I need a place to rant everyone once in awhile and right now if I don't rant, I think my head might explode.
So, my mother in law lives with us. There is no getting out of the situation and it's about as good as you can make it. She has her own living room, bedroom, and bathroom and we share a kitchen/dining area. I do all the cooking.
Problem is, I have never liked her, but I knew when I married my husband that this day would come. We've been living together for the last two years.
For the most part we have settled into a pattern, but recently some new stuff is irking me. The first has to do with my younger son. My 6 year old is high functioning autistic. He is a very easy going kid for the most part and very loving. But, he also doesn't 'push' to grow up or change. We have to push him. I think if he had a choice he would still be in diapers and breastfeeding. So, it doesn't bother him that his grandmother treats him like he's two.
I know, I know... all grandparents treat their grandkids like they are younger than they are, but we are talking about REALLLLLY treating him like a baby. Doing equivalents of patty cake with an almost 7 year old? It drives me crazy how she treats him, but for now I bite my tongue because I'm afraid if I tell her to stop, that she'll not interact with him at all - which is what she used to do.
Then there is our summer vacation. This summer we are going to vacation together in Croatia. That is where my husband is from and we haven't been in 6 years. It is well past time. My mother in law has never been with us in the 19 years we have been married and she's afraid that she won't ever see her grandkids at the seaside if we don't go this year.
OK, I can grin and bear it. I think. I mean it's a European seaside vacation - but with my mother in law. What is worse, is that she will treat me as if I don't know anything and will be all "expert" on me. I've been to Croatia 4 times. I understand the language and can speak enough to get by. I will hate being treated as "Oh, she doesn't know. She's american." I can hear her saying that to people now. And that just is so not me to be the ignorant American!
But... my new worry... my younger son understands Croatian. He's heard it his whole life, but he doesn't speak it and today I put two and two together why my mother in law has been spending more time with him over the last year. She wants him to speak in Croatian. Today she told him, "When we go to Croatia you will have to speak Croatian. The little boys and girls you can play with won't understand you if you don't speak Croatian." Then later to my older son (who does speak Croatian) Isn't that right Adrian, henry will have to speak Croatian when he goes to Croatia this summer.
My stomach just sank right there and I did tell her to stop pressuring him that if she insists, he will dig in and refuse.
My son is high functioning autistic. Play with other children? Talk with other children in a foreign language? Is she NUTS???? And then I got to thinking, "What other unrealistic expectations does she have?" He doesn't eat a lot of foods - is she going to expect he'll magically eat everything once we get there (and we are working on more foods and specifically on foods we know he'll encounter there to prepare him, but we also realize there is only so much we can do).
I'm afraid she has this whole fantasy of what the 3 weeks will be like and I can tell you now - it's not going to be like that. She'll want our 15 year old to talk with the girls - he won't. he'll want the then 7 year old to play with other little kids - he won't. and she'll want us to hang out with her 24/7 when she can't keep up with what we want to do because she's an out of shape 77 year old - we will probably do some side trips separately - it's too expensive a trip to just sit and watch old people.
We already had to convince her that a house on a beach with no night life or evening activities was ok for a few days but nor for 3 weeks like she wanted.
We were supposed to go last year, but couldn't afford it. I was so relieved when we had to postpone. We HAVE to go this year and I should be looking forward to it, but I'm not...
OK... rant is over... I know... I'm spoiled, but it's not easy dealing with an unreasonable mother in law day in and day out and vacationing with her seems like a nightmare. The only postive thing for me right now is that I will (hopefully) be at goal weight and will be thinner than my mother in law (which I am now). Every time I've gone I've been fat and unfit. i can't wait to go there as an active, fit, much thinner Melissa. As yes, I was always the fattest woman on the beach, but besides that... I'm worried about the vacation. My mother in law tends to get all "daydreamy" of plans and is so unrealistic and me being a people pleaser find it hard to make her happy, my husband happy, my kids happy and me happy when it's nearly impossible as we all have different ideas/things taht make us happy.