I feel a bit guilty even posting this, because I feel like it mkes me seem like a bit of n *******. Especially since I am studying for ministry heheheh. But how many of you are motivated to lose weight because of anger and hurt and frustration over the years? Sometimes men yell rude things at me from cars. I keep thinking I want to see men treating women like that and get real skinny and hot, and go over and flirt with them, and then at th end of the night tell them I won't give them my number because they're too ugly for me. I want to make ugly people feel ugly on the outside too, so they know how much they hurt people, so they know the self-hatred and pain I feel every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror.
I no longer want to give the people who don't know me at all the ability to crush my soul. I don't want to go home after being out late and cry all night about how much I wish I were dead, to curl up on the floor and just beg God to give me the courage to get through another hour. I don't want to hear hurtful comments about my weight and the first feeling I feel to be anger and hatred, not for them, but toward myself.
I am angry. In a way, it feels good to admit it, especially since in a lot of christian circles, anger is a big no-no. I am angry because I know that I have a heart of gold, I know that I am generous and smart and kind, and it's beyond unfair that we are treated as ugly just because of a number on a scale.
Enough.
How do you get over the frustration, the anger, and the general sense of disillusion with the world?
Mostly, how do you get over turning the anger inward and abusing yourself?