Oh boy!! What a topic!

First of all....everyone listen to what Kaplods has said in this thread...she is SO right!

Our family has about a decades worth of experience with this one! I think it's over now.

When our son was little (he's 11 now)....my mother in law decided to tell us that she was dating a guy in prison.....this was NOT easy for us to accept. He was in prison for murder (found out on our own), and had been there since he was 19. Then we found out that he was barely older than my husband....oh dear god...

This whole thing spiraled, causing unbearable family tension. They said they were getting married. It was suggested we call him "grandpa" and they wanted him to meet our kids (NEVER). I've never met him myself, and glad of it! My husband was ambushed into meeting him once...an emotional disaster...
Over the years he'd get released into a halfway house, screw up, cheat on, or take money from my MIL, and get sent back in. He was the kind of guy that spent a LOT of time in solitary confinement, and was also suspected of a fellow inmates death.

It has really traumatized our family (the kids know nothing). I hold a lot of anger toward my MIL for being weak..and a little nuts, and my husband was terribly hurt by the whole ordeal. Like I said, I think it's over now, but you never know.

Listen to Kaplods is all I can say

I hope your friend is open to listening...you're a good friend to be concerned!

Linda

I've been reading this thread with interest, as many years ago I did prison ministries with the church group I was in.

There are good and bad inmates, but the interaction the public has with each inmate is very limited, so it is much easier for a "bad" inmate to act like a "good" inmate during that time. Some of them seemed so nice for the hour or so we had service, then we would hear about something that happened on the inside and had to accept that this person wasn't who he appeared to be with us.

It is easy to talk the talk, write the letters, do the phone call. It doesn't mean it's sincere. Sometimes the intention is sincere, but just as many of us have lost and regained our weight, it doesn't mean the inmate can really follow through, or really wants to.

It is difficult to be in a prison cell without human contact, without sex, without females. A woman comes along who is nice to you and you will say anything, be anything, for the hope that you won't be alone. Especially if your cell mate has a girlfriend or is married and is getting photos, having conjugal visits if you live in a state that has that, or coming back from phone sex, because they share it all with their cellmates, and don't think they don't, even the photos that are up on the wall for everyone to see...

I've heard a lot of stories, from the guards as well, and although there are some successful long term relationships, they are few and far between. Mostly the girls get taken on some level and hurt.
And I agree, just not paying child support does not end you up in jail. And most inmates do NOT tell you the full truth of why they are behind bars. (I heard a lot of sob stories as well as real stories during the ministry, believe me)

If she has to pursue this, why not just keep it a correspondence for now and see what happens after he gets out and has had some time to prove himself? If he is sincere he will not push it, or ask for anything, and he will show he is mending the relationship with his children, and she won't have lost anything or given her heart to be bruised....

Just my thoughts, sorry to be so long....

I think everyone's already said everything that I could say - not all people in prison/jail are bad, but some are, and others are desperate.

The biggest thing I can add is that court records are public record, and many (most?) states have them available online (often for free). It wouldn't take too much to verify or disprove this guy's story, at least as far as the "what he did" aspect goes. A quick google will give you some basic information - we recently went through this with a friend's fiance (we knew something was up but didn't want to put her on the spot... the guy suddenly wasn't allowed to leave the state and things were really tense and shifty). Search for state and county court records for your area - often you'll pull up a public site that you can enter a name and pull up a brief description (i.e. I just went to the state of Iowa site and pulled up my 3 traffic tickets dating back to 2000). There are also the "registered offender" sites - again, most states have registries for violent and/or sexual crimes, which will provide information for current inmates as well as released offenders. And, as people have said, you can get a full background check for a minimal fee, that will give you more information.

It's tricky - your friend has obviously decided to trust this guy, at least as far as correspondence and probably visiting goes. You can express your concern, but without hard evidence (case history, etc), she's likely to just get angry with you and there's not a lot you can do. Good luck - it's always hard to see friends go through situations we'd rather not see them in.