This is going to sound whiny but I'm trying my best to get my entire view across:
Today was my first day of school, junior year Highschool. As I was walking into the school my friend drove up and her grandma got out of the car and said "WOW you've lost a lot of weight! Enjoy today, everyone will notice!". That made me feel pretty good at first. I went into school and a few kids kind of stared at me for a while (kids I've been going to school with for a few years now) and then I go into homeroom and I get more compliments but then I go into my first class. To kind of break it down there's three teachers who are special-ed teachers and they all have study halls that are "supervised" where like they're more one-on-one with you and I had one of them last year, Mr.M. He's one of the best teachers I've ever had and part of his job is kind of like shadowing some of the other teachers so he walks into my first class and he sees me and he was like "You got skinny, your so skinny." But I said "No, no, no..." "You've lost weight." "Well I guess, thank you."
After that I started feeling kind of sucky. A few other people complimented, a lot of my friends and a couple of teachers, but I just got really sad. I mean I like the compliments, I like being recongized for all the hard work I've put into this but I mean...ever since I've started I've been depressed about this whole thing. I mean there's no negative energy going into this, I'm eating healthy now and I'm exercising regularly and none of that is out of hate for myself, it's out of wanting to be a healthier me but there's always this massive lagging sadness in me and no one seems to understand. I mean I don't want to be the size I was again, I wasn't happy then either, but I'm not exactly happy now.
I mean growing up I was taught to be ashamed of my body and being the size I was, how am I suppose to start loving something that's been given so much hate over the years? I don't know. I'm just...I just can't get my emotions up to where my physical progress is. I guess that's common, right? I'm not sure.