I'm really not sure how you can force feeding choices in a child. That is one of the only things kids have control over, whether or not they eat. It's our job to provide healthy choices, and their choice to eat it. I'm sure that is very stressful for you! I completely agree with mandalinn too - not giving in but comforting is OK. What is your approach the other 25% of the time? Also I assume you give him as much choice as possible, in day to day things? I always give my DS 2 choices of things, like shirt, what to eat, what to bring with us when we go out, etc etc. I try to let him have as much "control" over things as possible, as long as either choice is acceptable to me!!

I also wanted to add that while my DS is a good eater, if I want him to try something new that I think he might be weird about, I get him involved in making it. I like to have him involved in the kitchen anyways - he loves it and it gets him excited about what's for dinner. It doesn't always work that he eats whatever it is, but I try to get him to at least take a taste of it. I don't do fights though - if he doesn't want it I don't force it.

No advice. Just wanted to say my daughter just turned two and I am watching this thread like a hawk. :-/

Thanks Jesse, I wasn't offended, like I said super touchy subject for me as it's been an ongoing struggle and I am at my wits end with it. There are so many opinions on the subject and it's hard to make the right decision. I feel like we've tried almost everything and nothing seems to be working. We haven't tried make it fun though - good suggestion Amanda - he does like ketchup But so far he really hasn't respsonded well to "force feeding". He will just refuse to eat and then be extra cranky. I've even gone so far as too make black bean brownies and hide veggies in mac n cheese, etc. and these have not worked either, but I'm not going to give up on those ideas.

It's just an additional stress to the current situation, he was already a horrible eater but now add these tantrums and general sadness to it and it makes concentrating on our eating problems even harder. Being a mom is tough!

I saw this post and had to weigh in, because I'm in the exact same spot as you! Constant tantrums, sometimes over not getting something he wants, but mostly because he can't communicate well. (He's almost 2.5 and has maybe 10 words) Also he is an extremely picky eater. He'll only eat "dry" things, no sauces. So I really feel your pain!

mandalinn - I found your comment very helpful. I know consistency is important, but I didn't realize occasional giving in would have the same result as always giving in.

Jesse Taylor - Sometimes you can't make a kid eat! My child has sensory issues, which he's starting therapy for, and if the texture bugs him he'll starve rather than eat it. Believe me, I've tried.

Ncuneo - My advice would also be to go to the pediatrician. We did and found out that my son has some sensory and speech issues which are causing a lot of his tantrums, and he's starting therapy through Early Intervention soon. Hang in there!

With both of my kids it has been "terrible two's, trying threes, fantastic fours, fabulous fives". Two was the hardest age in terms of temper tantrums and three was the worst age in terms of wanting to do everything on their own and choose bedtimes, what they ate, etc, etc, etc. Four and five have been a breeze, and my 7 year old is just sailing right along.

I think I know what our biggest problem is and I think it's pretty much what Amanda has said. Today, I'm going to start working on this!

I also think I need to start preparing meals over the weekend for him that DH can give him when they get home. They often get home before me and DS is hungry so he'll give him a snack to hold him over til dinner, but I think that's often ruining his appetite. I need to get creative, be patient and not give up. Right now I'm just trying to believe that this is mostly a phase and mostly self inflicted. But another week or two of this and I may be going to the ped. Especially since, they've seen some change at school where it is nothing but consistant and he's always always on his best behavior. I think that's what is concerning me most.

Sounds like you have a plan. Definitely listen to your mommy intuition though, if you feel like something is truly "Wrong", you won't hurt anything by getting him checked out.

Hmm. I just remembered that I did go through a difficult eating phase with my daughter in her second year (from about 13 mnths-18 mnths). She refused to eat anything that I made, healthy or not. Oatmeal was the only thing. As another first time mother I know exactly how you feel. I tried everything and I was FRANTIC to say the least. Ultimately I took her to an allergist and two different pediatricians. She had an issue totally unrelated to her stomach but it was having an impact on her appetite.

It is still so so difficult to get her to eat anything other than oatmeal when she is feeling bad...when she needs nutrients the most. So I commend you for your efforts because I know it must be breaking your heart.

Unfortunately my daughter still has the learned behavior of not wanting to eat green things because I allowed it to happen for so long. What helped eventually was to make yummy succulent things and mix in small amounts of vegetables with Each Spoonful. It may sound gross but some days after a week or so of her not eating vegetables SHE HAS NO CHOICE and that spoon will be a combination of oatmeal and peas!

On the "making it fun" approach - what is he into? Trucks? Bugs? You can cut out shapes and make (for example) a dragonfly (I am picturing a carrot stick body, cucumber wings, etc) with some dipping stuff on the side, or a truck (cucumber rounds for wheels, frame of the car made of pepper strips, etc). Even just changing the context like that can help. It goes from "pile of veggies I don't like" to "truck! I love trucks! This truck is made of veggies, maybe I can give it a shot!" That's the same idea with the "painting" with dip...it pairs something he finds less pleasant (veggies) with something he finds more fun (painting).

Forcing generally doesn't go well - the 2 year old range is all about establishing independence of choices and differentiating yourself from your parents (that's why the "terrible twos" exist...it's an exercise in establishing yourself as having your own free will...ultimately a good thing, but hard to deal with when it's ongoing). Another poster mentioned offering choices - even "I'm making dinner! Should I make carrots or broccoli?" can help get a child invested in the food.

When my kids put up a fight over perfectly good food that they aren't allergic to, they get it every meal until they give in and eat it (we're talking maybe two or three tablespoon servings, not a large amount at all). I don't do power struggles, and yes, we've had our kids 'go hungry' for four meals in a row before they were hungry enough to obey. They're no worse for it

It sounds like normal toddler behavior, I'm pretty no-nonsense about training it out of them. That said, so much can be kid personality. My first was pretty easy and compliant, she was not difficult to work through power struggles with. My second? I do the exact same thing, but she fights it harder and it takes many more weeks of COMPLETE consistency to work through the same issue, because she has a more contrary personality. It still needs to be worked through, it just takes more time.

I am positive you are doing your best! Kids are hard, especially toddlers. But you're the mommy, you need to dictate the rules and then work your son through compliance (not allowing him to move on from an action until he is doing it, and doing it in a way that is respectful and obedient). Firm boundaries, consistency, and lots of love and time is my best suggestion. Unless there are other mitigating factors, I would assume this is standard disobedience (whether there is a cause or not) and it requires sticking to your guns to correct, in my experience.

My three year old and two year old are both going through a rough patch right now, and it is taking many hours of work to bring them around to compliance and a happy attitude. It's worth it, but I feel your pain! It can be emotionally draining to deal with, but better to get a handle on it now than after it has taken root and compounded for a few years

Oh yeah, and we don't force feed, as in 'pry mouth open and insert food'. Thats a fight, not obedience. We ask our children to eat their food, and if they refuse to even try it we continue to reheat and serve the same meal until they obey as we have asked. If they scream and tantrum, we deal with that as well. No battle of wills, necessarily. Just a calm mommy and daddy laying down the law (sensibly).

Physical force-feeding can be dangerous (possible choking issues) and unless medically indicated bolus feeding is required, we prefer to handle it by proving we will ALWAYS out-last them. It only takes a time or two of proving we'll do it for the incentive t disobey to diminish

As a paranoid mom who has spent most of my life overweight, mostly as the direct result of really well meaning adults in my childhood, I think I've read every book on kids and food and picky eaters and super foods for kids and everything else.

Most of them have one thing in common - parents decide what and when, kids decide if and how much. I really think that's the best approach. It's what I've always done with my daughter - no baby food. We just started with soft, unsalted versions of what we ate (cubes of potato, avocado, banana, etc) and moved up. She is now a fearless eater who loves trying new things. She lists artichokes (steamed, no dip), sushi, and ice cream as her favorite foods.

In my very limited (five years tomorrow, happy birthday, baby!) parenting experience, I have learned this much is true: you can not make another person sleep, eat, poop, or take medicine. The best thing you can do is set the stage and make them WANT to.

I just don't see the point in making kids eat stuff they don't want or finish their plate. No one else knows what I like or how hungry I am. I don't want her to be a people pleaser who eats because it makes Nana happy or gets praise from me. If I put something on her plate, she will generally try it. If she doesn't love it, fine with me. I don't keep junk in the house so most of what she's exposed to is good, whole food (if I ate as well as I feed her, I would have no weight problems...or maybe if she stayed up later. I don't eat junk or eat more than I need when she's looking. I'm her number one influence and she will do as I do, not as I preach). If she's going through a phase where all she wants is bread, bread will probably be absent for our meals for a bit till she tries a few more things. If she would only eat hot dogs and chicken nuggets, I just wouldn't buy them but I'd try very hard to find or make close approximations that didn't gross me out (I will allow a LOT of stuff, especially for birthday parties or at Nana's house, but I draw the line at chicken nuggets - that is not food! That is by product!).

Another idea - spring is coming, plant some vegetables in pots. If they can pick it off a bush, they will eat it. If you have "you pick" places close to you, GO! We have done tomatoes, peppers, and herbs in pots and she eagerly eats all of those, especially if they're some of ours. We've had pear, blueberry, fig, and orange trees in past houses (I miss you, trees!) and she eagerly eats all those as well. A trip to the farmers market where she gets to "help" and weigh things and talk to the sellers means she will be all OVER eating that stuff when we get home.

I also got one of those fruit arrangements for my birthday last week. All the kids who were over that day fell on that thing like they had never had fruit before. Lesson learned: if you can put it on a stick, it is worth eating. I guess they were thinking lollies, corn dogs, and cotton candy had never done them wrong, fruit must be better on a stick as well.

Two other ideas for picky eaters (these have worked for friends of mine, ymmv):

The ice cube tray. You take an ice cube tray and fill it with things you want him to try - like three grapes, popcorn, a boiled egg, yogurt with fruit to dip, whatever. And then one with his favorite. When it's gone, it's gone, but the rest is on the table for him to graze when he wants. Now, I was not a fan of the grazing as it's not been a good habit for ME but some people do just fine that way.

Another idea is to establish a time for his favorite - my daughter understands she gets one sweet after dinner (NOT "if you eat your dinner, you get your sweet" but dinner is one thing and that sweet - which we call "bednight snack" because she can't stay up for a "midnight snack" - are two totally different things that have nothing to do with each other. She has to take meds at that time anyway, so we save her sweet till then. It does not seem to hurt her sleep in any way. Again, YMMV). If he's old enough, you can start letting him have "his" thing once a day and that's it. It will be hard for a few days, but if you keep repeating, "whatevers are for breakfast" then eventually it might click.

Good luck. Sleep and food are such loaded issues with kids. Everyone has an opinion, everyone has what worked for their kids (or what didn't work but they're invested and NOT GIVING UP), we all want our way to be THE way but kids are all so different. It can wear you down quickly.

I think that until people deal with a very determined picky eater (I don't have one, but I've seen 'em) they just don't know that it's a lot harder than it looks.

I think there have been some great ideas sated here, and I think you are doing a great job, ncuneo! If it's ok, I'd love to recommend a book: http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-K...4794561&sr=8-1
I love this book and have loaned out my copy numerous times to parents of my students. I know I'm not a parent and am not certified to give advice, but I teach special education pre-k and regular pre-k, so I deal with a lot of stubborn, cranky 3 and four year olds, especially ones who can't talk.
Good luck!

NiteNicole, this is what I am doing right now (baby-led weaning). My son is 7 months and eats butter chicken, rice, falafel, couscous, spaghetti with meatsauce, full bananas, apples (baked), etc... sure, he mostly sucks on it and sometimes swallows but not a bad palate for barely 7 months It's right off my plate, not mashed or anything

Sorry OP, no advice as I haven't been there (yet!!) but I hope it passes soon

how did this turn into a thread about picky eating? my first thought was that the move is affecting him more than you thought.