I'm sorry this will probably be a long post, but I'll start with saying that I am completely & utterly in hate with my body right now.
All summer (June, July, August) I've been so very very good. Eating very healthy and exercising with swimming, walking, and weight lifting. I've watched my portion sizes, been diligent with getting enough fruits & veggies, and keeping my calorie count under 1500 per day. Was I perfect? Of course not - sometimes we'd have guests or go out for a special dinner on occasion, but in no way did I gorge myself or get off track for more than one meal a week.
Here's samples of what I eat
Breakfast: 2 eggs, 1 slice whole grain toast with 1 pat butter
or a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch with Almond Milk
2 cups coffee
Lunch: Turkey sandwich on whole wheat with low-fat cheese, L&T
or a frozen Green Giant veggie dish with 3 oz turkey, sliced cucumber & grapes
Dinner: Baked chicken with long grain rice,
or lean pork chops with lima beans and salad
or pan-seared tilapia with brown rice and broccoli
I rarely eat dessert, when I do, it's usually something like an 80 calorie sugar free jello pudding or a 150 calorie Skinny Cow or something like that.
My (planned!) snacks are usually a handful of almonds or a small piece of fruit.... I drink about 1 Diet Mtn Dew per day, but mostly just water. No candy, no chips, no nothing of that sort!
Walk or swim Mon-Wed-Fri and do weight lifting on Tue & Thu (and I swim on weekends - a lot!!!)
I'VE GAINED 10 POUNDS.
(and I'm so peeved about it, I'm not even going to bother changing my stupid ticker!)
And since July, I've been battling "folliculitis" - my scalp has been crazy itching!! The derm gave me meds (I'm currently on round 2 of meds!) and I wash my hair in cold water, can't blow dry it (the heat makes it worse) can't color my hair or anything... the greys are REALLY showing now, and even tho my head is FINALLY getting better, now I've got "heat rash" on 40% of my body (upper back of arms, front upper thighs, stomach & small patch on my back) -and the itching is just ... OMG!!! INSANE!!!!! - I use Itch-X and Gold Bond powder and there's no good reason for any of this!!!!
I swear, I'm just about to cry while typing and I'm so hateful toward my body right now. There's a huge part of me that is "never give up!" - BUT... there's a part of me that is steadily growing that says "why shouldn't I just forget it?" I'm 47 years old, in perimenopause (no period in three months now...altho I'm not really complaining about that part!) and my mood swings are incredibly unpredictable. I've got NO sex drive (my poor husband ) and I am bored to death with life in general, altho I love my job and my home & family & friends... I'd rather just run away.
I guess I'm not really looking for "answers" here... just need to vent & get a shoulder or two.