My dear daughter just turned 14 last week. Last summer when I started Atkins she wanted to try it, so I modified it some and let her do it with me. She also walked with me every evening. She lost 27 lbs. and was down to 108 lbs. and is 5'2. She has now gained all the weight back and is very depressed over it. She weighs 135 and although that isn't too bad, she carries it all in her stomach. Wears a size 1-3 in jeans that button below the waist, but looks about 6 months pregnant. (true pregnancy isn't an issue) I carry my extra weight in the same place. I can't get her to walk with me anymore because she said she's so fat that she's embarrassed to walk outside and hates the treadmill. She was so proud of herself when she lost the weight, but she is so depressed now. I am trying to get counseling for her. She wants to try to lose weight again but doesn't want to have to give up the carbs. Does any one know what a good sensible plan for a young teen would be.? Can teens this young use WW? Any help with this situation would be greatly appreciated.

My weight was such an issue at her age, I really feel for you. I know my mother was at a loss with me as to what to do. I was sent to weight watchers at 14. I hated it. I did lose weight, but I put it back on again before I reached goal. I really hated being told what to do, and how to do it.

What would have been better I think is for my mum to have helped me learn how to eat healthily, how to manage stress without food and most of all, to exercise and have fun. A girl that age needs carbs. Without them you feel tired and lack energy, and you can't study, exercise or have fun with your friends while you feel miserable and food deprived.

My mum was always hung up about her weight, and she passed the same anxieties on to me. It only made me become bigger and bigger, until at the age of 21 I was well over 240lbs. Your daughter probably listens more than you realise to what you say about yourself, and a lot of her depression could be learnt behaviour.

Your daughter isn't overweight. Her BMI is just inside the healthy weight range, so really she shouldn't be accepted onto weight watchers. I do think she needs some help to get a handle on it, as she doesn't have much breathing room, and could easily become overweight.

Counselling, lots of love, and maybe some sneaky exercise (playing with a dog, babysitting some active kids, rollerblading, cycling) would be my approach of choice. Concentrating on delicious, healthy foods, and concentrating on what can be eaten without gaining weight rather than what you can't eat, might help.

Do you have a supportive doctor who could help with a referral for counselling and/or a dietician/nutritionist?

Maybe being sneaky would help?

I assume that you prepare most of the family meals. She doesn't have to go low carb all together. Prepare healthy meals and serve everyone before you call them to the table so that protions aren't an option. Make just enough for everyone so that second helpings aren't an issue. You can control her calorie intake, at least while she is at home, without her even realizing it.

As for exercise, maybe you could plan family activites that aren't structured workouts. Invite her to do things that involve walking - going to the zoo, a museum, window shopping. Ask her to help carry the groceries in. If she's interested enroll her in a dance class, an organized sport - and practice with her at home for extra exercise. If she isn't into a group setting take her to play tennis. Ask her if she can teach you how to dance (or you teach her!).Have contests to see who can jump rope or hula hoop the longest (teenagers LOVE to show up their parents!) At her age being active is much more important that having a "real" workout. Now is the time for her to develop the spirit that being active feels good and is fun rather than learning that exercise is a chore.

Lilybelle, I agree with Kykaree about the sneaky exercise. I have two daughters in college. When the oldest was in middle school, she tended to pick up a little extra weight easily. I really didn't want her to suffer the weight anxieties I had at that young age so in summer I always signed the girls up for swimming activities, horseback riding lessons, etc. under the pretense of their not getting bored. This helped my oldest tone up and keep in shape plus they got good fun exercise habits. Plus, I tried to limit the amt of junk food in the house and have things like veggie trays, fruit, salsa and light taco chips. It is very, very easy for a teenage girl to develop an eating disorder so tread lightly. If she is in the healthy range for her height and age, she should be proud of it because so many young people her age are not.

Good Luck--BJF

I agree. You daughter is not overweight. When I was 14 I WAS overweight and I knew I was and whenever someone told me I just felt much worse about myself. I would suggest no diet at all, just teach her to eat healthy and exercise. Don't cut carbs or anything of the sorts. Just teach her to eat healthy and everything in moderation is okay. Again she is only 14 and will probably grow into the weight. If she is wearing a size 1-3, so can't be very big at all. I have a 10 year old sister and she wears a size 10!!! Maybe all she needs to do if a few crunchs to tone her stomach area.

Anyway, I really don't think you should encourage her too much because she is not overweight, just teach her to eat healthy No diets, no weight watchers, nothing like that.

I just think what I wish I could go back and tell my 14 year old self. I started to get "chunky" in high school. That was back in the stone ages - I don't think anyone knew the benefits of healthy, whole foods, it was low cal this or low fat that. Instead of a regular cookie, I would eat a fat-free cookie and actually felt I was doing something good for myself.

If I could go back to my 14 year old self, I would get interested in some sort of athletic activity - volleyball, track, lacrosse. Something where I could be on a team and make friends and be active, something that would carry the love of exercise into adulthood.

I would not diet. I started dieting around 16 or so, just started me on a path of restriction/binge that would take me from a 140 lb high school student to a 200 lb adult. I would just try to live an 80/20 lifestyle. Make healthy choices most of the time. I would encourage EATING instead of NOT EATING - goals would be around making sure I had 5 servings of vegetables, 2 servings of fruit, whole grains, healthy fat, lean protein and low fat dairy everyday.

If I were a parent, I would eliminate all soda and junk food from the house, nobody needs that stuff. I would make sure there were plenty of yummy healthy snacks on hand - hummus and pita chips, veggies already cut up and ready to eat, fruit, string cheese, trail mix, low fat cottage cheese, healthy yogurt (not that sugar free, low fat, high fructose corn syrup abomination). I would educate on food labels - what are transfats, what is high fructose corn syrup. I would take my children with me to the grocery store and explain why I purchase the whole grain bread with 4+ grams of fiber a serving instead of the "wheat bread" with 1 gram of fiber a serving - I would make sure they knew why one bread was a better option.

I would give my children the love of cooking. My mom always did all the cooking, I left the house not even sure what to set the oven to make french bread. I would make it a fun mom/daughter experience, go to the farmer's market, shop for fresh produce, go home and make something great (like roasted red pepper soup or something).

I wish I knew at 14 what I know now, I think I could have spared myself 20 years of heartbreak with my weight.

Thanks everyone for the posts. I thought maybe she and I could take a swimming or water aerobics class together. She had heart surgery at 8 years old and hiatal hernia repair at 9 yrs. old. She had always had problems with stomach sickness 5 or 6 times daily prior to surgery and was never able to do PE or athletics. I know she wishes she could do some type of sport but feels that all the other kids are already so advanced. Since I have a teenage son and a husband that love their junk food, it's hard to keep it out of the house. I don't feel my daughter is over-weight, just feel she needs to tone up and feel better about herself. I certainly don't want her to feel she constantly has to cut out her favorite foods. My brothers used to pick on me and tell me I was fat all the time while we were growing up. I think a lot of my weight issues stem from their comments, and I was 5'7 and 135 through high school. My biggest concern with my daughter is according to her "I feel like a failure". This tears at my heart. I want her to feel good about herself, she is very beautiful and very smart. She is in the gifted program at school but lately has been giving very little effort to her school work. This is why I am looking for counseling for her. She says she carries the weight of all of her friends problems on her shoulders and it's just too much for her. My biggest concern about her weight is that she is eating full-meals 6 times a day. She eats breakfast at home, then breakfast at school, lunch at school, a sandwich and large bowl of cereal when she gets home, the nutritious dinner that I cook, then fixes her something else to eat at about 9PM. At this rate and with no exercise, I expect she is gonna get a whole lot bigger by the time school starts back and she starts her Freshman year of high school. Last week she stayed after school everday and practiced for the Color Guard (flag thing for the ball games) and I was so proud of her. But, when they had try-outs on Monday, she didn't try out. She said "it was just one more thing for me to fail at". I was so disappointed that she has no confidence in herself. Sorry this is so long, my heart just aches for her.

Hi LilyBelle, as an overweight teenager, I definitely ate too much, as it sounds like your daughter is doing. My mom was very concerned with my eating habits, and she always let me know. She would question me, “do you really need to eat that?” “Haven’t you already eaten enough?” “do you really need to eat that before bed?” I know NOW that she was genuinely concerned for me and my health, but at the time it only made me resent her, and made us fight like cats and dogs until I was about age 18. My best advice is, you cannot make anybody lose weight if they don’t want to do it for themselves. No amount of gentle hints or suggestions is going to help. I hope I’m not coming off sounding pessimistic, but I just know that your daughter will not lose weight until she is ready to do it herself, and make the conscious decision on her part to change her eating habits.

There was an item on the news the other day about children and their weight. I was watching with my sons (19 & 24 y o). One shrugged and said "Don't give them money and keep only good food in the house."
I thought that was pretty clever, but I didn't think about school lunches.

Also, teenagers just need more food then children or adults (in relation to their exercise level). Their bodies are going through tremendous changes, and that takes fuel. The general guidelines for a female teenager are around 2110: over 500 cals over that for a child, and more than 100 cals over that for a grown woman. (Of course, these numbers are not set in stone and depend on activity levels.) When you have a child at the cusp of true teenagerhood, watching their eating go from the child level to the teenage can be a bit shocking.

The best thing you can do now is not worry about her weight, but really emphasize that healthy foods are declicious and that exercise is entertaining. (And this can only be done by example and inclusion.) The dishes you cook today are really going to influence how all of your children eat when they go out on their own. The daily activities you engage in will be the ones they prefer. Is there a fully stocked vegetable drawer in the fridge? Is the TV turned off more than it is turned on? Does the conversation ever center around health issues (not weight, health). Does everyone know that they are loved and worth being loved? These are the things that will make the biggest difference in a child's health throughout his or her life.

If this is the case, I wouldn't worry: your daughter is getting everything she needs to live a long, healthy, and happy life.

Are you your daughter's problem? Do you have unrealistic goals about what she should weigh? She is a normal weight. Sounds like an appointment with a nutritionist could benefit both of you...point her in the direction of healthy eating and get some guidance on a normal weight for her.

I would have to agree. I used to eat too much as a teenager and was very chunky. I was chunky even before I became a teenager, and there was one day when I was trying on clothes and my mother and her sister kept calling me husky, chunky, and big-boned. I told my mother that those words didn't make me feel good and she hasn't made any sort of negative comment about my weight ever since.

I know my mother must have been concerned, but I am so grateful that she didn't try to force me to lose weight. Young women at that age are filled with so many insecurities, that they don't need to here it at home. Your daughter will lose the weight when she is ready, and if she's forced to do so before she's ready, the weight will almost certainly come back.

Instead, focus on what's positive in her life. Is she good at certain subjects, involved in school plays, does she play an instrument? Right now, anything to raise her feelings of self-worth should be the main focus. Rather than trying to fix what's wrong, I genuinely believe your daughter will benefit from a mother who nurtures what she's doing right. I remember feeling that I wasn't "good enough" growing up, and I'm afraid that in spite of your genuine good intentions, trying to get your daughter to lose weight will reinforce those feelings of inadequacy.

Well, that's my two cents. I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your child (I don't have any myself), but I do remember how it feels to be a chunky 14 year old.

I tell my daughter daily that she is beautiful and intelligent and that she doesn't need to diet. She knows the reason that I was put on diet was due to my health. She did mention last night that she wished I had a bicycle and could go riding with her. I am gonna get a bike and ride with her, I think it would be great to do something like this with her. I would much rather that she just get some form of exercise than try to diet. My concern was that she feels so bad about herself. She kept coming to me and asking what diet she could go on that wouldn't involve giving up carbs. I do blame myself for ever letting her try Atkins in the first place. However, it was with doctor approval and it was modified for extra fruit, dairy , carbs and grains. I don't want her worrying about weight all her life, like I have.

Although she is a relatively small size, ABDOMINAL FAT ISN'T A HEALTHY SIGN. I understand she's a small size, but looking like your pregnant indicates that the child doesnt get enough activity!! Carrying extra weight is alright anywhere else, but if its concentrated at the stomach perhaps she really should join a sports team.

My DD is 14 also & loves her starches & grains (like her mama). A few years ago I thought she was getting a little heavy for her height, so I started a family exercise routine. Three or four times a week thiry minutes at a stretch. Any fun, active group activity. Long walks, scootering, bike riding. You name it. At the time she loved to do Tae Bo tapes with my DH. She lost the weight slow & steady & has maintained it ever since. I never put her on a formal program or restricted her food intake.Best wishes with your daughter!