Hi Everyone
I really wish I could write one single positive post but once again I cannot. A few days ago I posted about how wonderful I felt and had planned to get right back on track. Unfortunately, since Thursday I have been binge eating every single day. I have been nauseated beyond belief and spent the last few nights tossing and turning due to how uncomfortable I was. I wish this would end and I could get right back on track like I was in the beginning of my journey.
Last night I attended my first online OA Meeting which I thought would help and while I did a little, it did NOT help me enough to stop stuffing my face. Last night I promised that tomorrow would be different, I'd get back on track and here I am nauseated as I sit here typing this. I'm sick and tired of this, I wish I didn't have this disorder. I'd rather be addicted to Heroin or Cocaine as harsh as that seems. I HATE food.
I need therapy but can't receive help from a therapist because I have no health insurance. Ever since my husband was laid off things have been going downhill and that's exactly when my binge eating started back up and it's worse than ever. I still go to the gym but now I'm wondering why, why even bother. I know I can't give up but I feel like I'm trapped in a prison with no hope of ever getting out.
Have any of you who have reached goal or lost quite a bit of weight gone back to old habits and felt hopeless? If so, how did you get back on track? I could seriously cry, I've put in so much work these past 2 years and it's all going to be for nothing if this behavior doesn't stop.
I also haven't changed my ticker because I feel if I do, I'm letting those of you who have followed me through this journey down. My home scale says I'm up to 173 this morning, two days ago it was 176.