Good evening coaches.
credits today for:
-avoiding the mini choc chip cookies brought to the print room for the three of us to share in. This was tough as I was upset when I left the house after having words wth DH. I stormed out. The first time I've ever done that in our 18 year history. Bound to happen I suppose
-having words with DH and not eating over my upset
-but I *sigh* brought the leftover mini choc chip cookies home as a peace offering for DH (it worked) but now, alas, I continue to avoid the cookies. Talk about punishing myself or something.
Coaches, I call DH my DH but we're not officially married. We're planning to be wed because we don't want to move overseas being unwed for lots of practical reasons but I saw in me a bridezilla moment this morning. *shudder*
After being together 18 years I am now thinking of what kind of wedding ring I want. I found the stone I want: a mandarin garnet. Man, what a nice rock. Orangey-yellow my favorite colours. I want a big one too, to honour all the years we've already put in. 2+ carats I've decided. Something showy and sunny and sparkly. I don't wear any jewelry coaches. Very very rarely. So this is out of the usual for me to desire such a thing. DH is a little befuddled and I am very very emotionally sensitive, my center is a little off-kilter these days.
Together we are alternately excited and bewildered by what is unfolding. This in turn pushes us apart and draws us together. Stress.
While the phone with my sister ("when are you getting married? Did you set the date yet?"), she showed me a few favorite on-line sites where you can buy just the stone (my sister unabashedly loves, covets, and possesses many pieces of expensive jewelry items) and I have 3 goldsmith friends who could and would happily make me the setting for it. But it's
weird being focused, if only for a few hours, on wedding things. Stressful. It'll be a city hall wedding, hopefully on the summer solstice as that would have meaning for me and perhaps next year we can celebrate our first anniversary at Stonehenge (ha!). My sister knows of this, a couple of friends at school and a couple of old friends and that's it.
I don't want to be a crazy bride. I can't believe I could be a bride. I never wanted that, never cared but I don't want to live in a foreign land without any rights somehow. It just seems too iffy. If something were to happen I'd not have any, or as many, legal rights. I guess things and perspectives change and that's okay.
I suspect there will be more irrationality from my end before the year is done. This is one crazy archetypal year in my life.