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Old 09-24-2008, 05:45 AM   #1
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Exclamation Alli side effects in layman's terms

I have just lifted this from another forum I am a member of, I think it is soo funny but has a serious side too If you are planning or are already taking alli then read on

from: www.thewvsr.com/alli.htm

Alli Side Effects In Layman's Terms
by Jeff Kay

Alli is a new over-the-counter weight-loss pill which, predictably enough, has proven to be a massive best-seller from the moment it became available. The drug, manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline, reportedly works by blocking the absorption of excess fats by the body. And folks are waddling, not walking, to their local drug stores for a chance to start on the Alli "program."

As is the case with most drugs, Alli comes with a risk of certain side effects. Or, as they're known on the company website, treatment effects.

A person is reportedly limited to 15 grams of fat per meal, and if they go over (or even if they don't), there's a significant chance they'll find themselves out behind a shopping center somewhere, crying and clutching a wad of horrifyingly soiled undergarments, searching for a place to ditch it.

As best as I can tell, anyway...

Since a lot of this stuff is couched in language that is technically truthful, but very carefully worded, I've taken it upon myself to go through the list of side (treatment) effects and warnings, and translate it all into layman's terms.

I'm no scientist or doctor, and don't pretend to have any special knowledge. I'm just a person who's fairly good with words and reading between the lines... The bold type phrases below are direct quotes from the Alli website, with my translations in between.


Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.

Here the drug makers are trying to soothe the nerves of the skeptical fatty, by speaking their language. Pizza is something fatties understand, and a big part of the reason they’re interested in Alli to begin with. Pizza is good, pizza is reassuring… even when it’s flowing from your *** like molten lava.

The website mentions seeing the undigested fat in a toilet, but that’s clearly a best case scenario. You might also see it on the tops of your shoes, across the hood of a car, or way up the shower curtain, near the loops.

The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects.

Bowel changes. Notice how they phrase that? It means stuff will be happening the likes of which you could never have imagined. It’ll be like a daily Dean Koontz novel inside your underwear.

You may get:
gas with oily spotting

You’ll be farting Wesson oil straight through your Dockers…

loose stools

and having violent chipped beef explosions...

more frequent stools that may be hard to control

all the time, with a sphincter that can no longer be counted as a friend.

Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. Limit fat intake in your meals to an average of 15 grams.

The McDonald’s Big Mac has 34 grams of fat, and the Burger King Whopper has 40. Eat either of these while taking Alli, and you’ll very likely be transformed into a diarrhea cannon.

Learning how to manage treatment effects is an important part of being successful with alli. Here's how to take control:

Start trimming fat from your diet now, even before you begin taking alli. Then pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over.

Blowing liquid feces down a row of bridesmaids, for instance, could be viewed negatively in certain circles. Further, an unexpected bout of the power-squirts while riding “The Bullet” at the county fair might not ingratiate you with your friends. Or anyone on the fairway. Or the folks in the parking lot walking to their cars.

While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings

You see, when you think about it, **CRAPP**ing yourself is actually a positive.

You can't "save fat grams" from lunch and "spend them" at dinner. Spread your daily fat gram allowance of 15 grams on average per meal over the whole day.

Cheating can lead to embarrassment, tears, and the introduction of a frantically constructed toilet paper crack-wedge in the bathroom of an Applebee's. It’s simply not worth it.

You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.

Until you get the hang of it, you should probably take along a rolling=2 0suitcase full of brown clothes everywhere you go, while taking All i. Luckily, however, turd-colored clothing is in this season; turd is the new vomit.

If co-workers ask about it, there is no shame in telling the truth. You might be surprised how understanding folks can be if you simply say, “I dress like this to conceal the poop that's constantly soaking through the seat of my pants.”

You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens.

Showboating is not recommended.

You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects. For example, writing down what you eat may help you learn that marinara sauce is a better option than Alfredo sauce.

In addition to a handcart full of extra pants designed to camouflage your anal leakage, it might also be a good idea to carry a schematic and information wheel, so you don't repeat past mistakes and have a treatment effect halfway up your back.

I hope this information has proven to be valuable.

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Old 09-24-2008, 05:54 AM   #2
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Old 09-24-2008, 11:30 AM   #3
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True story - I photographed a wedding last year where the bride was taking Alli. That morning the girls had a bridal breakfast before heading to the hotel to get dressed. The bride experienced ... um ... "treatment effects" after she put her dress on. All down the inside of her $2,000 dress.

It wasn't pleasant and the bride was in tears most of the day. The girls managed to get the dress off of her and mostly cleaned, but not entirely. (Talk about above and beyond the call of friendship)

I really strongly advise my clients to NOT take Alli for at least a week prior to the wedding - if they have to take it at all.

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Old 09-24-2008, 11:39 AM   #4
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ROFL!! Very funny. I had taken Alli in the past. I never had a treatment effect. I quit because I was going to have surgery. That was almost a year ago. I recently purchased another bottle. But have yet to open it. I got it because it keeps friends/family from offering me fat laden foods. They seen the bottle and just assumed I stated it again. I wish I hadn't thown out my old one.
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Old 09-24-2008, 11:44 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhotoChick View Post
True story - I photographed a wedding last year where the bride was taking Alli. That morning the girls had a bridal breakfast before heading to the hotel to get dressed. The bride experienced ... um ... "treatment effects" after she put her dress on. All down the inside of her $2,000 dress.
Wow, Photo. Of all the things I'm thinking about that I'll have to deal with on the big day, literally crapping inside of my gown was not even on the list.

Quote:
It wasn't pleasant and the bride was in tears most of the day. The girls managed to get the dress off of her and mostly cleaned, but not entirely. (Talk about above and beyond the call of friendship)
And I used to say "Someone who will clean up your vomit is a friend like no other." ... this is a whole new level.... I think I need to get new friends...
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Old 09-24-2008, 12:21 PM   #6
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I find this derogatory and demeaning and just another opportunity to poke fun at 'fatties'.

If its meant as as joke then post it in the correct forum.

Kitty
(Orlistat taker for 14 months and never once experienced any of the effects mentioned by the writer.)
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Old 09-24-2008, 10:49 PM   #7
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Thank you for posting this- I got the best laugh i have had all month. The constant giggles.
I don't find it demeaning at all- if anything it is derogatory towards pharmaceutical companies who like to paint things in the most positive terms.
The reality is you can get treatment side effects if you don't follow the directions which is what the article warns against but in "laymans terms".
Too funny- you can bet now that if I ever decided to take it I would follow the directions on fat intake to a fault!!!!

Last edited by lifechange; 09-24-2008 at 10:50 PM.
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Old 09-24-2008, 10:53 PM   #8
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I guess I heard different;y in this case. my friend had gone on the Alli and she said that it worked, as long as you follow the guidelines. You can't go over your fat grams, or you will have a date witht he toilet. Its all willpower, I think, and what I've been told.
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Old 09-24-2008, 11:17 PM   #9
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Quote:
I find this derogatory and demeaning and just another opportunity to poke fun at 'fatties'.
Uh ... aren't all of us here "fatties" in one way or another? Or were at one time?

I think you're being awfully oversensitive.

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Old 09-24-2008, 11:25 PM   #10
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Except for the one paragraph about "fatties and pizza" (which was rude and unneccessary) I found the translation howlingly amusing. Think of the corporate folks who sat around and made sure everything was couched so delicately! I would have loved to have heard those discussions!
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Old 10-02-2008, 09:26 PM   #11
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I'm thinking about taking alli to supplement my diet...hmmm....

Funny article.
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Old 10-16-2008, 12:20 PM   #12
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OMG I nearly sharted myself laughing at this
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Old 10-16-2008, 03:27 PM   #13
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"Cheating can lead to embarrassment, tears, and the introduction of a frantically constructed toilet paper crack-wedge in the bathroom of an Applebee's. It’s simply not worth it. "



Oh man....that article was the best.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AmaLama View Post
OMG I nearly sharted myself laughing at this
I thought my husband was the only one who said shart.
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Old 10-16-2008, 05:49 PM   #14
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Shart is a LOVED work in my family.

I dont think that it was meant to be offensive in any way. I would never take this because of the potential chance of 'treatment effects.' I dont think anyone is knocking anyone else for using it. If you have the will power to not go over the fat well then more power to ya.

Photo-Poor bride i would be devastated for pretty much ever.
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Old 10-17-2008, 10:38 AM   #15
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I have used it with no side effects and no weight loss. Going to give it another try! I was scared the first time but never experienced side effects ,hope thats true this time!
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