Hey guys... I'm back. Actually I was back on thursday but I've been sick again and kind of over whelmed with the amount of stuff to do (work and personal) before Christmas.

We got to my Granny's town on Wednesday night, I drove like a bat outta ****. We got to see her and she was actually doing better! Her mind was still very much intact but she was quite drugged. It was hard for her to speak but when she did she said loud and clear "How are YOU all!?!?!?" because we'd all been asking how she was and she wanted to know how we were LoL. Typical Granny. She continued to improve, but either myself or my sister stayed with her through out the night. Saturday she was good but agitated, she kept wanting to get up out of bed but as soon as you got her up she'd realize the pain wasn't any better sitting up and want to go back to bed. Everyone thought she'd pull through for a while yet, so we decided not to stay with her Saturday night and go home Sunday (it's a LONG drive and you don't sleep much there with her). We had just gone to bed when the phone rang and it was the nursing home to tell us Granny had passed away in her sleep. One of the girls checked on her around 11 and she was fine, the girl went and did some task, came back and peeked in again and she was gone.... I will miss her horribly But she was 99 (would have been 100 in Feb!) and she was in pain... she told everyone she was ready to go. One of the nurses asked her when she wanted to go to heaven and see the angels, loud and clear she said "Oh, any time now!". She smiled when she saw our faces and we got to tell her we loved her and that we would be there with her. That really meant a lot of all of us... especially me since I didn't get to say good bye to my other grandparents. I know I have more tears to cry (I'm starting now again just telling you all of this) but it really is ok. She was an amazing woman and had an amazing life. She used to tell me about going out to check cows on horse back and about how even though she was very young, she knew something was wrong during WWI and that all of the men (including her father) were going away. She only went into the nursing home at 97 years old... until then she lived in her own house. She hurried up and painted the living room and wall papered the kitchen and bathroom of her house at 79 because "No one should have to work after they're 80". After that though she decided to paint the kitchen cupboards, inside and out. She used to walk the long way to the post office in town, she could have gone down the road and across the train tracks... but no, my Granny had to go the oppisite way, around the farmers field, down the highway, then across the tracks and into town. The joke was that some neighbors saw her in a town 4 hours (driving) from hers once and asked her if she had walked there LoL. I sure am going to miss her.

Sorry for rambling on.

Oh Aunty Jam I cried reading that. I am so sorry that you will be missing her..but what an amazing lady. We should all be like that, so active and independent for so long in life. I'm glad you told us some about her. May she be as active and independent in heaven

hope you all have a lovely xmas xxxx

Sorry to hear about your loss Aunty!!! Keep those fond memories of her close!!!

Hope you guys all have a wonderful Christmas. By the looks of it everyone must be busy in December also!

I am hoping my 7 year old is better in the morning. He was running a fever of 103 tonight and had just got all dressed up in his little suit and tie and then puked all over his shoes. I am beat but just wanted to check in!

Be blessed and remember to treasure your family not the presents!! You may not have them next year. (My cousin passed away in her sleep early christmas eve so her family is struggling to have a good Christmas) It has really hit me this year that presents don't mean as much as having your family. I have all my babies and my loved ones and for that I am thankful!!

momof4, i am sorry about your cousin

I hope everyone has a happy day today, however way you spend it. And yes be thankful for simple things like family and health and a warm place to live. I have had horrible Christmas days in the recent past and I am just incredibly glad that I haven't fallen into my usual apathetic miserable winter state!

I tried to post yesterday but it kept booting me off.
Happy Holidays everybody.

how frustrating! glad to see you here now though, hope

Hello to everyone!! there are many i haven't seen here in a while and I hope you're all alright

Yesterday, I went back to last year's threads and was reviewing...I remember being miserable but I don't remember being apathetic to the point of suicide?!? I had written here that I wouldn't have cared if my car drifted into the path of a truck..that if I was gone, the only change at home would be a messier home, that no one would notice my absence. God I was in a bad way!! but that was right after my DH's motorcycle accident, we were suddenly deeply in debt, and he was not responding to me or my cares. Thank god that's over!!!

I am still feeling good and that is so awesome I keep repeating it not to 'rub it in' but maybe to let people know that you can feel good, after feeling horrible.

Thank u Vermont.

Sorry for your losses Momof4 and Aunty Jam.

Keeping it short before it kicks me off.
Vermont- I'm so glad u r feeling good. We never know do we? This past Thursday I could not come up with one good reason to live. I feel a little better now.

oh hope, that hurts my heart to hear that is such a desolate despairing feeling. It sounds trite but I know you have affected other people in your everyday life and you are a valuable person!!!

Aunty Jam,
I'm glad you got to say goodbye to your grandmother. I loved my grandmother so much and didn't get to say goodbye and don't think I ever told her how very, very, very much I loved her and how important she was to me. I have a 'Grandmother's are Special' mug that I use. Since I'm 62, people who don't know me will assume that I am the grandmother and that someone gave me the mug, but really I bought the mug for myself as a reminder of how very special my grandmother was.

Hey everyone... thanks for all the well wishes and thoughts. My Grandma was very special to all of us, I have lots and lots of good memories. One of my presents this year was an angel charm for my pandora bracelet, in memory of my Granny... I teared up when I opened it.

Mom... I'm very sorry about your cousin, was it unexpected? That's the absolute worst.

My cousin's ex mom in law passed away unexpectedly a few days before Christmas. Her youngest kid was close to my Granny and sobbed uncontrollably through most of her funeral... yeah, then his Granny passes away. I feel so bad for them.

I hope everyone had a really good Christmas and was with their families. My hubby got me a happy light for christmas (along with a hockey jersey with my favorite players name on it!). So I've been spending a little "light" time with it every day. This one is really powerful, it can be as far as 24" away!

Hope - I'm sending you long distance hugs and good thoughts, want to come share my happy light?

Thanks Vermont and Aunty Jam. I think the
happy light sounds like a good idea. I'm trying to be
positive about the new year and have plans
to start working out as my back allows.

Ok, I show up and everybody else goes away. What's up with that?

I'm doing alright. I'm moving a lot better even though I'm cautious not to overdue it. Next week I'll see my dr and I think I'll see if my depression meds can be upped or changed. I don't think they are working well. My mood is just not what it should be as you can tell from my previous post. It would be nice to feel at least a little happy once and a while instead of just 'not hopeless'.

Hey Hope... The holidays are an extra busy time, I'm sure we're all still floating along somewhere. I'm glad to hear your back is better, here's hoping your mood catches up

I've had some changes in my work situation, we've moved from private offices into one big one with cubicals. As a result I'm not all that comfortable logging on here when someone can stick their head over the wall and see what I'm doing... even if it is break time. I work with all guys... they don't need to know I come here. So I might not be on quite as often.

I was reading through some old posts and I noticed that I used to mention Snoop a lot and never did really tell you guys what happened with him. If you want to know keep reading.. if not, skip this. Snoop is still with us.. and firmly etched into our lives Snoop is love in every form of the word, he loves people, loves dogs, loves cats, loves balls, loves the vet, the mailman, people walking down the street... etc... the only thing he doesn't love is baths, but he tolerates them. In return we love him, he always makes us laugh and smile, such a big goof. Recently we had to get him leather booties because he won't stop playing ball at the off leash area but with all this freezing and thawing we've had the snow is hard and crunchy and the poor little boy cuts up the pads on his feet. He won't stop running though... and demanding we throw his ball He leaves blood in the snow but still wants to play... a little OC maybe? LoL. And he and Chase play like crazy! Snoop can always get him going, they're always running through the house, bouncing off furniture. Once in a while they stop to sleep together, silly puppies.

Other then that things are much the same with me... not doing to bad mood wise, I like my happy light but have a hard time getting to use it as I don't have a plug-in in the bathroom and don't otherwise have time in the morning but don't want to use it at night. I've considered bringing it to work but of course, that would bring up questions. I'd like to get up in the morning and run with it on... but my new boss wants me to start at 7:30 instead of 8 and I can't even manage that! LoL - Don't know how I'll manage to get up and run!

Hope everyone else is keeping well

Oh.... and we need a January chat! Somone else has to start that... I started Decembers.