Tonite i sat in my room heartbroken after the pause of silence that came from a comment that i never thought i would hear my fiancee say to me..
"Have you ever thought that maybe your too fat and too big for me ..and so its hard to have sex with you!"....
I couldnt believe what i had just heard. There is no denying that since meeting him i have ballooned another 50 pounds bigger than what i was when i first met him. I was well aware that i am "Fat" and i was well aware that are relationship lately was becomming rather..lacking..in the love area.. I had asked him earlier this week if we werent as sexually active because i was too fat or he wasnt attracted to me to which his response was "no..." But tonite when i heard that i was too fat and too big...it hurt like none other.. I had never in my life had ever been too big for a guy to sleep with me or be with me.. and alll of the sudden i hear it out of the mouth of my fiancee..the one person that i thought would always accept and love me..
His words of being too fat came with a pause..and then a speech that went like this: " Dont you think it kills me everytime you stuff food in your body which is making you unhealthier..to the point where you could die?"...
My response wanted to be : "Well maybe i wouldnt stuff my face all the time if i wasnt so unhappy.."
Cause my thing is "Feel unhappy..eat...feel stressed...eat" And guess what? Lack of sexual intimacy and lack of love in your life can cause unhappiness...
Im not throwing myself a pity party..and im not saying he is wrong in saying what he did..and im not denying that i need to lose weight or get healthy... i know that i do..and i know that its a life or death thing for me..
I guess it was the kind of slap in the face that had a huge shock factor..and i guess im still trying to take it in..im trying not to be hurt by what he said..but maybe it was the stark reality..that says its time to do something now..
Thoughts?