Hi All,

I don't post here much, but I am a frequent lurker. I am having a day where my weight and my body size in general just feel oppressive. I need to get this out and I don't know where else to put it.

My best friend of over 20 years is getting married this Sept. It's kind of been a whirlwind thing--she has only known her fiance since Jan. So all of us are still kinda processing everything.

Anyway, I am the Maid of Honor (only because I hate the term Matron) and I am thrilled to be doing this. What I am not thrilled about is the dress that she has chosen for us to wear. She selected it yesterday, none of the bridal party has ordered a dress yet. I called the shop to get details and they said it runs small and that the 12 is the largest they have in the selected color. The 14 will not come in until Sept, so it's not an option.

I relay this info to the bride, who asks me to order the 12 and see how it goes. I go to the shop, they call the catalog and the catalog confirms it runs really small. They ask the clerk to measure me, which she does right by the register in front of a gang of college guys. She reports my numbers at top volume. Then she says that I will definitely need a 16. The woman on the phone says that all sizes are cut for a A/B cup bra--even at my smallest, that is not me at all. It was humiliating. I had to order a dress that I don't even like and I am not sure the bride will like, just because it was in the correct color. By the time I left the store, I was nearly in tears.

I am angry at my friend right now because she doesn't seem to have considered me at all. It's like she didn't even call the company to see what sizes they had available before she chose a style and color. Then when I told her my issue--I flatly told her I was not sure that ANY dress they had would fit--she didn't seem to even hear me. She knows me, she knows what I look like.

I am angry at myself too. Angry that I don't fit into the 6 or the 8 and that I will have tons of photos to prove it. I have never worn a 16 and my numbers are definitely on the way down, but it freaked me out to hear it. I want this to be a motivator, but I am afraid that I will just overeat out of spite after this. I have never tried to lose weight for an event, but I am tempted to try now. But I don't think I will subject myself to the pressure of buying a too-small dress. What would happen if I never lost enough weight?

Thanks for listening to my vent. It feels good to get it out.

here's a little known secret: the devil does the sizing for bridal party gowns.

okay, so maybe it's not true but if feels that way doesn't it? i do know for a fact though that dress sizes are cut smaller--for instance today i tried on a dress i've had in my closet and it fit perfectly. it's a size 16 and as i'm typing, i'm wearing a size 10 pair of pants.

basically what i guess i'm trying to get at is don't sweat over the size--it's only a number. i'm sure you'll look beautiful regardless of what the tag says. keep doing what your doing and just focus on getting healthy.

I agree with graciegoose13, and any wedding or fashion magazine would too: dressmakers' dress sizes are significantly smaller than retail dress sizes.

I had a similar experience when I was looking for a dress for my own wedding (UK sizes here but the same principle): in a bridal dress shop I couldn't zip up an 18, a 20 was a snug fit and a 22 was a comfy/roomy fit. I was gutted and totally demoralised.

However, in the high street shops I tried, it was totally different: a strapless 18 was so big that it slipped straight to the ground despite being zipped up, and the 16 I eventually bought had a lot of room in it.

I've read that dress sizes have changed drastically since the 60s, but that might be retail only, it certainly seems that way.

As for your friend, she clearly doesn't see you the same way you see yourself. And she's going to be so wrapped up in the day that you could turn up in *anything* and she wouldn't notice. Tell her that the dress isn't available, and ask her if she wants the chosen colour or the same style in a suitable colour, and don't beat yourself up over a freeky sizing system. I know how crap it feels, but honestly, from your stats you must look pretty good

This is completely true. Many years ago, when my best friend got married (I was about 200 lb at the time), she wisely chose a dress she thought would look great on all her bridesmaids--we ranged from very tall to very short, from very skinny to me. It was a great dress. We ordered them.

Then...we discovered the dang dress did not fit a single one of us in the bust. Even the skinniest, most flat-chested among us. It was ridiculous.

So quit beating yourself up about the dress; dressmakers are insane and there's nothing wrong with you. Be beautiful and have a great time at your cherished friend's wedding.

Ugh!! The dreaded bridesmaid dress... That saleslady should be shot and p1ssed on!! Seriously, what an awful and insensitive thing to do... >

So what are you going to do if your boobs don't fit, even if you lose enough to get into that 12 by Sept? I am only asking because even when I was down to my lowest weight (106lbs), I was still a large C/small D cup. Some things you can't change...

Maybe your friend is in such a state of 'love-drunk' that she isn't really thinking clearly... If I were you, I would sit her down for a really serious talk and tell her how you feel. I know you have tried, but maybe you have to get very serious before she will listen.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, and I am sure that these other posters are right - the dresses are sized VERY small, so don't get stuck on the number!

And I am sure that one way or the other you will look fantastic by then!

I would cancel the order on the dress and explain to the bride that you can together pick out something that will fit or she can leave it up to you to pick your dress. Just be really nice about it but don't budge!

You have about 3 months until the wedding, if you lose 1 .5 to 2 pounds a week , you will probably be down one size. Have a long talk with the bride, remembering she is probably giddy with details. planning and wanting everything perfect. See if you can , very calmly, ask her to think over the bridesmaid dress issue again,

By the way maid of honor means an unmarried female friend.
Matron of honor means a married female friend. That is the only difference in the term,

By the way, Jenna Bush is getting married this weekend ,
I understand that her 14 attendants are all wearing different colors and styles.

Hi Oaktree (cute avatar, by the way),

Your story reminds me when my ex-boyfriend's older sister was getting married. She was almost 50 and it was her first marriage and she was not overly popular in the family - let's just say she had "a lot of issues". She ordered the same dress for the bridesmaids (the remaining sisters-in-law - I was excluded [thank god] because I was not family yet and I was in Canada (they were in the US) - anyway, the bridesmaids' dresses were hideous and they all absolutely HATED them. I don't recall if the dresses (it was the same one for all of them) was made for the occasion or purchased at a store, but I secretly thought that maybe she chose those dresses out of spite. They were the most unflattering, not to mention unattractive dresses in navy, backless, only with some crossed spahgetti straps in the back, and with a huge bow-tie behind the neck. NONE of the bridesmaids had a body to pull off that dress, if nothing else, it was very unflattering for all of them to be braless. I don't know how come they agreed to wear that hideous navy number, nobody would have gotten me into it.

There is plenty of time. Have a talk with your friend and explain your concerns to her. I hope you can come to an agreement and work this out. Good luck!

I have been at several weddings where the girls wore the same color but each girl had a different style dress. It looked lovely because each one had a dress that fit them. Of course that may not be possible for you but it's a thought. At other weddings I've seen the maid/matron of honor wearing a different color. Actually, now that I remember, when my son got married the bride's maids wore burgundy gowns and the maid of honor wore a gold gown. It also looked lovely (a bit biased here on that one). Maybe you could suggest this to your friend. No one wondered who the maid of honor was because she stood apart from the bridesmaids.

I'm in a wedding in October. I'm going for Spanx. Works wonders I hear. The bride also chose the dress without any of us there and it is strapless. I should NOT be wearing strapless with these girls. Good luck to you!

aww im so sorry. well i share your pain of being a bridesmaid. however, my friend was a bit nicer. she is letting the bridesmaids pick whatever style of dress the want fron davids bridal, as long as it is in the color watermelon. Very nice, I must say. may be your friend might be persuaded to do this??? I mean, I know it's her day, but you've gotta wear the dress...

i would highly recommend sitting down with your friend. I'm sure if she's your good friend she wouldn't want you to go thr humiliation. I would sit her down and say that you were honored to be in her wedding however, the dress she chose does not come in your size and that you would have to drop 3 dress sizes to get in the largest one. I would tell her that you just don't think you could drop that much weight in that much time. You could suggest to her that you guys go together to find a bridemaids dress that you and her like. I think it would look good if the Maid/matron of honor wore a different dress of the same color. If she refused to change her mind..then honestly i don't think she's being very kind. I would never ask someone to change for my wedding. She may have not realized you were the size you were. If she won't budge, then i would honestly bow out of the wedding party. Tell her that you can't make promises to loose that much weight in that short of time and just don't want to disappoint yourself or her.

Also, fyi...wedding sizes are horrible. When i got married i was a true size 12 but my wedding dress was a size 18...gasp!!!!!!!!

good luck!

I feel so sorry for you! My daughter will celebrate her 1st anniversary in a couple of weeks. I remember when she picked out the bridesmaid dresses...lucky all the girls lived close...they ALL went for lunch, manicures then dress shopping...with my former wife, my wife and any other mom's that wanted to tag along! the girls were all shapes and sizes....my daughter wanted for everyone to "love" their dresses...took 1 afternoon...everyone loved their dresses and all went well...I know this is not common...but it worked for them.

I know this doesn't help you...but it might help someone else.