*

Thank you for sharing this amazing, painful and honest story, it brought tears to my eyes.

I'm almost crying. No wait, I am crying! I can really feel what she is saying... I feel it and I've been there and I definitely collapsed

But as you say, Meg, she didn't gain all of it back plus some for good measure (like I did), but still... I would almost call this a collapse as it's 100 lbs...

I've been thinking about what she wrote while I was cleaning bathrooms. What really jumps out at me is her description of drifting along in a haze of denial and Entemanns until she got on a scale. And then she saw that she had gained 100 pounds. That was her reality check and what snapped her out of the haze. It was like the weight gain wasn't real until she saw the number on the scale.

To me, this reinforces the absolute necessity of regular weighing in maintenance. Maybe not daily, but I'd think at least weekly. I'm a daily weigher and when I find myself wanting to skip weighing myself in the morning - that's my signal that uh oh, I really need to get on the scale and see what it says. To acknowledge that it's real.

I wonder if someone could regain 100 pounds if even they were weighing daily?

Wow. I am scared. I don't know what else to say or what else to think. I am scared. I wonder if she was. I wonder if she WAS scared of gaining it all back and what made her say - "Ummm, screw it, I'm eating again. A lot in fact.". When did she think to herself, yup, the food really is worth it, more then my health and more then the joy of being thin.

I know I've mentioned it before, but I have no experience with this. I was never a yo-yo dieter. I only went up and up and up. I have never lost a substantial amount of weight, until now that is. The thought of gaining it back is just unacceptable to me. I feel so strongly in that. Something tells me Frances felt strongly too. And that scares me. I will be on guard the rest of my born days. I wonder if Frances felt that way too. I have maintenance so firmly mapped out in my head. I can just see it now. Lapse- relapse - NO COLLAPSE. Did Frances feel this way too? I wonder.

Meg, we posted at the same time. I avoided the scale for almost 15 years. I didn't NEED a scale to tell me that I was morbidly obese. I didn't even need a mirror. But nevertheless I will step on that scale every morning for the rest of my life. I wonder if Frances felt that way too.

Robin, I've been at goal for almost five years and I'm still scared. And I never want to lose that fear. I worry that I'll become complacent, think that I'm 'safe' and lose the fear. And regain the weight.

I want to feel guilty when I eat things that I shouldn't and I want to be scared.

I wish I knew the answers to your questions and I hope Frances answers them in her book. There have to be reasons why so very many people who lose weight regain it (the 'experts' tell us that within five years, 95% will have regained all the lost weight plus more). It just can't be as simple as a lack of willpower or loss of focus. My heavens, if someone is strong enough to reach goal, their will power doesn't just evaporate! I'm sure every person who reaches goal desperately wants to keep the weight off.

What goes wrong? I don't know and yes, it scares me.

During my periods of maintenance, staying on the scale was vital. There were some days I wanted to avoid it because I knew I wouldn't be happy but for the most part it was there to tell me where I was at and make sure I didn't cross my borderline weight.

I'm like robin though in that I've never yo-yo'd. I bounced between 360 and 330 for many years but since I've gone past that point, I have pretty much gone downwards with some months of struggling and bouncing the same 5 lbs back and forth.

Thanks so much for this thread. I am scared and feel I will never lose my other 50 pounds. After reading this I realize I need to get back on track. This is my first attempt at weight loss. I am halfway to my goal but I feel I have so much further to go.
Thank you for posting these comments.

Thanks for sharing this, Meg. It was indeed quite a read. I wonder if being so openly honest in itself isn't... harder than actually doing the efforts to lose the weight, as overwhelming as they may seem at first. Kind of like, if we're not honest regarding the problem (and honest with ourselves first), then we're doomed to fail in the long run.

And I wonder if we can also get away from the scales! I try to rely on my clothes as well, because the scales don't always reflect this, but every time I've had problems with the weight, it was always after entering some kind of comfort zone when I convinced myself that I didn't need to weigh in anymore. Yeah, right. Like this has proved to work in the past. I should know better by now.

Reading that on a weekend when I've consumed more calories than I have for he previous two weeks of the month is very scary. It may not be scared enough, 'tho.

Mel

I think the long term damaging relapse comes in part from moving the issue from the front of your mind and yes, in a way losing focus. Like, you lose the drive or tell yourself it's no longer important, or decide to take an adventure in food again. Heck, I think it's a food addiction and that we can relapse just like drugs or alcohol people can. I have Frances' book now and have made multiple attempts to get going with it, but I just keep getting stuck in the amusement park area. Now I somehow feel if she relapsed, is it still something I should try to get thru? LIke she doens't have all the answers either, really.

I read the book last year after it was mentioned on the board. If I hadn't already known that she had relapsed, I never would have guessed she would be someone who did. Fran IMO, the book isn't written as though she has all the answers. It more her thoughts of how she ended up at her beginning weight and her journey through weight loss.

After reading that, I'm even more convinced that I will have to weigh very frequently for the rest of my life (already knew that since that's how I began at 346 lbs).

I remember in college, when I went from 300 lbs to 330 in 3 years. I was a clothing shopaholic, so I'd go buy clothes. I would think it was "funny" how the sizes were apparently changing on me. "I used to wear a 24, but I guess a 24 is now a 26". Can we say major denial? One reason for the scale and especially with vanity sizing. A 10 today may be a 12 tomorrow so you can continue buying the same size while the size gets bigger.

I truly believe that it was complacency that caused me to regain my weight after 4 or 5 years of maintenance. Sure I blame it on my stressful job, but in reality, I became complacent.

I never want to do that again.