Good advice (as usual), Mel

. Problem is a chucked all my old "fat" clothes.
Here's a funny/pathetic story that's kind of linked to this topic:
I ordered a pair of size 8 jeans from Eddie Bauer last weekend. Buying clothes that are too small is a big motivator for me. The jeans I ordered are designed to be "looser" in the hips and thighs, which are my problem areas. So the jeans came today...I tried them on...they fit. They're still a bit tight, but I think I could get away with wearing them in public. But instead of dancing around like a banshee because the last time I was able to squeeze myself into a size eight Ronnie Reagan was in office, the jeans were acid-wash with zippers at the ankles, and my bedroom was plastered with Duran Duran posters, my first thought was "There is NO WAY these are size 8 jeans!" I actually said that out loud -- to myself

. I thought (and still think????) maybe they were mislabelled at the factory. I just can't get it through my thick skull that they're an 8. And then, of course, I was like "Yeah, size 8 for people with fat thighs." WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? The whole situation disintegrated to the point where I was like "Well, I STILL look fat! Do I need to be a size 2 to feel thin??"
I really have to work on this issue...I just can't seem to see myself FOR WHAT I ACTUALLY AM. It's just so bizarre.
Editing now to add this: Then AGAIN, when I was 189 lbs I didn't see myself for what I really was. Total denial, even when looking at myself in a full-length mirror. But at that point I was trying *NOT* to see what I really looked like. Now, I stare at myself in the mirror thinking "Okay, you're thinner. You really are. Check it out. Do you see it?" Nope. I don't. Not 100%, at least

. Closer to 35% - 45% MAYBE, but that's on a good day.
Okay, that was more of a rant than anything else. Sorry. And I don't s'pose I need advice so much as I need a lobotomy and/or a whack upside the head with a canoe paddle

.