I've posted about this a couple times in the past. This is mostly just a vent because if I don't talk to someone/write it somewhere I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. Probably STILL won't be able to sleep tonight.
My anxiety and paranoia has had a big flare up today. The past 2 days I just haven't felt myself. I've been checking my blood sugar (I'm not diabetic, but I have a diabetic pet so I have a meter) and the readings have been fine, but I feel like my blood sugar is low. It's scary. I figure it's just a bug, though, since diabetes doesn't run in my family and no one has it. (no one really believes me, and if they do, they don't think it's a big deal) Still scary, though, when you're a hypochondriac.
I'm so afraid I'm diabetic. I'm so afraid that even though I'm working my *** off, I might end up with diabetes. If I have to take insulin...it's not the giving-myself-insulin part that scares me, it's the "I could die" part. I know this is really pity-partyish and I might even be offending a few diabetics on here, but I'm not trying to I promise.
I am losing weight, and I am exercising a lot, and I've heard of hypoglycemia after exercising so...I don't know. If it's not diabetes, I think I might have some sort of hypoglycemia issue.
Once in a while my mom and I will go to the store, I get up at 930AM and eat, and we can be out sometimes until 2 or 3PM. If I don't get something to eat, I start to get dizzy, shake a lot, can't find the strength to smile or carry on a convo and if I have to it's rushed and irritrated, my heart feels fluttery, limbs feel as though they weigh a ton, and I feel like I'm empty and like the world has slowed down.
It doesn't happen SUPER often but it DOES happen. Right now I just feel kind of dizzy and like my limbs are heavy.
(I think, if it is true, why me? I'm actually trying to change myself for the better! But then I think, well, I'm young and losing weight, even if i do end up diabetic, they say people who lose the weight end up not even needing meds anymore so maybe I'll luck out!)
It also makes me terrified maybe something is wrong with my heart. Then again maybe I'm just getting too much sleep, but a true hypochondriac always goes with the worst...not because I WANT it or because I want the attention; it's a real actual fear in my head. I'm afraid that if I say "oh it can't possibly be that" and ignore it, what if I die of a heart attack or an enlarged heart because I never thought to ask?? I'm only 21! This is not how someone my age should be thinking. It's killing me! The adderall I'm on helps a LOT, but it's 11 at night and it's worn off hours ago, so yeah...I also have another paranoid/obsessive "easily able to decrease the value of living" food "thing" but I won't go into that.
I'm making an apt to see my doctor soon. I actually already have one for something else, so I'm going to try and bring it up.. And I know none of you are doctors and none of you can actually do anything about this, but I'm so scared and working myself into a panic attack and my family is tired of my freak outs so I had to come SOMEWHERE.
I'm sorry for the length. Now that I think of it maybe this goes somewhere else.