Hey guys... I'm starting the December Chat I'm trying to force myself to be happy, I used to love Christmas and decorated on the first of the month. The earliest I'll get to it this year is Thursday, I'm not sure I'll feel like it but I'm going to force myself to do it, maybe it'll perk me up.

I got all motivated up this weekend and decided I was going to take the plunge and seriously train for a half marathon. I wanted to do couch to 5k again at a faster pace because I'm so slow when I run. I knew I'd have to take it slow so I picked out a few training programs to do. When I added up all the weeks it turned out to be 46 That's a full 2 months/8 weeks past the half marathon I wanted to run. So then I crawled back into my hole of depression. I just want to kick my own butt most days. Maybe I can skip one program, or just do half of it. But the resonable part of my brain still screams "That's not enough time!!!!!!!!". Usually I have to be signed up and paid for a race in order to motivate myself so I'm not sure what I'm going to do now.

Well........ I hope you all are fine.

Hope - It is very nice to see you again.. sorry about your back

Raven - You really do rock girl.

All - Thanks for the encouragement... I'll keep slugging through.

you can do it aunty jam if you put your mind to it x

Im really run down since the op im full of cold sores and i think i got an infection in my hand where the drip was im off to the doctors tomoz.

When i went out today i burst out crying cus im so stressed about college work

hope your all well xxx

Hey guys. My plan to be happy has hit a major road block. Got a call today that my Granny may not make it through the night It's to far to go tonight, but tomorrow we're going to an extremely small town (maybe 300 people) in the middle of Saskatchewan. Don't worry if I'm not on for the next while. I'll be with my family.

sorry to hear that your granny is not well my thoughts are with you and your family take care hun xxx

Aunty Jam thank you for starting the Dec. chat First, I'm so sorry to hear of your grandmother ...best wishes, hon!! Grannys are special people. I have a framed pic of my granny and a framed b-day card she gave me years ago, i love her. I wish i could super-encourage you to continue with your running training! I am in awe of anyone who can run. You know it's so good for you. I'm sorry you're not 'into' Christmas yet, maybe that will come.

ems, I'm sorry about your school stress!! and the possible infection. Get well, hon!

Raven - I now look forward to your posts, they are awesome

Hope!!! I knew you were around. I'm so sorry about your back though, that must be so painful. Cause you can't do anything without using your back. Consider me your cyber partner in eating right and working out, I have got to get back to liking myself (my body) again somehow.

momof4, I'm so glad that maybe now your hard work will show more payoffs!! sorry about your cough.

countrybarbie - that is so kewl that your boyfriend is with you on this battle!! that must be so helpful.

I'm still doing well...which is INCREDIBLE for me, for this time of year. Maybe because we had a mild and moderate November. And I rode the motorcycle 9 days in NOvember For whatever reason, I'm grateful.

Today I worked on the upstairs bookcases again. Two more big boxes of books taken out to be donated; threw out old papers; dusted and vacuumed, and then condensed one big bookcase into a smaller, more attractive one. Oh -so-happy to get this stuff done!!!

Last week was to get to a corner downstairs where there was a bookcase full of moldy old books, and it had our telephone and a photocopier on top; and telephone books in with the old moldy books. Got rid of the books; saved the bookcase (it's the smaller one that is upstairs now) put the photocopier upstiars by my desk; put a small table/lamp combo that was in my bedroom but too cramped in the corner; now it is a clean, uncluttered little table/lamp/telephone area DH comes home..and says...(get ready) "Is that table secure for the telephone?"

Listen, jerk, it looks 1000% better and all you have to say is that?? I was so pissed...but kept my cool. I know I was the one with the energy and vision and pride to make it better. And I'm gonna enjoy it and forget that stupid stupid comment.

ok happy face back on

well I'm back to rant and vent about DH again..when he came home yesterday, not a comment about 'wow that looks so great that must have been alot of work', but 'I hope none of my collectibles got thrown out'. I couldn't see straight I was so mad. Years of sloth on his part and I do the work to make it look normal and get criticized. Dammit I am still going to try to improve my life surroundings by keeping on doing this.

And I'm not even sure what his 'collectibles' are . If they are the star wars models that are on top of the shelf, how about dusting them or taking care of them, they have been in..the .. same...spot.. untouched.. for at least 15 years

Helloooo Peeps!!!

I am sorry guys...I have been insanely busy this week! Between starting my next class, going to the gym every day, going to yoga twice a week and all the extra little errands... I am taking DD driving when I can...running errands...had to get the dreaded pap done...ugh..setting up appts for the boobie squeeze... Lots of stuff going on!

HOPE!!!! OMG!!! Love you girl!!! So sorry to hear about the back!!! I hope it heals really soon!!! So happy you are posting again!!! Woo hoo!!!

Ooh! Holly!! Guess what? I have the SAME instructor for this new class too!!! But! It actually may be a blessing in disguise because she seems to have learned her lesson finally and has posted ALL the discussion questions already! That means I can finally work ahead or at least make sure I can finish all my work for the week by Friday and have my weekends off! Yay!!!

I am so psyched about my rising energy levels! I used to be wiped out after Body Pump class...now I am able to do 45 mins of cardio afterwards and am still able to function the rest of the evening! Woo hoo!

Oh...and Holly...I have to say something else...I have been doing a lot of reading...the Dalai Lama...Surya Das...lots of stuff like that. The things that bother us are always the small things. And...our expectations of other people. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, actions, and behaviors. When we place our expectations on other people and they don't live up to them it is really our own problem more than it is theirs. You are unhappy with the clutter and the way things look...and you are taking care of it to make yourself feel better, to be happy and more content... That should be your focus. I hate to say it but your DH sounds like he is sort of happy with the status quo and doesn't see or feel the need for change. Some men are like that...heck some women are like that...he may be threatened by change. Some people get very attached to their "stuff" whether it be mental stories they tell themselves..ideas...or things... Just keep focusing on what makes you feel happy, satisfied, and proud...try not to think about how you expect him to react...it is hard to know what is in someone elses's heart or mind. Who knows why he said what he did...it doesn't have to matter...Be happy with what you have accomplished and when you need support...come here! We will always give you

Gotta run peeps! Yoga!!! Love ya EMS, Mom, Barbie, Hope, Holly, & Aunty!!! And all you lurkers and newbies!!!

~Raven~

Chiming In here. I have depression caused by an anxiety disorder. It's a daily struggle and 3 out of 4 days are good for me, but the bad days are hard to handle. I am currently on 10 mg of cipralex and I had a bottle of Ativan but have only ever taken 1.5 tablets in a year. Mostly due to fear of benzos. Anyways just heading out but will be back later

men are bloody hopeless holly they have not got a clue half the time keep your chin up hun xxx

I threw a tempter tantrum this morning I'm not proud of. I was home alone, cleaning up the kitchen so I could quick divide up the chicken breast (some for dinner, the rest to be frozen). I planned to get that done and then go out to run errands. I guess I just got overwhelmed. The dog kept getting underfoot, I kept knocking things off the counter. I opened up the cupboard to get a plate and instead of one plate coming out the whole stack did and they fell into the pile of dirty dishes so now I have to wash all of those too. So I just took the plate that was in my hand and slammed it on the counter. 1 second of momentary release just turned into an extra 30 minutes of cleaning shards of plate from every where. I seriously wish I considered the consequences before I did that because now I'm in a fouler mood.

awww leah I know what you mean!!!! hope it gets better!!!

It might not be a good sign if a few of my friends are texting me asking if I am ok....if there is something bothering me...if I am mad at them....Didn't realize I was acting different. Just having a hard time draggin myself outta bed and doing what I need to. I dont know what I am going to do but I cant live like this and my thyroid cant be blamed for all this. I am thinking about changing to some plant based diet for a little while I dont know. Not being in the gym has def. affected me. blah!!

Leah, sorry that you felt overwhelmed! picking up broken shards for 30 min. is a pain. I hope the urge to throw things won't happen again

momof4, maybe the new med hasn't had time to work yet?

ems thanks, I think that is true, lol. I'm over my anger, for now

Hi to everyone else!

I'm doing great, except for not sticking to my diet :rolleyes Still working out almost every day (average of 6 days a week) either step aerobics/strengh tapes, or 30 Day Shred, or Biggest Loser cardio dvd. Just can't keep away from food. Same ol' same ol. I'll keep trying. Though it seems so stupid for me to carefully fix my brunch of egg substitute / veggies, then have big dinner and cookies at night.

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I have been on Topamax for my migraines for a couple years now and on lamotrigine for 3 months after trying other depression medications for a few years. My weight has been going up and down (mostly up) ever since I had my son 10 years ago and I just can't seem to get a handle on it. I have no energy and I don't know what to do. I just turned 31, got out of another HORRIBLE relationship and would LOVE, LOVE to lose all of the weight and get some self-confidence back.

Hi Bree, well please know that you can come here anytime for our support

Hey chicks, just checking in I am still beating the blues, don't know how but I am not miserable which is amazing. However I AM in pain because I tripped and fell Friday morning and almost went for xrays because of pain in my elbow but it is getting better. But I fell on every part of my body, lol! cut on my nose, cut on inside of mouth from tooth; both palms bruised; skin scraped away on knee, and the elbow/wrist.

I haven't bought any gifts, I left DH order things for our boys through their Amazon wish lists, and DH just buys what ever the *blank* he wants for himself. I think that means I will get whatever I want for myself and not feel guilty. That is bad of me but I can't help myself. He did something inappropriate and I am still shaking my head over it.

Hoping everyone is ok!!