Robin, I've been at goal for almost five years and I'm still scared. And I never want to lose that fear. I worry that I'll become complacent, think that I'm 'safe' and lose the fear. And regain the weight.
I want to feel guilty when I eat things that I shouldn't and I want to be scared.
I wish I knew the answers to your questions and I hope Frances answers them in her book. There have to be reasons why so very many people who lose weight regain it (the 'experts' tell us that within five years, 95% will have regained all the lost weight plus more). It just can't be as simple as a lack of willpower or loss of focus. My heavens, if someone is strong enough to reach goal, their will power doesn't just evaporate! I'm sure every person who reaches goal desperately wants to keep the weight off.
What goes wrong? I don't know and yes, it scares me.
I think "fear" is a good thing in this situation. I just hope that the fear lasts. I hope the guilt of eating off plan lasts. Forever.
And Allison, I'm thinking you didn't just become complacent. The STRESS caused you to become complacent. Or should I say "allowed" you to.
I have to ask all you mainters this - Is there EVER a time when you actually enjoy eating off plan? Like a piece of cake? Or a bowl of pasta? Or a bagel? Or only if you've PLANNED for it. Alloted calories for it. Do you always feel guilty? Just curious.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 04-16-2007 at 01:13 PM.
I have to ask all you mainters this - Is there EVER a time when you actually enjoy eating off plan? Like a piece of cake? Or a bowl of pasta? Or a bagel? Or only if you've PLANNED for it. Alloted caloires for it. Do you always feel guilty? Just curious.
I'm not a maintainer YET, but I do eat off plan from time to time. Last week, I had a bagel (a big one) with full fat cream cheese. I felt guilty the rest of the day--but then, feeling guilty probably let me keep the rest of the day in control. I have not had any of those crashes where I eat one bad thing and it escalates for the rest of the day with bad choices. Yes, I probably went over my calorie allotment for the day, but not by a huge amount. Usually my off plan eating is kept to a one-meal binge not a whole-day binge. And I guess it really isn't a binge at all--just an indiscretion that needs to be kept in balance by cutting back a little for the rest of the day.
Robin, I always enjoy eating off-plan. I don't think there will ever be a time when I don't enjoy eating a piece of cake. I may feel guilty about it later, and try to make amends by eating less the next day, but I always enjoy eating. Eating is one of my favorite pastimes, which I part of why I got fat in the first place! Anyway, I work in a "cheat" meal each week, so I can still enjoy splurging on a regular basis.
Robin, I don't feel guilty is if I've planned an indulgence in advance. Usually that happens about once every two months on a dinner out with DH. Then I'll have some wine and dessert and completely enjoy every bit of it. The emphasis always is on planning.
But I have to be happy where my weight is before I plan to indulge. Otherwise, if my weight is a few pounds up from where it should be, I'll keep the brakes on. It's so easy to gain a few pounds and so, so hard to take them off again. I never want to let it get out of hand.
And it's easier for me to indulge away from home than at home. If I have one cookie at home and there are more in the house, they call my name. But when you're away from home, it's a one time deal that you enjoy and then it's over.
I think if I knew I had to go w/o a bagel or pasta, I would cry. But for every person, it's something different. I won't crave icecream or cake because I know the sugary taste will get me wanting more, when I really DON'T want more, it's just the sugar doing it's thing. But if it's real food which provides sustenance and not a treat, then I have it as part of my regular meals. I may not lose as quickly as I would if I cut them all out, but that's ok with me. I've been there and that doesn't work for me. So I try to eat in moderation while not eliminating anything - unless it's outright non-nutritive stuff. This seems to be where I can make it work.
When I read her book initially, I thought her food plan was much too drastic and restrictive to maintain for the rest of her life. She was required to measure all of her food, no sugar, no flour...I remember when she talked about maintenance, she said something like she added a piece of fruit (or something similarly simplistic). So, she basically had a mealplan for life that didn't really include restaurants or potlucks or business trips or you know REAL LIFE.
It is a big wake up call for me, I've been a little lax for a couple of months now. Just letting myself slide into going out to dinner more often, eating desserts, eating out of the bread basket (so huge for me), not making "smart" ordering decisions (grilled salmon, no butter/oil, double the vegetables please). I haven't been on the scale in a couple of weeks.
I want to get myself back into my personal "sweet spot" where what I eat is less punitive than Frances but still careful and thoughtful of my long term goals. So tomorrow, on the scale. Face whatever it says. Plan healthy meals for the week, if I go out to eat, make careful choices and stay the **** out of the bread basket. For 2 years I maintained with one "treat" meal a week - I need to go back to that successful system.
I haven't slipped completely, I am eating on plan I would guess 80% of the time, I want to be back up to 90%.
I'm sorry for Frances Kussell, but damn, her writing just makes me cringe. The self-hatred and inability to move beyond her debilitating self-image problems is hard to take, especially when one recoognizes those tendencies in oneself. As I said, hard to read.
I wish her the best of luck. I hope she solves the riddle and writes a new book with a happier ending.
Meg, I'm so glad I came across this today. I needed it. I will definitely read her new book when it comes out. I have been slipping a little and gained back a few lbs. and I want greatly to get back into focus. This did help me to realize that I just don't want to go THERE again. Being Obese was no fun at all. This definitely put that FEAR back in me. I knew that my eating had been off plan. I didn't want to face that scale. I'm glad I did. It really would have been worse if I hadn't gained, because I was definitely TESTING the waters and getting into dangerous territory. It is like, It just wasn't that important anymore. For almost 2 yrs. it has been the MOST important thing in my life. How could I quit caring? Where did my willpower and motivation go? Why did foods that I had quit eating reappear in my cupboard? (EX. chips , crackers, cookies and such). How did 1 TBSP daily of Peanut Butter turn into 2 or 3?
I know that some people are probably thinking, Good Lord you only gained 5 lbs. and that isn't a big deal. But, to me it is. I was on a slippery slope. I was out of control. I'm admitting it and taking responsibility for it. That 5 lbs. could easily have become 10,15, 20 or back to the land of Obesity. It scared the crap out of me.
Robin, as far as "cheating" goes. I do feel guilty if I cheat even it's planned. Absolutely the food still tastes great going down.
Lily, I totally understand what you're saying about the slippery slope. I think we all realize how incredibly easy it would be to gain the weight back - in probably very little time. Even one step down that road is terrifying because we all know what's lies at the end - weight regain, relapse, collapse. Oh yeah, it's a very big deal!!
Huge congratulations to you for only letting it get be five pounds! I know you did the right thing by getting on the scales and getting back in control. I really think that getting on the scales regularly and seeing the consequences of our eating choices keeps us from sliding back into that world of denial that most of us used to live in.
I talk to everyone and anyone I can about weight regain and ask them what happened? No one who I've talked with who's lost and regained ever weighed themselves while they were regaining. That says a lot to me. They say it was 'just happened' without them realizing it - one person said it's like when you get in the car to go somewhere, get there, and don't remember the drive. Like you're on autopilot and not aware of what you're doing.
I believe that our old, bad habits and eating issues are always with us - that we're never cured; instead we learn to manage them. It's certainly true in my case! And if we ever stop consciously working on maintenance (sometimes it really feels like a job, doesn't it?), then we go on autopilot and right back to those old, bad ways of eating.
Maintenance is just one big rollercoaster - you're up and then you work to get back down. Then something happens and you're up and so on. I don't know about you guys but my weight is never in the same place twice!
Lily, you've talked before about how your weight loss is so important to you, both for your health and how you feel about yourself (not to mention cute little clothes ). I know it's worth it to you to keeping fighting. I know you still have the willpower and motivation! You'll get those five pounds off in no time at all.
Meg, thanks so much for the support. I do feel better and back in control (for now at least). I really had to take time and think about it. Re-evaluate my reasons for losing the weight. DUH, my health. Which is still so very important to me.
My jeans being tight the other day, sent me a message. Take the WT. off now or I will need to buy bigger clothes. The Dr. will ream me out. My blood pressure and heart rate will start climbing again. My liver enzymes will go up. My Shortness of Breath will start again. Just oodles of health reasons as well as vanity ones to get back in control.
After 4 days now, I accept that my gain wasn't just water weight or it would be gone. I know that life will happen. That I will have stressors and that I will falter. I consider this a relapse. I acknowledge that I sometimes let the stress get to me and eat off-plan. Especially when I have company and they are eating foods that I know not to eat. Sometimes I'm strong and refuse their goodies, sometimes I don't.
For me, this wt. will always be a struggle. I can never just eat carelessly and have whatever I want. I did that for yrs. and it got me to 234 lbs.
I'm not a maintainer, but.. this resonates. I've just came back from 2 weeks off - one was planned, a trip back up to my mother's to celebrate my 22 birthday. I had known my food would be off, but I was also planning on making healthier foods, watching my portions, and exercising. None of that happened. My last day there, I came down with a cold that turned into an evil week-long ordeal (longer actually.. I still have it slightly, but not enough to hamper me). My eating was better, but I wasn't counting and I wasn't exercising. Both finally started last Sunday.
As of Monday, I had gained 7 pounds. I know most of this is water weight that will come off in the next week or two, and I'm not completely worried about that. What scares me was how easy it was to fall back into my old cycle, just sitting around. How my routine of exercising 5-6 days a week has become that much harder with 2 weeks off. Maybe because that story mentions an Alix, being the first time in my life I have seen someone spell thier name the same way I do outside of a history book (a misspelling too, really.. there is actually no "I" in my name, but that's just a pet peeve and a tangent).
Im scared of being complacent. Ive lost the weight and gained it back... not as much as I have lost now (Ive never lost more than 30 lbs at one time before in my life). Im young, health risks and obesity run in my family (my sister was diagnosed with diabetes when she was 16)
Thank you Meg for posting this.. I needed it. Ive lost 50 pounds in 8 months.. time to get the rest of this gone
(Sorry this was so all over the place everyone.. it's 2 am and Im confusing myself! *G*)
I talk to everyone and anyone I can about weight regain and ask them what happened? No one who I've talked with who's lost and regained ever weighed themselves while they were regaining. That says a lot to me. They say it was 'just happened' without them realizing it - one person said it's like when you get in the car to go somewhere, get there, and don't remember the drive. Like you're on autopilot and not aware of what you're doing.
I just had an AHA! moment reading this portion of Meg's post. For most of the time when I was losing the 50 pounds over 14 months, I wasn't weighing myself. Not even monthly. When I got close to my goal, I started to weigh myself weekly. Now, thanks to Meg, I've learned I need to continue to do so from here on out. It's just a fact of maintenance.
In my distant past when I went on crash type diets, I'd only weigh myself when I was losing the weight. Then I'd go back to 'normal' eating, i.e. what ever I felt like, and I stopped weighing myself. A few months would go by and all of a sudden I'd realize that I'd regained the weight and often with some extra to go along.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meg
I believe that our old, bad habits and eating issues are always with us - that we're never cured; instead we learn to manage them. And if we ever stop consciously working on maintenance, then we go on autopilot and right back to those old, bad ways of eating.
My bad eating habits are eating when I'm bored or depressed, eating because I think something will taste good but not because I'm hungry, and eating too much in social situations. It has taken two months on 3FC and reading 4 weight loss books for me to pin point where my weaknesses are.
As Dr. Phil loves to say, "You can't fix what you don't acknowledge." Becoming more aware of why I overeat and acknowledging when I'm in a situation or state of mind where I am tempted to overeat, will help me maintain my weight loss.
). I know it's worth it to you to keeping fighting. I know you still have the willpower and motivation! You'll get those five pounds off in no time at all. 
