I don't know whats up with me lately. I feel ugly. I looked at pictures of when I 45 pounds heavier and I feel like I look the same.
I'm not saying more weight= ugly, so please don't misinterpret that and get offended anyone! I'm just saying I feel overall unattractive.
Its weird because I go out and get hit on a lot, I have a very attractive boyfriend, and my aunts and grandma even told me the other day I'm starting to look like a model lol (and they used to talk about how unattractive I was).
The problem is I don't feel it. I think its because I'm at a plateau right now and I get in this unhealthy cycle: I do everything right including eating healthy and working out and drinking my water etc etc. And nothing! No loss, maybe even a slight gain. Soooo then, I cheat because I figure if I do everything right and nothing then might as well be eating something I like. THEN I feel bad about cheating and think about all the pudgy spots on my body and chastise myself.
Last weekend, I had been out drinking and after I drink I like to eat. I had one taco and 5 pieces of sesame chicken and then I felt gross. I proceeded to take two laxatives because I felt so gross. I know thats unhealthy and it really freaks me out that I did that, but I don't think I would ever do that in my sober state.
I'm getting really depressed lately and everyone can tell something is going on and I really want to stop being depressed about something this silly. I basically just needed to vent (because I fear venting to someone like my bf will make him see me as even more unattractive because I will be pointing out all my flaws-I tell you my mind is twisted!)
Thanks for listening to my long complaint lol