I did come back for personals.... did them in my word processer. I thought I had posted them and saved. Apparently I didn't. I had deleted it on the WP.

Oops.... not fair!.... Oh well.

Hello Beck friends!

My "distraction from emotional eating" project continues. I am almost through with this part of the painting and I'm happy to report I have not engaged in unplanned eating today. I have a plan for tonight and feel confident that I will stick to it. I started painting early and forgot to weigh. I will not forget tomorrow. My exercise today has been up and down the ladder and swinging my arms back and forth many times. I was actually a little sore this morning.

Pam(atga), my recollection was that you asked any of us...which is why I brought it up. After 20 years, my DH has finally accepted that my memory is much better than he might wish.

Back to the ladder. I must finish this portion very soon. Leaving things unfinished is an eating trigger for me and I don't want to have to leave the house in disarray by finishing tomorrow.

BTW-we got snow this morning.

The conference went well, including my presentation -- it filled the room and I got lots of positive feedback afterwards. My food was fine and I walked every chance I had. The weather in Kansas City was beautiful, if windy, so I skipped a couple of sessions one day and took a walk of more than an hour.

I saw lots of people who should have noticed my weight loss. And they noticed my hair color. Oh well. My hair looks good, too. One other librarian has lost a similar amount of weight and we had a really nice interaction.

WI: -0.3kgs, Exercise: +35 245/1000 minutes for October, Food: 100%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

pamatga: I quickly read through posts while I was away and I think you asked about alternative spreads for bread. Here's mine: I mix two parts yogurt cheese (strained nonfat yogurt) with one part mayonnaise. I actually like it better than butter or mayo, now -- more creamy, less greasy.

Michi702: I reworded a number of Beck's responses when they seemed to cheesy or too negative to me. Would it help to choose one of Beck's things to do and flagrantly violate it? I read while I eat and I think that little rebellion actually helps me follow the rest of the program. I am also a person of little faith. For me, a fake it 'til you make it approach worked because this program does work. A few successes under your belt and you won't need faith anymore, you'll have experience.

4EverLearning: yay for a negative cancer screening!

onebyone: glad to see you back here (I miss you when you're gone).

Sorry I did not make it in here yesterday. I decided to take a "short nap" at 6PM last evening and intended to post when I woke up--and the next thing I knew it was 8AM this morning!! I was really, really tired from the stress of the last few weeks, plus the anesthesia, and I hadn't slept well for weeks. I think once the relief of a definitive answer set in, I gave in completely to my exhaustion. I'm still very sore and feeling oddly blue and out of sorts, when I should be jumping for joy.

my report: My weight was down 1.6 yesterday and up 1.2 today (and the swelling seemed to be less yesterday but was noticeable again today). Ate slowly and mindfully, remembered to save a bite of most things for my kitty, tolerated a lot of hunger today. Took a walk today but still feel too sore to work out at the gym; am hoping I feel up to it by the time of my next personal training session on Tuesday morning. I do not feel that I have really made exercise a true habit yet, so I don't want to go too long without doing it, for fear that I will then use that as as excuse to give up on it completely.

Tazzy, you've got lots to give yourself credit for--photocopying those task lists, planning a way to insure that they get done, walking home from the train.

You, too, Pam--implementing the NO CHOICE rule for exercise, doing damage control for your pizza. I'm very impressed at your statement that emotional eating is a thing of the past. Winning that battle alone goes a long way toward winning the war!

onebyone, since I'm new here, I'm not sure what your history is with the Beck program or with dieting, but the quiet desperation I sense in your post tugs at my heartstrings. Honor that little voice that says "maybe this can be me, too" by working toward the health and happiness you deserve. Did you try Beck for awhile and then give up on it, or have you never quieted your rebellion long enough to really commit to give it a chance? Either way, give yourself credit for completing some tasks that can give you a feeling of control. All those small successes add up--one choice at a time.

Robin

Hi...friends... -yesterat my food plan took some twists and turns... but, it turned out OK. I am grateful for that.
I accomplished many goals too: meditation (2 times), weigh (down a bit) read arc/rc, stayed within my plan (mostly), did my journal work, exercise, shouted back at some sabatoging thoughts and more.

DH brought home candy from the store. He loves candy... and is not overweight. I even asked him not to bring home a bunch of candy - he said it was things I don't like. (one was ) Alas, I did have some licorice and counted it as a 'fruit' exchange. That's ok to do once in a while... but, it's a slippery slope. Then the cub scouts came by and DH bought some carmel popcorn. I had a small taste of that. Finally, I insisted that DH keep all this goodies out of my sight. Credit. Even with all my little nibbles I stayed within the perimeters of my overall food exchange plan. Credit.

I pulled a muscle in my middle back when I did an overextended reach to get something. Big ouch. I am hoping it will be fine in a couple of days. I've been exercising everyday this week. Credit!! This is discouraging.... but - life happens and then you go to plan B.I I guess I'll just do lower body for a couple of days. This is a good time to remind myself that food doesn't cure any physical pain or stress. I need to tatoo this to me brain today!!

Today I'll be taking it easy a bit. DH and I hang out.

Have a great day friends.

report: didn't read my cards, weighed (no change), ate slowly and mindfully, though I did walk around with my breakfast yesterday morning at the farmers' market. I do that every week because I want shoppers to see my breakfast and buy breakfast themselves. Got a ton of exercise, but got to the end of the day and still hadn't contacted my diet buddy -- crazy busy day, and I just couldn't get to it. Farmers' market, our end-of-year vendor meeting, lunch with daughter and husband, helped daughter with college application stuff, then last night we went to see a performance of As You Like It, which was fantastic. And it was my birthday!

maryann -- I seem to have to exercise absolutely as early as possible or risk not getting to it. I feel like I lose motivation for vigorous exercise as the day wears on. I'm up for a walk, no problem, any time of day. But a class...by 10am, I've lost heart.

Pam -- It's probably too late for the ones you've already gotten rid of, but I wonder if instead of pitching the cards that you've already mastered, you might stick them into your memory box? That way you'll have them as memories (you could even put the date on them that you put them into the box) PLUS every once in a while you'll have the opportunity to come across them and they won't be so "memorized" feeling. Love this: Life just looks better after I have sweated some. And good for you for eating until normally full on pizza! Really good pizza is definitely a difficult food for me to turn down that second helping of, but it ALWAYS leads to me feeling overfull. I can turn it down, but it's still always a decision at this point rather than automatic.

Debbie -- Good for you for finding a distraction! You sure can't eat while you're painting a room!

BeverlyJoy -- A new piece of jewelry, especially a bracelet or ring which you can really -feel- at first, is a great idea for reminding yourself to give credit! And credit you for asking the waitress how they could make the dish healthier! Re: pulling a muscle in your back. Do you do any core work? I used to pull muscles in my back regularly, but since I've started doing planks and crunches and other core work, that has completely ended (knock on wood.)

Tazzy -- Yay for walking home!

onebyone -- Do you have an Advantages deck? I ask because I am wondering whether you have focussed so much on the single advantage of something like "I will be better able to take advantage of the professional opportunities afforded by this artist residency" and not enough on all the other advantages of losing weight. I sometimes feel that when people are focussed very intently on losing a significant amount by a certain event, they have a hard time seeing setbacks as anything but catastrophic because that event date is closer every day and every slipup makes getting that advantage less likely. When you have a stack of 25 cards, it's easier to see that that looking good for that one reason is only ONE of the advantages of losing weight, and that even if you don't get that advantage, you still get ALL the other ones. (Just as an aside -- for myself, I have found that events are counterproductive as weightloss motivation. They don't help. They actually HURT my ability to stay on track. But again, that's just me, and I'm sure a lot of folks have successfully used, "I want to look good in my wedding photos" or whatever as motivation.)

gardenerjoy -- Just as an FYI -- it feels rude to me to comment on a weightloss. I don't like hearing "Wow, you've lost weight" myself, because the message I actually hear is "Boy, were you fat!" So I never comment on people's weightloss except to say something like, "You look great!" LOL on your little reading rebellion! I love that!

Robin -- OMG, a 14-hour sleep must have made you feel SO much better! But feeling a bit blue and out of sorts is probably very normal. You were on tenterhooks for weeks. You are going to feel wrung out when it's over, even though it's over in a very good way. Watch that swelling if it seems to keep increasing instead of decreasing! Is there any heat?

Happy Thanksgiving, Canadians!

Hi Coaches

I managed to not have seconds all day yesterday *credit* Twice I reached for extra ham while I was alone with it in the kitchen and I reached over and snuck it very very fast into my mouth. And each time it stopped right there *credit* I did it once at my MIL's house and once at home with leftovers sent home with me. *credit* for getting 5min of walking done yeasterday and 5+many more minutes of walking done today. We are out of town, on a free vacation. Our SIL won a free one night stay in Southern Ontario and tickets to see the local county fair with food coupons and everything. We are just chillin' in the hotel room before we head out back and grill up dinner. It's nice here. This is a part of the province I used to come to as a kid with my grandparents to visit my great aunt and uncles and second cousins. They all lived on tobacco farms. I found their respective gravesites online and they awere all b uried in the same graveyard so I was there paying my respects this afternoon. One grave had me in tears; a second cousin who was abused in his lifetime, pretty much estranged from his family, who died alone, old, in a rooming house. I was in tears as he has no headstone of his own but is etched into the back of the headstone of his parents. It just seemed so much a reflection of his life to me. It made me sad but I was happy to remember him and the others. It was a good thing to do.

That's it. Bye for now.

credits: weighed in (+0.2)
-exercise completed for the day
-recording my food
-no seconds
-eating veggies and fruit today
-drinking my water
-made new advantage cards today and read them

Blech. Somehow I managed to catch a cold on top of everything else, which has not improved my mood. I had to skip church and go to school for 8 hours today to catch up on all of the work I needed to get done before my classes and meetings tomorrow (work I would normally have done last week if I hadn't taken a few days off to recover from surgery). And I have four ridiculously busy days in a row coming up. Between classes, meetings (some at school and some not), and appointments, I will be out of the house for at least 12 hours straight each day. I actually have several instances where I am supposed to be two places at once and will have to figure out which commitment is most critical. And Friday, which is normally a day off for me, I have an 8-hour seminar at the main campus of my university, 65 miles away. In fact, the crazy schedule I knew I'd be facing this week is the main reason that I chose to have my surgery last Tuesday rather than this coming Tuesday; I knew I would just be reneging on too many commitments if I took time off this week. But I am not feeling ready to deal with it all yet. Oh, well, as Beck would say! Time to move on and get over myself!

my report: My weight was down .4, ate slowly and mindfully, did not read my cards, did not exercise, contacted my diet buddy, posted here.

I am still feeling as if I have not fully regained my footing from the recent weeks of extreme stress, and I don't feel fully in control of my eating at the moment. It's not that I've reverted to my old habit of eating for comfort; I haven't (of which I am very proud). It's just that my confidence has been shaken on so many levels, so I'm not feeling very secure in my own ability to continue to resist.

So before I go to bed I am going to write out a detailed eating plan for tomorrow, which I haven't done in a while. (I always have a general plan in my head, and I always stick to it; I just haven't committed it to writing for the last several weeks.) As for tomorrow's plan, just figuring out WHEN I will have a few minutes to eat will be a challenge; I will probably have to eat at least one meal in the car while driving from my campus to the main campus, but it can't be helped. I am also going to set my alarm for 45 minutes earlier than normal (even though I am SO not a morning person!!) so that I will have time to read and think about my cards first thing, and to get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. That will be a good way to get a very long day off to a good start.

Val, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope it was as fantabulously splendiferous as you are!! BTW, I called my surgeon's office on Friday to ask about the swelling, and they asked me the same question you did--does the area feel warm to the touch, and/or hard? The answer is no, so apparently the swelling is normal.

Time for me to write that plan and get to bed. Hope everyone has a great day tomorrow!

Robin

I got to enjoy a fall tradition that's new to me the last two years -- putting spare change in the Knights of Columbus can, and then refusing the offered Tootsie Roll. Who knew that could be so fun and satisfying? A few years ago, I wouldn't have thought it possible.

WI: +0.2kgs, Exercise: +0 245/1000 minutes for October, Food: 100%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

va1erie: good point about the rudeness of pointing out weight loss -- that could easily have been a factor.

4EverLearning: sorry you're blue, but I do think that's normal, if odd. I think a part of us gets all prepared to fight the good fight. When that opportunity gets yanked away, even though it's good news, there's a kind of grief associated with the loss of the project it represented. In that situation what works for me is planning a trip or taking on some other positive project to take the place of the one that no longer needs attention.

Diet Coaches/Buddies - Happy Thanksgiving to all our Canadian posters - however difficult it is for me to think 'Thanksgiving' on a Monday after a lifetime of celebrating it only on Thursdays, LOL.

My eating while on travel was OK, CREDIT moi. I've done better when I had more control of food sources. Two evenings were spent where the choices were fried chicken or pre-made sub sandwiches. So the big deal for me was to stop at a reasonable portion size rather than accepting the Sabotaging Thought that since I'm eating outside of my food plan, might as well eat as much as I want. Hotel breakfast buffet was done pretty well, CREDIT moi, since I ducked the mounds of sugared carbs sitting out to grab the yogurts, bananas, apples, and mixed fresh fruits. It's good to be home and to know what I'm about to have for breakfast in my own kitchen.


onebyone – Big Kudos for standing down those second helpings all day long. Your second cousin's story is deeply touching.

Joy (gardenerjoy) – Kudos for stealing the opportunity for a good walk. I love walking about in a different city - always tickled at the little things that are different than back home.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – Congrats for your continued painting - you've been going at it for a while.

Beverlyjoy - Yep, Big Ouch for that pulled muscle. Hope you can figure out some useful exercises to ease it back into health. Love the wisdom in, " life happens and then you go to plan B."

Val (va1erie) – Happy Birthday!!! Great to spend it getting excessive exercise walking your Farmer's Market. LOL at the thought that it's your job to walk about eating breakfast - kinda hard to think of Beck strategies to counter one's work.

Robin (4EverLearning) - Fourteen hours of sleep is just amazing. Yay for your body getting what it needs.

Readers -

Hello Coaches!

Anticipating brunch yesterday, I read my resistance cards BEFORE heading out. I made very good choices and left food on my plate. I have a food plan for today and I'm remembering I'm still at risk for emotional eating. I've already reviewed my Stage 4 Success Skills Sheet from the green book (p.272) and will use it as my guide today, checking off my boxes. My review shouted out to me that long hours of painting are not planned exercise. I haven't had a planned workout since Tuesday. I will make a plan and check it off my list today.

Diet Coaches/Buddies-I will be back later to catch up with everyone. It was important for me to check in but I have some morning tasks to accomplish.

report: read my cards, weighed (no change), ate slowly and mindfully and made reasonable choices -- a cheeseburger for lunch, but I only ate half of both the burger and the onion rings that came with it. Got no planned but lots of spontaneous exercise as the dh and I cleaned the garage. Contacted my diet buddy.

onebyone -- YAY YOU for not eating seconds and even stopping a slipup twice! Oh, what a sad story about your cousin.

Robin -- Bummer on the cold! And bummer on having to go into work yesterday and facing four ridiculously busy days this week. Good for you for going back to basics when you're feeling a little insecure in your skills, but why are you feeling insecure? You've done well with not resorting to food for comfort, you're maintaining your weight. Yay, you for planning to get up 30 minutes early to get onto the treadmill and read your cards. Hope all your planning gives you a feeling of greater control!

gardenerjoy -- Love your new fall tradition of enjoying refusing unplanned food!

BBE -- Good for you for fighting the sabotaging thought that since your only choices were off plan, you might as well blow it big! I tell myself I can have anything I want in a reduced portion. Sometimes I want more bulk, but sometimes I really want that cheeseburger and fries and am happy to have half a burger and a few fries instead of a bulkier portion of broiled chicken and broccoli.

Debbie -- Great job reading your cards before heading to brunch!

I'm finding myself a bit agitated today. I'm considering that a very clear message for me to stick with my plan for the day. I read my cards and printed out the Stage 4 Success Skills Sheet for the week and have already checked off several items. I'm not up to a big distraction project today but have a fun one all planned for later.

BillBlueEyes, glad to hear your trip went well! It's a great reminder that off plan food (when it's all there is) IS NOT an acceptable reason for overeating. Kudos for reasonable portion sizes and making the best choices possible. I'll bet you enjoyed the comfort of breakfast in your own home this morning.

gardenerjoy, yay for resisting that tootsie roll! Our new bank had them out on Saturday and I specifically resisted although I momentarily entertained the thought that "just one won't hurt."

Robin(4EverLearning), take care as you head into this extremely busy week as you acknowledge that you have not fully regained your footing from the recent weeks of extreme stress. Kudos for recognizing it to be an important time to write out a detailed eating plan.

onebyone, credit for not having seconds all day Saturday, especially as you were at your food pushing MIL's. Thanks for sharing your story of revisiting your ancestors. It was a good thing to do. Credit, too, for your checklist of your Beck tasks, including new advantage cards.

Val(va1erie), happy belated birthday! *credit* for many mindful choices on your special day.

Beverlyjoy, yay for a day with twists and turns that worked out "OK". *credit* I hope your back gets better each and every day as you take it easy.

Pam(atga), *credit* for your new exercise plan, NO CHOICE. I am following your lead and adopting it, too.(not on the treadmill)

Tazzy, great job walking home from the train!

maryann, I hope your Tahoe visit was enjoyable. Great job planning ahead to keep OP.

Happy Monday everyone, seems okay to say that when it's a day off! My weekend has been mostly good. Stayed OP on Sat, Sun morning and today. Sunday late afternoon/evening were not so good. I had tracked and planned well and then DH and I were not in the mood to make dinner and it became Miss Vicki's potato chips for him and Pringles for me. I even kept asking myself why I was doing it but that did not stop the process. I even made the mistake of volunteering to go out and buy them. Guess I needed to have my cravings/distraction card much closer at hand.

I woke up this morning thinking that this wasn't going to work, just like every other time and I would not lose anymore weight before we go on our cruise in Feb. But I got up, put on my workout clothes and headed to the basement with a new CD I got on Sat that I had not yet listened to. When I got dressed I put on a workout shirt that I won't wear to the gym as I think it's too tight and I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and thought I looked pretty darn good. Maybe the number on the scale is not reflecting it but the lost inches certainly are. I think I need to wear that shirt a little more often. I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and another 30 - 40 with a Nordic Flex machine that my brother gave me last winter to do some weight training.

DH and I worked in the yard and garage today, getting organized before the snow flies here. I still have carrots and onions in the garden and will continue to leave them there until I have no choice but to pull them all out. He's gone for one last motorbike ride of the year and I'm going to grab my book and take some time to read this afternoon.

So for tasks this last couple of days:

ate slowly and mindfully most of the time
ate to reasonable fullness, most of the time
read cards but only once in 3 days
weighed every day
exercised Sun (Zumba) and Mon (treadmill and weights)
food plans, Sat & Mon
Said oh well and back on track to the food frenzy of Sunday night
Checked in with all of you

Credits: This was the first weekend in nearly nine months that I was "home alone". I had said that my "challenge" was to get through the weekend without visiting Hardee's, Wendy's and Papa Johns. Well, I did so why am I crediting myself? Here's why! I had Papa John's on Thursday night but I had a "normal" portion before putting the remainder in the refrigerator. I had it again on two other occasions, again having "normal" portions. I was hungry enough on Thursday where I could have eaten the whole thing. After all, the thin crust with vegetables is 1/2" thick! However, I didn't.

Then, in the dark I dropped off Paul at his men's retreat at a church on Saturday morning. This is the first time in many months that I had our car to myself. I found myself stopping by Hardee's for breakfast. I looked up my food plan from the past year and the last time I did this was January 28th!! I had half of what I used to order. It tasted as good as I remember. Greasy white fluffy carbs with greasy meat. I felt really content.

Later that day I needed to break a $20 for change so I went through McDonald's drive through and got a chocolate-dipped cone. I pulled over to a shady area and had both windows opened. It was such a lovely moment. The breeze was cool and the leaves were rustling. That was "dinner", by the way. I felt really content.

I spent about an hour at my garden. Tomatoes are doing fabulous now that the temps are in the 70s. I restacked the heavier vines and watered the "sprouts" coming up. I felt really content.

Credit: I passed up the Krispy Kreme donut tent at our church and the offer of taking home not only fresh homemade banana bread and a beautiful looking coffee cake from my early Sunday Bible study class. Since I was "home alone" I did eat lunch at Wendy's. I could have had something somewhat healthy but I had a burger and fries with a regular Coke. I was disappointed though that I "spent" my valuable calories on food that was over cooked. If I am going to "stray" from my food plan, it darn well better be worth it!! That is how I look at it today.

Credit: that I didn't recommend that we go out to eat for dinner when I picked up Paul which is what I usually do so I feel that I can reconnect with him. I have always done this in the past. I used food as a bridge for intimacy. Instead, we came home and I asked him to share with me his day (in spite of my 4 hours of interrupted sleep). Conversation was the re-connection this time, NOT FOOD!!

Credit: realizing I needed sleep and I got it. I went to bed around midnight. I got up today and pre-planned all of my meals and I am on plan like a straight arrow.

Now, you all may say, how can she give herself credit for this weekend but I saw elements of a new me emerging and that is what I felt good about. I was thankful that since we have one car, and Paul is usually in it, that keeps me tettered to our home and therefore I am not out wandering around looking for fast foods to eat at like I used to many years ago. Some people may feel trapped by this but it has been an immense help in me disconnecting from some former really bad habits. It also made me aware of when the day comes and we have a second car again that hopefully by that time I will be far enough along in my "recovery" that I won't even think about doing that at all.

Credit: There was a time when excess food was my security blanket. I am so proud to say that I have spent the past couple of days "eating down" our refrigerator contents and now it is getting quite bare. It looks like a 20 something single guy lives here (if you know what I am talking about!--all beer and leftover pizza and nothing else) I feel content with a nearly bare refrigerator. I don't feel the need to surround myself with lots and lots of food.

Credit I hate to say this but there is another reason why I am eating down what was in our refrigerator. I bought two beautiful pairs of shoes Saturday online. In other words, I spent the money that I "should have" spent on groceries on shoes. This is soooo acting like a teenager but I fell in love and I have wanted them for soooo long. I knew that Paul was going to be fed well at his men's retreat so I "justified" that I wasn't hurting either of us by buying those instead of food. So, now I have switched from having food as one of my "loves" to shoes!!!

onebyone We missed you so much! Don't give up! Get some rest and come back here and we will help you as you figure out what to do next. I hear you about turning down opportunities because of being so big. I am just now feeling like I want to be out in the world after losing enough to drop a size and feeling good about how I look. I have been there. I know. I know.

Bill welcome back!

Robin I have slept that long when I was finished with final exams in college. I once slept 22 hours!

Val thanks for all of your valuable insights. Nope, the cards are out to the garbage already. I have my "hand to the plow" and I am not looking back.

bev or lexxiss whomever had the bracelet for her credits, great idea, mine is new shoes. I now look at them and I just SMILE.

Pam