Today is I suppose a happy one for me, yet I am feeling suddenly blue. Hopped on the scale today, I'm down to 206 lbs. Which means I've lost 81 pounds so far, exactly half way to my goal of 125. So although I'm thrilled to have lost the 81, which for the first time to me is a substantial number, I still have a substantial number to lose, another 81. I knew this was going to be a tough and long fight, that's not the problem.
Here's the problem, luckily something I don't dwell on too much, but for some reason today I am - How in the world did I allow myself to get into this situation? How did I allow myself to get to 287 lbs at a mere 5 feet tall? Why did I think it was okay? Sure I was home raising the kids, boredom, frustration, lonliness, probably some real depression issues,mommy mode - kids first, mommy last, just plain old bad habits, yada, yada, yada. I know all that. All legitimate reasons I suppose, but quite frankly not valid enough. Weren't there enough clues along the way to wake me up? The horrible inactivity, the horrible clothing situation, the out of breath from practically nothing, the seat belt situation and so on and so on. My horrendous body!!! What kind of example was I setting for my children? I am their number one role model. What the heck was I thinking?
And why now does it seem so crystral clear as to this was TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE? Sure you get older and wiser, and finally get fed up enough, but my gosh, one would have thought that I would have woken up a bit sooner. I've always thought myself to be a fairly intelligent person (don't know if others would agree), so why did I blow it soooo big time on this one MAJOR issue? I mean is there anything in the world more important then one's own health?
Well, I guess I've rambled and vented enough, sorry to bore you. And yes, I am most thankful that I finally DID wake up and decide to take some ACTION and try to repair the horrible damage that I've done to myself.
I suppose I will never have an answer to the question as to how I could have let this happen. It just could be the #1 rhetorical question of all time.