Hi everyone, just found this floating around on here and thought I would share it!!
Falling Off The Diet Wagon
by Jonathan Bowden, M. A.
"One of the most discouraging aspects of weight loss are the inevitable slips. Everyone has them. For some people, an occasional slip engenders an all out binge...followed by guilt, self-recrimination, a sense of powerlessness, and a feeling of "What's the use?"
Sound familiar?
I call it "falling off the diet wagon," and if you can change how you think about it, you don't need to be victimized by it anymore.
Let's start by looking at a simple children's game called "Chutes and Ladders." Here is how it works: you use a spinner to advance from space to space toward the winner's spot. Along the way there are ladders-which leapfrog you over a lot of spaces-as well as chutes-which send you back in the opposite direction.
Some kids play this game with a laissez-faire, "whatever" attitude, taking life as it comes with all its ups and downs, pitfalls and triumphs. They learn the wonderful moral of Chutes and Ladders-half the secret of life is just showing up. Keep playing the game, and eventually you will get where you are going.
Some kids, however, get very upset when they land on a chute. They are ready to quit the game, pick up their proverbial marbles and go home. For some reason, they believe that life isn't supposed to have any chutes. When they land on them, they are very disappointed and feel like giving up.
Weight loss is like a huge game of Chutes and Ladders.
In dealing with hundreds of clients over the years, I've discovered that the biggest difference between the winners and the losers in the weight loss war isn't whether or not people have "slips" and go off their program. It's not really a question of "if" they have them, it is a question of "when."
What really makes the difference is how you deal with the slips when they happen.
Her's an example. You have been absolutely wonderful on your plan for three weeks. You've been sticking to your exercise routine and feeling pretty terrific. You go to your best friend's wedding and have a glass of wine. Before you know it, soemone is insisting that you try those delicious little canapes, and before the wedding singer can say "Tanta Elka Cuts The Cake," you've managed to down about 4,000 calories from stuff you wouldn't have been caught dead looking at during the past few weeks...pates, desserts, breads, stuffings, you name it.
Most people think that's where the action stops. Actually, it's where the real action begins.
First, a reality check. Have you done a lot of damage? Not really. You may have put on a pound or two. Big deal. You can knock it off in no time, and go right back to work on yourself.
So what's the problem?
The problem isn't what we did, but what we make it "mean." We tell ourselves that our "transgression" means that we have no willpower, that we will never succeed, that our efforts are in vain.
Let me suggest something more empowering.
Suppose, instead, that we learn to see life's occasional "chutes" as just that-stumbling blocks that everyone hits on their personal path to personal power, nothing to be afraid of and certainly nothing to give a lot of meaning to.
So you had a chute. On your next spin you might hit a ladder.
Most important of all, you can't win the game unless you keep on playing.
And every minute gives you a new chance for another spin. Take it.
And don't look back.
*this article was found by 3FC member Silence...I thought you all might enjoy it as much as I did.*
As far as the "How did I let this happen?" question, everyone's nailing it on the head. As a couple people have mentioned, I think it's denial and deluding ourselves. My favorite mantra has been "I don't care, it doesn't matter." That little cue has allowed me to forget for the moment that I have a life and I DO care and it DOES matter. It has allowed me to suspend time to indulge in my addiction.
When you say, "What was I thinking?" I don't think you really were thinking. You were probably trying NOT to think about whatever was driving you to eat.
The main thing is. This is a journey. It's a journey of self-healing and self-acceptance. Give yourself a big HUG. You're a star and you're taking good care of yourself. Where you've been has made you who you are--a strong, wise, and lovable woman.
First - let me add my congratulations - what a long way you have come!!!
I really like Suzanne’s analogy!! That is how I got to my highest size in the first place. But I stayed there because it was an excuse not to try anything new. In my mind trying actually equaled failure. Unlike friends and family members, I didn’t have to worry about things like applying for a better job because face it – they weren’t going to hire fat old me. I didn’t have to worry about going on a date with the new guy because face it – he would just break up with fat old me. And I didn’t have to go on that trip to the Rocky Mountains because face it – fat old me couldn’t keep up with the rest of the group. (I could go on, but I won’t ‘cause I like ya’ll!). It took me a long time to realize that I was becoming the ultimate failure because I wouldn’t even try, but the light bulb finally came on. I’ve still got a long way to go both mentally and physically, but I’m doing my best not to slip back into that old mentality.
I so want my nice co-worker, who is in the mid 200s, to join 3FC. Even if she doesn't commit to a plan, I just want her to see how great 3FC is and how helpful it can be, plus tips on actually getting OP. She is clearly in the "denial" and "too much effort to bother" frame of mind. I've mentioned 3FC a few times, but I don't think she checked it out because I don't think she really wants to make any effort at this point to lose. That's OK and certainly her prerogative. I just worry about her, so I want so much for her to see how relatively simple it is to get OP once you get the support, information and do a little bit of planning.
Anyway, my question is: would it be totally out of line to print out this thread and give it to her so she MIGHT read it (I realize she may dump it in the circular file anyway) and get interested in checking out 3FC? I dont want her to think I'm trying to push her into weightloss if she's unwilling and I certainly dont want to insult her in any way. Think back to before you started here, would you have minded?
Anyway, my question is: would it be totally out of line to print out this thread and give it to her so she MIGHT read it
Hi Mami,
IMHO, it really depends on how close the two of you are. If you are friends as well as co-workers...and if you are close enough to share confidences, then I would share this thread with her. If you are only aquaintances, then I probably wouldnt bring the subject up again. If she gets serious or ready to deal with her weight issue, she might come to you or she might decide to check out 3FC on her own. Who knows, she just might be lurking on the threads now!
Mami...in answer to your question. I'm not sure what she will think, but I know I wouldn't have liked it.
It would have only made me feel worse about myself. This has happened to me in a few confrontations with loved ones and only left me feeling sad and insulted, and hating myself for being a failure.
I can only start when I am ready...everything else falls on deaf ears...it's that whole denial thing again.
However, I'd like to hear what everyone else thinks...'cause I'm super sensitive!
GOOD LUCK...and you are so sweet to be worrying about her like this
Mami -- I agree with the others, unfortunately she is probably not ready yet and might be insulted by your offers to help. You know we are all just so far past that!!!
She is still coasting in the denial stage unfortunately, something "big" needs to happen to her to get her going unfortunately. You know, the point we all decided we'd had enough - the embarrassing moment, the lack of nice clothes, no energy, etc.
The best help you can be to her and that you are sticking with it and hopefully she will see your great progress and look to you for support.
Mami, I agree with my fellow 100 lb clubbers. Although I know without a doubt you are just trying to help her, I think it would really, really upset her. And it would probably be pointless as well. Believe me she KNOWS she's fat and she KNOWS she should lose weight. All the KNOWing in the world doesn't mean a darn thing until SHE is ready to deal with it. Until she cares about herself more then the food. We all here know HOW to lose weight. It's a matter of wanting to - BADLY ENOUGH.
Shelby, just wanted to say thanks for the article. It was interesting and insightful.
Nancy, You're right, I wasn't thinking - I was avoiding. And yes, even though I am only at the half way point this losing experience has been just that an experience. Now certainly I wish I wouldn't have had to gone through it, but I tell you I am enjoying it and LEARNING from it. I am so glad you have joined this place. I think we will all gain from having you on board. You're so witty and intelligent and you write beautifully.
Melsfolly, yes keeping the old fat on is quite an excuse for avoidance. Avoiding this and avoiding that. Avoid, avoid, avoid. I'm so glad you found that lightbulb. Now you have a chance to SHINE!!!!!
Thanks ladies, I've already thrown the printed thread in the trash based on your responses. She's just such a nice person and this site is just so helpful so I would love it if she'd at least check it out, but alas, can bring horse to water but cant make it drink (I've actually tried this with my doggie but she wouldn't drink either, even when I knew she was hot and thirsty)..and all that good stuff.
Hi everyone, just found this floating around on here and thought I would share it!!
