I joined a gym a couple months ago. I go 3 to 5 days a week, I am over weight by say 60 pounds. My dh says he loves me the way that I am which is great, except I am not loving myself so much. I want to be able to play w/ my boys and enjoy life w/out losing my breath.
I am not sure exactly how to go with this so it might be a little confusing. I am a confident person, and never thought about weight loss until I was considered "obese" by my doctor, so started me trek. I decided to join for myself, and I feel great about going, and get depressed if I miss a day at the gym. I am not over-worked or anything like that, now getting to my problem..........I had no problems going by myself, until recently, I don't know what triggered in my brain, but all of the sudden, I feel like I just want to break down and cry and run out of the gym, I don't know why, but it is all I can do to keep myself there, I keep talking myself through it, but I have been getting increasingly worse, so bad to the point that I will start arguements with my husband for not going with me and I give him guilt trips for not supporting me, even though he is being supportive. At first my dh didn't go w/ me at all, which was fine because I didn't really need him there, then he started going if his work schedule allowed for it. He thinks that I may have "anxiety" (sp?), and we have had lengthy discussions about my problem, but I just can't seem to get over it! He trys to go everytime with me now, so that I don't break down at the gym, but I don't understand how this came to be,as I had no problems before. I don't understand how I once felt so good about myself to now, feeling awful about myself.
The gym I joined isn't full of "hard-bodies" either, just average people who also want to get fit.
My main goal when I started out was to just get fit, if weight loss happened then great, if it didn't then "oh well". But now I am really insecure, I was once a super outgoing personable person and I have been increasingly getting withdrawn, I keep telling myself "C'mon Ang, this isn't like you". What is going on with me?? I have been also thinking of devious ways to lose weight, which is also unlike me. I have dreams about unhealthy ways to lose weight. I didn't even take tylenol when I gave birth to my boys, I went all natural because of being afraid of taking things like pills and drugs even if they were prescribed, but now I am to the point where I am actually considering taking fat-burners and stuff, the only control I have to not purchase these things is because I am a stay-at-home mom and when I need money I just ask dh for it. He knows that I am a no-pill kinda gal, and I'm sure would not agree with wanting to buy pills or anything for me as he knows I am not like that.
Please help, any advise would be appreciated
Also I wanted to add that I am seeing some results, like calf muscles that I never had and more toned legs, no flab when I walk (atleast my lower legs). I know not to weigh myself because muscle weighs more and stuff like that. Also before, I would never consider lipo or anything else that would alter my body, but now I've been thinking about it. I know dh would never let me because as I said, it is so unlike me and he would think some strange person took over my brain.
I'm sorry this is so long
