Quote:
Originally Posted by saef
... and you just need to find your own kind.
And what would that be these days?
I've always been the artsy type myself, but I'm not necessarily looking for that in a partner. I have that side of me, but it no longer makes me who I am. It used to. It's what I defined myself by. These days I define myself more as an outdoorsy, adventurous type. I've always had THAT part of my personality too, but was too afraid and/or too fat to tickle it. I was thinking about that at the coffee house. I'm sure I'd have some fascinating conversations and meet some fascinating people, but they're not the type of people I'd partner with. I hate to base things on appearance, but at first sight that IS all you have. As I looked around, none of the men interested me. They were all the casual, laid back, musician type. Nothing wrong with that! It's just no longer what I'm looking for.
In short, Saef, yep. I love everything you described and intend to get out there and enjoy the culture in my area. But I need to switch my focus to just having fun and meeting people. Right now there's almost a need in my brain to find someone to validate all the changes I've made. It's horrible, and I hate it, but I need someone to find me attractive. I don't even care if it goes anywhere. I'd almost jump for joy to be able to say, "Nope, sorry, not interested."
Once I get over that hurtle, I think I can go back to being me. I know exactly where this stems from too. Some of my ex's issues have had a major psychological impact on me, more than I had realized. I feel very unattractive, unloveable, undesireable...
Wow do I sound shallow. I do not like this phase in my life.