Quote:
Originally Posted by ddc
I just had a talk with my son. I asked him why he did not want his uncle there and he said it was because of the spoon incident. I talked through the incidents leading up to the spoon incident and let him know that what he did was rude and hurtful, and the reaction by his uncle was not appropriate either. He said he understood. It's also helpful that he's learning about forgiveness at vacation bible school this week. He said that he could come to his birthday dinner, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not. I would like to avoid conflict myself. I wish I'd stuck with my first gut feeling to not invite him. But at least we did discuss the problem again (we did talk about it when it happened). Ok, I feel like I'm rambling now.
Thank you all for your input
Consider taking your son at his word.
He has said he's okay with his uncle coming to the birthday dinner. Believe him.
And talk to your brother ahead of time to say, "Okay, look. We've talked about the spoon incident and my son is still hurt by it, but understands how it happened, knows what led up to it was wrong, and is working on forgiveness. I'd like you to work on forgiveness too. Forgiving a child for speaking in a rude manner and choosing a non-physical reaction next time if at all possible. Maybe you and my son could have a chat about how stressful that moment was and how you're both so glad it's over and you can both move forward, forgiving one another, and enjoy the party."
I know it's tough if you're in a family where--as you mentioned above--things get swept under the rug and not resolved.
But to stop that cycle of head-in-the-sand-choices is to be the true adult in the situation and create a better family going forward.
You're modeling good behavior for your son by showing him that people can forgive and come together to celebrate occasions.
I know you're still wishing you hadn't invited your brother and you're going to feel anxiety over this decision NO MATTER WHAT, so I'd just like to suggest that you treat it as an experiment in moving the family to a healthier place, in the way they deal with conflict. Hopefully your brother can be at least as mature as your son is willing to be in practicing forgiveness.
And forgive yourself for having invited your brother and then wishing you hadn't. If you REALLY don't want him here, you'll un-invite him. Your son has already said it's okay with him. Trust him that this is true and invite your brother to join in the moving forward you're trying to see happen, here.
GOOD LUCK!!!!