This is a typical example of "you can't have your cake and eat it too." When a MIL is taking care of your children during the day (I presume with no pay) then she's doing you an extroardinary service. Here is someone who has raised her own children, one of which you married, and now is devoting their golden years to rearing your child. There will be very few mother in laws who will be able to know their place in a situation like this. I mean come on, whoever you leave your child with is going to be an influential person in your kids' lives.

If you want somebody to "just be a sitter" then you're going to have to spend the money and just get a sitter, someone who knows their place. More importantly, hiring somebody allows you to set clear guidelines about how the children will be cared for. That's not always possible with an MIL.

If you can't afford a sitter then you're going to have to be direct with your MIL. Since your husband cannot or will not intervene then you'll have to do it yourself. "Mom, I was really looking forward to baby's first hair cut, I feel really left out and I was planning on taking her myself in a couple of months' time... please don't make decisions like this without talking to us about it first." Let her know that you are very thankful to her for the time she devotes to your children but that you are their mother and you will be making the decisions. If she can't live with that then you will have to get a sitter.

Ugh, i'm so sorry! I don't really have much experience with the MIL issue, but I wanted to give you a !

Not sure about your income, but, one idea would be to find a sitter and let your MIL be the grandma she is supposed to be instead of the "parent" she needs to be for the 8 hours you are at work.

When people offer to help (for whatever reason) they usually offer what they know how to do. In this instance you and your MIL put her/herself in this role where what she knows is how to be a good mom. Maybe if you found someone to be the acting "gaurdian" she can go back to her role as loving grandmother.

Maybe you just needed to vent. I always like to vent. Helps me stay focused. Just offering ideason what could help.

Seems to me like she was an awesome parent that was always the one to take care of things in the home. Maybe you need to let her learn to be a grandparent. Kind of hard to do that when you let her take on the role as "guardian" while you are not there. Maybe she is confused about what you want her to do while you are not there.

Don't flame JMHO.

Be thankful that you have a mother-in-law.

My fiance's mother died before I ever got to meet her. And his dad has paranoid schizophrenia, so it's basically just my parents that our future kids are going to have.