i have a problem/question that i think nearly everyone on our forum has struggled with and i was hoping to get some advice. i have lost a lot of weight (about 40 pounds) but i still don't feel satisfied with what i look like. even though i know i am not fat anymore, i still go into places like the mall or a bar or club and feel like the "fat girl." i still go to the gym and see people there and think "oh if i could only have arms/legs/stomach/etc." like hers. i originally put my weight loss goal at 154, which i reached, but decided i still wasn't satisfied with my weight. so i revised my goal to 138 (or a size 6/8), but have recently been thinking i should maybe lose even more. i see this in other poeple around me too...my best friend lost 35 pounds on weight watchers and wear a size 4 but still isn't comfortable in a bathing suit. i know its an impossible question to answer, but at what point do we stop losing weight and start loving the body that we have worked so hard to achieve?

I was watching the new Tyra Banks show yesterday, and this topic was on there. Part of it (according to the shrink on the show), is that it takes a while for the brain to catch up with the body since you have been so used to seeing a certain thing in the mirror for so long. The other part could be, (I think it was called) Body Dismorphic Syndrome, where you don't see what you really look like in the mirror. I don't know what you can do about it, but I know it's normal. I don't think that happiness will ever be in a number, that's why it's so hard to reach your goal, because that may or may not make you happy. I think the only thing that you can do is just change your thought process, and say good things to yourself. I don't know if full satisfaction ever comes until you let yourself be happy with yourself the way you are right now, no matter what weight that is! It's an inspiration to me how far you have come!!! I don't think that really helped, but I know where you're coming from!

thanks, stephanie. it does help to know that there are people who are in the same boat as me! congrats on your weight loss!!

I see the fat chick in the mirror, but pictures are different. I was watching the video from my wedding rehearsal and I honestly said out loud, "who is that?" and it was the back of me! I think a lot of my thing is comparing. If I see myself, I look huge. When I am next to other people, I can remember back to when I was bigger than them, now I am smaller than them. Understand? Anyway, I can't wait until I can look at me in the mirror and smile (and not becuase I am holding my baby!).

I know the feeling too . . . I am so close to my goal weight-wise, but I feel like I am still pretty far from what I want my body to look like. Don't forget though that the lower your weight gets, the more each pound shows. The difference between 145 and 140 was WAY more for me than the difference between 170 and 165. I didn't notice the difference between 140 and 135 though, because 135 snuck up on me while I wasn't looking somehow (more like while I was on vacation and eating crap, then I came home and all of a sudden I was 135, what's up with that?).

I am starting to worry that I won't be satisfied at 130 though. I know for sure that I do not want to get under 125 because I feel like that would be unhealthily thin for me given my body type. I think at this point for me it becomes more about body fat percent and muscle tone than actual weight.

I'm totally rambling, but there are a lot of thoughts running around in my head. One is that I've had occasions where I still see "fat" and occasions where I think "OMG, am I that skinny? What is wrong with me?" A few days ago I had a moment where my wrist suddenly felt really small and bony, and it really did scare me. It felt like a "skinny" wrist. OTOH I still see a good amount of flab on my inner thighs, upper arms, and lower belly (though not anywhere else anymore, and certainly not as much as there used to be). AND I thought that by the time I got to a weight this low, I would be a smaller size than I am. I'm still between an 8 and a 10 depending on the store and the cut of the clothes, I'm not even a reliable 8. I thought that I would at least be a reliable 8. Hopefully I will be when I get to 130. It just seems like most people around here, when they hit goal, are a 4/6, and I am still struggling between 8 and 10. Don't get me wrong, I'm elated to be able to fit into an 8 for the first time since I was 14 or 15. But it still bothers me that I buy 10's for half my clothes.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about anymore, other than I know how you feel. I also wonder if I will ever really be satisfied with my body, and I wonder if when I get to 130 I will have to revise my goal to 125. Then I wonder if I get to 125 what do I do?

I'm with you... even though I know I can fit into smaller jeans, I don't wear them all the time because I catch myself thinking, those are skinny clothes and I'm still fat! How weird, huh? To be able to wear smaller clothes but not to do it?

Remember, there will always be someone thinner than you. Depending on your body type, there will always be someone with a flatter stomach, a perkier butt, toner arms. Concentrate on your body, on the goal that makes the most sense for you personally.

For example, if my tummy were perfectly flat, I'd be able to look in the mirror and count ribs!

Good luck.

I can't offer much help either. I'm in the same boat as all of you are! I'm down to around 160 but I"ve actually caught myself putting in 185 in my journal and then having to change it! I don't see myself as being any thinner at all. I still feel like the fattest girl in the room, even though I'm probably not.
I, like the other ladies here, am planning on changing my goal weight from 140 to 130. It is SO weird to me too. At 200 pounds I just Wished and prayed I could be back at 140 and go to regular stores. I wanted to be at my high school weight and I thought that would make me happy (I was big in high school too...size 14 sometimes 12). Now that I'm in the 150s I don't see much difference (even though my clothes are falling off) in my appearance and I KNOW I'm not going to be happy at 140. It worries me that I won't be happy at 130 either. I think when I reach goal (of 130 now) that I will stop and try to step back for awhile. Maintain for a couple of months and let my mind catch up. Maybe take a few pictures and see what I look like. I've been worried lately (even though I'm not really even close to goal) that I'm not going to know when to quit. I think it's a problem we all face.

I think it's a matter of body image and not really how much we weigh. Like someone else said, no matter how much we weigh, or what we look like, there's always going to be someone we THINK looks better...maybe they do and maybe they don't...it's all our impression of them.
Good luck and know that we are all there with you, even those of us who are only 1/2 way to goal!
Amber

I started a thread a few weeks that was somewhat on this topic ------> http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=63899 . The chicks over on the Maintainer forum had some interesting responses. There's also another thread around here somewhere that's about this.

I'm in the same boat as the rest of you. Except that I'm a 30-something, not a 20-something . I'm really struggling with my body image. I know I'm not "fat" anymore, but I don't feel thin. I can fit into a size 8 Eddie Bauer, but when I look at myself wearing them, I still think my thighs are fat. I think the biggest problem is that I still have that darn poochie stomach. And since I've watched WAY too much TV in my life, I have this "ideal" in my head that my stomach *should be* flat as a pancake. But I'm beginning to suspect that just ain't gonna happen unless I'm like 105 lbs or something -- which would be bad weight for me cuz I'm 5'4".

Funny thing with me is that I lost weight from the top down and the bottom up. Meaning, my face and calves lost fat first...and it's like "thin-ness" is very slowly creeping toward my middle. So I guess there's hope, I just have to keep at it. But I really do wonder if I'll ever truly feel thin. But maybe that's a good thing. Like they say, "Fear is what keeps you alive," so maybe fear of being fat again will keep me...well...not fat .

I can relate ladies, I REALLY can!

I am in total agreement with what everyone else has posted. I've found that when you are overweight and someone says "oh your ideal weight is 140" you immediately think that you will be skin and bones at that weight. So you make a goal of a few pounds over that "ideal". Then as your weight starts creeping closer and closer you feel like hey, I'm not *that* skinny-- I think I can get to that "ideal". And so on and so forth.

Body type is also very important to keep in mind..I know that I will never have thin thighs due to genetics. But just the other day I was complaining to my running pal (who I believe has the best metabolism in the world) and she was saying how great it was for me to have muscular defined legs as opposed to her "chicken legs". Never in a million years would I have looked at it that way!

I guess you've got to just take it one day at a time and hope acceptance comes after a certain point. I know there are some days I can feel like strutting in my bikini and others where I am sure every roll and bulge is showing in a T-shirt. I suggest taking lots of pictures and really looking at them.

Ooo, good observation, Fuller.

A while back, I was training for a long bike ride. When the ride was done, I talked to a friend about changes in my body. I said, "Four months of intensive training, and my legs gained 1/4" inch!"

My friend assumed the wrong reason for my complaint. She said, "Oh, your thighs actually gained," because apparently she thought I wanted to lose inches. But no, I wanted to build muscle. So I wanted more muscular legs, like Liz's friend did. Yet my friend assumed I wanted to be smaller.

I dunno, random perspective.