This is a typical example of "you can't have your cake and eat it too." When a MIL is taking care of your children during the day (I presume with no pay) then she's doing you an extroardinary service. Here is someone who has raised her own children, one of which you married, and now is devoting their golden years to rearing your child. There will be very few mother in laws who will be able to know their place in a situation like this. I mean come on, whoever you leave your child with is going to be an influential person in your kids' lives.
If you want somebody to "just be a sitter" then you're going to have to spend the money and just get a sitter, someone who knows their place. More importantly, hiring somebody allows you to set clear guidelines about how the children will be cared for. That's not always possible with an MIL.
If you can't afford a sitter then you're going to have to be direct with your MIL. Since your husband cannot or will not intervene then you'll have to do it yourself. "Mom, I was really looking forward to baby's first hair cut, I feel really left out and I was planning on taking her myself in a couple of months' time... please don't make decisions like this without talking to us about it first." Let her know that you are very thankful to her for the time she devotes to your children but that you are their mother and you will be making the decisions. If she can't live with that then you will have to get a sitter.
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