You have been so generous with your help that I once again am opening up.
My relapse has been fuel by a variety of factors that have tested my coping skills. Last July I was happily coasting along in Maintence land. Then the test began, the first part was marital problems. This issue has been resolved but it was difficult to work through. Intertwined with this crisis, I was in a car accident. That left me with a neck injury that is still unresolved.

The injury resulted in constant pain in my neck, and shoulder area. This caused abandonment of my exercise routine. I am just beginning to rebuild this with adaptation. In truth I should have adapted my routine instead of just dropping it. This resulted in a weight gain.

The issue of forbidden food is one I fell right back into. What has kept me going for so long was accepting and allowing all foods in my life. I didn’t have difficult to deal with food in my weekly diet but I did indulge in them on holidays or special events, with no guilt. I also included easier to deal with substitutes on a regular basis. I fit them into my plan and moved on. This past year I added back the guilt since I was not at that magic number so I didn’t deserve any deviation from a strict plan.
Too much pressure and perfectionist thinking, not the first time I have fell for this one. So the six weeks, of perfect didn’t lead to perfect on the scale now I’ll show it. Next was exercise, very difficult for me to accept my limitation. When I began to add it back I revert to perfectionism walking wasn’t jogging so what the heck.

So thanks for helping me dig deeper. My coping skills have been tested and that’s okay. They will be stronger for the next curve. I am slowly recovering on a daily basis and hope that by sharing I can help myself move forward.

Gina – I’m so glad you came here and posted about your struggles rather than staying away (which we’d all rather do). Funny how we’re so eager to post when things are going well and how we just want to hide when we’re struggling -- but that’s precisely when we need to reach out the most. I worry so about our maintainers who were an active part of our community and then just disappeared …

Look, there's no shame in any of us coming here and saying that we’ve messed up and fallen down and we’re fighting the food devils and that sometimes they’re winning. It’s happened to EVERY ONE of us and will undoubtedly continue for the rest of our lives. Maintenance isn’t easy, folks, and we’re never going to be ‘cured’ of our eating issues. Just when we start to feel complacent about our weight loss, our old habits and issues with food have a nasty tendency to come back and bite us in the butt.

You hit the nail on the head when you talk about how that perfectionist thinking sabotages us. If we can’t be ‘perfect’ -- well then, there’s no point in even trying, right? (too bad none of us is perfect) So many of us professional dieters are all or nothing, black and white, good or bad thinkers!! We’re ON the diet or we’re so far OFF that we can’t even find our way back. The word ‘moderate’ is definitely not part of our natural vocabulary.

It sounds like you’d found a comfortable and effective way to deal with the whole forbidden food issue: Maintenance was going along pretty well for you and then life threw you a couple of curve balls that blew your routine right out of the water. You panicked when your weight snuck by the magic number and you responded by trying to be perfect and hard-line and 100% - exactly what I would do. And it backfired on you, just like it does to me.

I’m a big believer in going back to the Things That Work when I start losing my grip on eating and my weight. ‘Things That Work’ is what I call all the tricks and tools that I used to lose the weight -- things that I know work for me (they might not work for anyone else, but they work for me). I even type up little weekly charts, complete with check-off boxes, and fill them in day by day. Demented though it sounds, it works for me.

What if you go back to the things that worked for you when you were losing and successfully maintaining? Including accepting the so-called forbidden foods back into your eating plan? I really admire how well you had been handling them before – perhaps you need to demystify them and make them non-forbidden again? And maybe that would take away their power over you?

Gina, I know you can get back on track. Maintenance is never going to be a perfectly flat line on the weight chart for any of us. There are going to be lots of zigs and zags and ups and downs. Maintenance is a journey, not a destination. We learn something from every struggle and get stronger from each setback. But the most important thing is that we’re never going to quit. We’re going to keep on going, one foot in front of the other and one day at a time. And we’re going to make it!

Keep posting, Gina, and we’ll help you out however we can. At least you've got a group of kindred spirits here who understand exactly what you're going through.

Thanks for the support & suggestions.
I am baby stepping my way back to stabliity.
I will continue on a "kinder and gentle approach" to reduce the scale number but for now I accept it and acknowledge it. The goal is to stablize my emotional & mental well being.
You are right, we are never cured and relapses happen. Thanks for the hand back on the wagon.

Let's get back on the wagon together Gina, I've been in a slump too in the last 2 weeks. I guess I didn't think my Dad's radiation therapy was getting to me but it all the travelling is, I realised this Friday afternoon when I fell asleep for 2 whole hours on the sofa...It's extremely difficult to plan meals when you are travelling and I am going to have to stop going to the restaurant after the treatment or just eat a salad and a protein...

Meg you said to Gina:

Well I've just changed the name at the start to read "Ilene" and tada it all made sense to me... Thanks for your wonderful post as usual and Gina you are never alone in this struggle, we can do this!

One of the concepts that really helped me was realizing an occasional relapse was part of the process of change. A very good book about permanent change of bad habits (Changing for Good) actually lists 'relapse' as one of the 6 stages of change. Not that one should welcome it with open arms, but if it happens, its not unexpected. This idea has really made my perfectionistic mind much more relaxed. If (and when) I might have another slip, large or small, its not because I am weak or incompetent or havent worked hard enough, whatever, but rather I'm just another fallible human being working on an on-going habit change.

If you have already made significant strides in changeing a bad habit (not solely losing weight), in our case eating, you will rarely go all the way back to square one.

Relapse is not failure, but another learning experience.

Jan

This thread has been a big help to me. As some of you know I maintained very well for about 2-2.5 years, then have had a major relapse. I have absolutely no excuse and have spent way too much time beating myself up about it, time I should have been working to get back to where I want to be. . . I've given up the negative self-talk (mostly) and realize that I am not, and cannot be, perfect. I'm back to rebuilding my good habits, and doing what Meg said, getting back to what worked before. Because it did work, and once it was a habit, it was much, much easier. Thanks.

Hi Guys:
Thanks for your support. It has helped me to share this "rough part of the journey" with people who understand. It was easy to type but hard to post but I am glad that I did. Any relapse is difficult, but it is not failure. I am baby stepping my way back to health with stuff that works. Some of it is hard to do but one step at a time makes it possible.
Step one was posting here, now I can be accountable for what happens next.
Step two is using my food plan, and having one.
Step three is accepting my relapse and committing to recovery from it.
Step four is enjoying my exercise time, focusing on it as a positive event of the day.
Step five is using new measurment tools to monitor my progress, fit of clothes, tape measurement and a monthly scale report.

Hi Gina and all,

While I dont consider myself in relapse mode (though I certainly have been there more than once in the past), one of the things I would like to do is re-assess and re-state my goals in order to get back on track myself. I need something to work towards that is stronger than a number on the scale. I am pretty much maintaining right now which is excellent on one hand, but I am not working on what I need to do to get my weight further reduced. Ive lost 60ish and would guess I still have 20 to 30 pounds to go. Maybe even 40??? The little figure below reflects an intermediate goal.

When I started losing weight afew years ago, I was very afraid for health reasons. I would wake up scared every morning. When a goal is based on something uncomfortable you are going away from, the human tendency is to go only as far as is required for the pain to stop. I did that. Right now I feel very good, am very athletic, at 60yrs can still sprint short distances, love the way I look, love all my new clothes, have normal blood pressure now, bla bla bla, and I am no longer scared, so my main reason for working on wl is much reduced. But I am still overweight, and I want it all. I dont want to die wondering what being thin would really be like.

So like you Gina, I want to restart my wl efforts again. The first thing I am going to do is make some sort of story board about why I want to re-start losing again that includes a long list of goals going towards something good instead of away from something bad. As well as a specific plan for eating/food -- at least as specific a plan as I am able to do with my non-dieting way of eating. That would be a good start to help me break this all too comfortable stale-mate.

Jan

This thread has really spoken to me this week and I'm so grateful people are sharing their thoughts. I have recently regained a few pounds and am trying to deal with it quickly. The once-loose pants are tight again, and I'm disappointed.

I definitely am back in the "Things That Work" mode, since I know I lost this weight successfully (and not all that long ago, so these habits shouldn't be hard to access). In my case, cutting the salty snacks/food is going to be key. They trigger overeating, not binges, but not stopping when full. I also went to kick-boxing class last night for the 1st time in almost a year. It was wonderful! I know that mixing up my workouts will help me stay motivated.

Meg and Mel, I am thinking about hiring a trainer for a few sessions. What is the best way to maximize my time with her? Go in with set things I want to know (i.e., good stability exercises on the ball, new free weight exercises for chest). How far apart should sessions be? Every 2 weeks? If I get a package of 5 sessions, the rate at my YMCA is somewhat cheaper than a per session fee. The trainers seem good--I have seen them in the weight room with other clients. ANd what about Pilates?

Hi Gang:
Update: I continue to move foreward on the path so that's a positive step. Right now I am approaching a "milestone" three weeks and no binges. Some treats and some off days but no binge behavior. I am off the scale, however, as this is a binge trigger for me. So I imagine a reasonable 1 pound weight loss every week. Funny even if the "scale" said more it won't be enough but the 1 in my mind is. I am continuing my exercise adaptions and have add some joy back into the workouts. I did purchase The Thin books and am learning some new ways of approaching my eating issues.
My coping skills have been retuned and I am practicing some tricks I had forgotten.
Right now I am working on treating me like I treat everyone else, very nice!!!!!

Thanks again for the hugs, support and sharing.

I had read a nice saying once: ''Treat yourself like your own best friend''

Would we go around telling our best friend ''boy what a fat *** you have today'' ''you look fat today'' I think NOT... We treat our friends with a positive attitude, so why not do the same for ourselves...

Hang in there

Hi Gina, Hi other maintainers,

WOW I can certainly identify with a lot of issues on this thread.
Thank you, Gina, for putting it on.
Like Meg and Ilene and Pat and Jan I also am on this trip of continuous ups and downs; as you know I have a habit of falling into deep black holes and then crawling out again. Luckily I find that with the support of the group and simply because I have been there so often in the past year, I am getting some practice in climbing out of the hole. I can now picture in my mind a rabbit underground frantically searching for the way out and emerging above ground again.

Gina, please know that you are not alone in this, and that we are here to help you.
Here is my 2 cents of tricks that are helpfull to me.

What helped me a lot was reading some books on cognitive behaviour therapy, mainly the oned of David Burns, like "feeling good". The book deals with identifying and dealing with thoughts that you have (like "I have to be perfect") that trap you because you fail to accomplish the impossible, the think "all is lost so I might as wel..". It has a list of 10 common thinking errors (one of which is "all or nothing thinking", like you and meg mentioned in your posts), and I find it helpfull if I have a depressed period to go back, try to find the negative thought, and try to find the thinking error.

Also I have "homework" from my therapist which I find helpfull (though difficult as well )
- Not to worry over someone elses problem, but to let them solve it for themselves
- Not to worry over problems where I have no influence whatsoever over the outcome
- Not to make problems bigger then the really are

And I am trying to fit in some meditation time.

Finally Gina, I think it is great you have made a plan. But don't worry if your plan A does not work. I don't know if you know the dr Seuss book of "the cat in the hat comes back "?? I has this great picture of cat B coming out of the hat when cat A fails. And then cat C comes out etc etc ad infinitum. That is the way I think when my plan A fails, which it is in the habit of doing. There is always a new cat with a plan in the hat. maybe i'll have to scan and print that picture, so I can hang it on the wall and bbe reminded of this more often myself.

And to quote Pat: I'll help push you out of the hole, then you reach in and pull me out...

rabbit

UPDATE:

Since I have been posting regularly you problably already know that I am on track.
I have been on thre recovery road for about two month's now. Things are going good.
What's working for me?
1: Zippers instead of the scale. Since the scale is a trigger for me I am using zipper on my clothes to monitor my progress. Good news is I can now zipper those zippers.
2: Forbidden foods are in my plan. I am incorporating some controllable foods in my menu to help avoid the need for a binge. Not all my forbidden foods, but progress not perfection.
3: Exercise flexiblity. Allowing some flexiblity into my routine so that it is fun. I also cut down from a 6 days a week target to 5. Funny thing is most weeks I get the 6th day in with alot less stress.
4: Vacation moderation. I have adaped my eating plan for my vacations to a moderate level. I added some food and subtracted some formal exercise and enjoyed.
This has been a major relapse inginiter. So I am happy and proud that I was able to accomplish this.

I still can tell by the zippers that I have some ways to go.
But I'm in there.

Congratulations, Gina. It sounds like you've made the transition from being a dieter, to having a lifestyle. It all sounds good...changes that you can live with longterm.


Thanks for the update

Mel

So glad you are doing well with the transition Gina !! Flexibility is key and so is the mind set that it's a LIFESTYLE!!