I have a rant to go on about my mother. I love her, but she's driving me nuts. She has had weight issues all her life as well (so has my maternal grandmother...are we sensing a pattern?) and is constantly on and off WW. She even used to make me do WW with her when I was in high school (although the other night she said I wasn't fat in high school and only got fat when I was on my own in college. This was after she said that having junk food around 24/7 didn't make a difference on mine and my brother's eating habits..hmm...so if I wasn't fat in high school -- and I was! -- why did she make me do WW?)
Anyway, about 2 weeks ago, she realized she was gaining weight again (she's gone up and down the same 30lbs for as long as I can remember) and re-joined WW and asked if I want to go. Now, I lost all my weight doing WW, but never actually joined or went to meetings. I was able to hold myself accountable because seeing my progress kept me excited and motivated. But, once I got the majority of the weight off, I started to slack and ever since I hit my goal last August, I started binging again and haven't been able to hold myself accountable, and regained about 25lbs. So, I thought, "Yeah, I'll go the meetings, I really need accountability!" My mom though was like, "I'm only going to go for a few weeks to get these few pounds off, then I'll be okay again." (Because that's clearly worked for her in the past.) I, however, have discovered that I really like the meetings and that accountability (clearly it's helping...I haven't binged in two weeks and actually, my urge to binge is greatly reduced!)
For a week, we both did really well. My mom was excited to make healthy meals and work out with me and it was really good. Then my grandma came to visit. My grandma loves to cook, bake, and go out to eat. The first few days of her visit, she cooked dinners out of my WW cookbooks. However, she got tired of that and want to make "regular" food for my brothers (who eat fast food constantly anyway, so they could stand to eat some healthy meals).
Ever since my grandma stopped cooking using the WW cookbooks, my mom has thrown the healthy eating out the window again. I have not, I've tried really freaking hard and I'm seeing results even though we've been out to eat twice this week and my grandma has been baking up a storm. In fact, yesterday, she made chocolate chips cookies while my mom and I were sitting there eating my lunch. At one point, my grandma said she needed someone to try a cookie to make sure they'd been cooked long enough. My mom looked at me like I was obligated to try it! I said I'll have one later, for a snack, and my mom rolled her eyes at me and said, "I guess I'll have to try it then!" ARG! No, she didn't have to try one, but why did she feel the need to make me feel guilty for not "helping" my grandmother. Whatever.
Back to my point (it's here somewhere, I promise!) A few days ago, my mom said she wanted to make chili. I have a recipe for low fat chili (lots of beans and veggies, no meat) and asked why don't we make that version. She replied she wasn't going to eat or serve meat-less chili, so I said fine, I'll just have something else that night. My grandma though, offered to make my version just for me. I was really excited and took her up on it. She made it this morning and it tastes really good and I said so. My mom, who realized this morning that tomorrow is weigh-in day and she'll probably be up, said "Are you going to keep that all to yourself?" I said uhm...YES!! She totally turned her nose up at it few days ago before she threw the healthy eating out the window and now she realizes it might not be smart to have her high fat chili the night before our meeting. I'm sorry, maybe it's petty and selfish of me, but I am just so frustrated with her! She isn't consistent and it's all just lip-service when it comes to weight-loss and making a healthy lifestyle commitment. I'm getting really tired of it!
I posted awhile back about all the sweets and junk food we constantly have sitting out and someone suggested to get a lockbox to put the stuff in. I don't think my family would do that, but I didn't think it was unreasonable to request to move the gigantic cookie jar from the counter to the pantry where I don't have to see it. My mom refused and said I have to get "used to temptation" We have had this fight so many times. I know I can't make people change their eating habits and I can't force my eating habits on someone else. But, I'm so tired of the inconsistency! One day she's all about the healthy meals we should try and make and the next she's filling the cookie jar and asking my Dad for McDonald's gift cards!
I mean, she's been doing this my whole life too! Is it unreasonable to think that my poor relationship with food is in some part due to her inconsistency while I was growing up?? Or do I only have myself to blame? The majority of the time, I do place the blame for my binge-eating solely on me...if only I were stronger, if only I had more will power, if only I could practice what I preach... But I wasn't taught to eat healthy growing up. I got pizza rolls and fast food and we never ran out of cookies or chips but would go without fresh fruit for weeks at a time. I was taught to go on diets though.
What do you all think? Can we only blame ourselves, regardless of the food we were given while growing up? Is there no one at all to blame? I don't want to blame anyone BUT myself because I feel like it's a cop-out. But, I've been reading a lot of books about emotional eating and a lot of them talk about how our relationship with food growing up affects our relationship with food now.
If you made it all the way through, thanks! I'm interested to hear what others have to say!