I went to an OA meeting last weekend. Left there and stopped at a bakery and bought a chocolate cake and picked up a plastic fork on my way out. Now I did not sit and eat the whole thing. It was too big. But there I am driving my car eating cake out of a box.
I am so tired of being so miserable. I have post traumatic stress and I guess that is my excuse or reason for being so out of control.
I have an abusive daughter and I am in so much pain over her that I can not stop and look after myself. I know I should but right now the only thing I am doing is eating to cope. I know better and need to find some other things when life hurts to much. She is my only daughter. She is 28 years old and has an addiction of her own. I could repeat all the answers. Like look after your self first. But I am having a really hard time doing this. I was doing ok then there was an incident that pushed me back into the deep end.
I really do not have anyone to talk to. I just turned 60 and feel pretty invisible even at the meeting. Everyone has a buddy there and there is always a rush to head out etc. People have kids and families and things going on in there lives and I feel like there is nothing but me and the food.
I feel very ashamed of this behaviour and of suffering from the poor me's.
Just thought I would post this. I do not like to complain. I want to be in a better place. But it is not working. I am going to try and start the day tomorrow with a more positive attitude. I am going to write down my food and try and find alternative coping stratigies. I could use an OA buddy in my area but the there is no group near me. I have to travel into town to go to the meetings that I do go to. They are great meetings. This disease is just so isolating. Hope there is someone out there that has an idea.
Thanks