort of self defense mechanism on my part ... evreytime i get on a diet i sucsseed in getting down to a size 12 ( which for me with the vanity sizing is about 190 lbs )and i feel like i look great ... and then i get comftable eat evreything and enjoy myself and end up right back here seesawing to keep in my size 16s
why cant i ever seem to feel the drive to want to be better than 190lbs ... ? that seems to be my .... "im comftable i dont need this diet because im too good/happy enough/this is realistic for it" weight