I am thinking of going to an OA meeting but I am scared...really scared. For a long time (my whole life) I never thought I had a problem with food but after reading posts on here it seems obvious to me. Since I was a young girl I have struggled with food and my weight. When I was young I would constantly sneak food. Due to comments by my family I felt like I couldn't really eat in front of them and so when I was alone I would binge like crazy. I remember in high school I was so depressed and felt like I didn't fit in at all. After I came home from school and the house was empty I would eat until I threw up.
In college when I got stressed I would binge on sweets and then make myself throw up. To this day if I am alone and there are sweets around I will eat and eat and eat and then sometimes throw up and eat again. I can't belive I thought this was normal and that I didn't have a problem with food. Food consumes me, esp. in the past 4 years that I have been a SAHM. I am at home all the time and all I can think about is eating. I just hate this. I hate the shame and I hate how my body looks and how I feel.
I even "sleep eat" in the middle of the night. Many nights I have gone to the kitchen half asleep and eaten a ton and then in the morning I barely remember doing it but see the wrappers and feel the heartburn and realize what I have done. I really don't know how to stop. I always thought I couldn't stick to a diet because I was lazy and had no willpower.
I haven't talked about my food issues with anyone...ever. I don't know how I could share all this with strangers. Plus I am not ready at all to share this with my husband. I looked up some groups in my area but I am too chicken to go.
Any words of advice would be very helpful. What can I expect if I go to a meeting? Has what I said sound like OA might be needed and might help me?