Hello,

It's hard to think about how I got here, at this weight. I get very upset and filled with regret because it has held me back from doing so much.

I'm now 23 (just turned in March) and can not fatham being 100lbs overweight for another year of my life.

It is so frightening, so embarassing, so upsetting. I don't know what to do with myself - I'm so miserable yet still can't get motivated, get find the energy to get myself into shape.

Please, please, how the heck do I get started on such a big task? How in the world do I find (and keep) motivation?

A big problem is that I don't SEE it happening. I can not believe that I can do it. I feel almost as if my body won't allow it or that it just can't happen. I think to myself that it's impossible, that it will happen to slow or not at all.

Thank you so much.

PS- I don't have any extra money to spend. I need to lose weight for free (on my own). But how!?

Last time I checked you don't need money to lose weight so don't worry about that. I count calories and watch my fat intake. If I were you I would set small goals. Try losing 10 lbs and then try another 10 ect... Don't look at the big picture. As far as it coming off slow. It probably will. Its a long process. But even if you only lose 1 lb a week that's 52 lbs in a year and within two years you will be at your goal.

You can do it just get started and get determined. Getting started is the hardest part of losing weight. So once you get that over with your half way there.

try your darndest not to think of the big picture. Every time I do that, I have to FORCE my mind to concentrate on the here and now. Cut calorie and fat intake, and go for walks every day. DO NOT look at the scale! That makes it soooo hard. What I do, is keep trying on clothes, and see how lose they have gotten. My motivation just came to me one day. I was sick and tired of being overweight. I forced myself to the gym, along with the skinnies, lol, and just started. The next day, I went back, etc. I would not allow myself excuses to not go. Once I overcame the initial 'starting' phase, I am in a routine, and feel so proud of myself. I still have a ways to go, but I am encouraged by the results of simply cutting calories and fat, and getting off my butt. You can do it!!!

Amberoo, every one of us here understands your struggle and your fears. Howie's right about setting really small goals. You can do this, if you're ready to. Sounds like you're reaching the point all must - getting so sick of where you are, you know it's time for change.

Now, practically speaking: What are your favorite foods? Do you enjoy cooking?

I agree with the other Kimberley. You must be ready to do this and reach that point. Having been "dieting halfheartedly for years" myself I know it doesn't work unless you really want it. Just take small baby steps to get ya moving in the right direction. Go for a 10 minute walk, switch a snack to a fruit or vegetable instead of junk food, drink water instead of a soda, etc. Good luck and check back here often, there are lots of sources of inspiration on this board.

Amberoo, You can do this! I completely understand not having the money to do a "diet" plan. But I have to agree with others and say that it doens't have to cost more money to lose weight. My husband and I have been trying to lose weight... well... forever and we finally realized that all that pre-processed food cost us as much or more than we spend now on healthy whole foods. I know that sounds like it couldn't be true but think about it this way... A meal in a box can cost upwards of five bucks. My husband and I could eat that in one meal and it should have fed 5 people. Now I buy the fixins for a low fat low calorie high fiber meal for 5 dollars and there was no difference in the food budget. The key is your portion sizes. Also, excersize is FREE FREE FREE I don't care what those advertisements for all those gyms say, not that there is anything wrong with going to the gym they can be very very helpful, You can get in shape and feel better about yourself without going to the gym. You can walk, clean the house while dancing around, heck turn on the music and dance around like crazy for half an hour, use the laundry detergent bottles as weights, play at the park with your kids, anything can be excersize it all in the amount of effort you put into it. My biggest hurdle was getting of the couch and actually doing something. Now, I don't let myself sit down until I have done some form of excersize, made dinner and cleaned up. I know it's tough when you have to work, I work 40-60 hours a week but now, I don't think I could end my day with out my nightly walk. Most of all you have to understand it's not easy, it's not always fun, it's not always going to come off when you want it to but it will happen it will eventually HAVE to come off if you stick with it. This is a journey and sometimes it is very hard to deal with, my best move was finding this place and these wonderful understanding, very supportive friends. You can do this! I know you can!

I know from experience it can feel overwhelming sometimes. Hang in there! Sometimes just changing a small habit can make a big difference -- cutting out coke for instance. And changing the small habits one at a time adds up. Start out cutting out something, then add a walk every other day, then a walk every day. Whatever fits your life.

I know concentrating on the small steps, like others here have said, has worked for me. I only have to not eat that piece of chocolate today. I only have to get out and do that walk today. It's a project that takes time and effort. I'm sure you *can* do it. Even if you have doubts, and who doesn't from time to time, just stick to it and I guarentee you that you'll have success. For me it's an up and down battle, but sticking to it I'm managed to see my weight go down over time.

I was overweight all my life. At your age I was probably 100 pounds overweight, too. Despite some temporary drops, over time I gained more and more until at 39 I was double the weight I should be. Now, 3-1/2 years later, I'm within about 15 pounds of my final goal, the least I've weighed since about the 4th grade. Trust me, I know all about the embarrassment, the misery, the despair. I've spent large portions of my life right there, and before I started my current program I was so mortified I could barely move. But, I was determined to live the last half of my life as a normal person. Face it, I was determined to HAVE a last half of my life instead of dying young.

I won't lie and tell you this is easy, or fast. But, it is so worth it I cannot even begin to tell you the benefits you will reap. And, once you make up your mind to do it, it's like there's no holding you back. Sometimes you start the process and trudge along before that mindset really clicks in. It WILL, though, if you encourage it and nurture it. If you take every step of the way grudgingly, mourning your old food habits and the protection food and a fat body gave you, then you won't make it. But, if you take one day at a time and focus on the positive, then before long you'll find that this is just an integral part of your life, challenges and all.

The first thing I would recommend is going to the library and checking out the book Thin for Life. This is not a diet book but has a series of "lessons" learned from people who have lost a significant amount of weight and taken it off. In fact, the maintainers' group here on 3FC has a discussion group going about this book in their library section. This book will help you start to think about this process and maintenance in a positive way, offer practical advice, and also give you some very good "success stories" and role models. Also, if you think you may be a compulsive overeater, I highly recommend the book called The Thin Books. It was a real eye-opener for me about how my thought patterns and impulses were behind my overeating.

Second, start reading the maintainers' forum here, expecially the "stickies." There is a wealth of information there about what losing & maintaining are all about.

Third, you HAVE to start talking to yourself in a positive way, EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT RIGHT NOW. Here's the thing -- You believe what you hear if you hear it often enough. Your post is filled with negative self-talk: Self-hatred, believing that you can't lose, setting up impossible goals (you not only want to lose, but you want to lose quickly), etc. One of the things that Thin for Life talks about is positive self-talk. Even if you don't think it's true, STOP telling yourself you can't and START telling yourself you can. If it helps, don't think about losing 100 pounds, think about losing 10 pounds as the others suggested. I haven't lost 165 pounds -- I lost 10 pounds, then 15 more, then I got to 299, then to 280, etc. Set whatever goal you think is doable, and keep telling yourself it's doable. Then, when you reach it, you will feel validated and a wee bit more confident, and you can let that feeling of success fuel your next goal.

The other thing I want to mention is that it really helped me to stop thinking about "dieting" and "losing weight" and start thinking about permanent lifestyle changes. I realized that whatever I did would have to be something I could live with the rest of my days. I had to think of my obesity as a disease that had to be managed. I wanted to turn around my eating habits not just to lose weight but to have a healthier body. I wanted to change my use of food as a drug for the sake of my overall mental health, not just to lose weight. I wanted to be more active because being active is GOOD for me, not just to burn more calories. It's not about doing things you loathe to become slim -- it's about developing a healthier mindset which allows you to enjoy healthy food and activity, the BYPRODUCT of which is a thinner body.

I know you are scared and apprehensive and you feel trapped. Trapped by the fat, imprisoned by desire for food, and paralyzed by the idea of the amount of work and mental effort this is going to take. As you've seen, that's perfectly normal. After all, in a way you will be turning your life upside down in order to get where you want to go, and sometimes that seems too daunting. You'll be stepping outside of your comfort zone daily, hourly. Then, if you do get there, then what? What will life as a thin person be? What if it doesn't solve all my problems? Etc. Yes it's all very scary. But, it's also a grand adventure. Always remember that if you're being pushed out of your comfort zone -- by going for a walk, or turning down dessert, or finding some other way to cope with emotion besides a drive-through -- you're building a better, stronger you. You're building a person who is not only healthy physically, but mentally. Your body will start to thrive rather than exist. It will become more than just a shell to carry your brain around, it will become a source of enjoyment all on its own. You'll start to live as a full person again, rather than a person trapped inside a protective, alienating coating of fat.

You can do this, I know you can. I am very proud of you for trying to come to terms with this so early in life, and for coming here for help. Just try to remember, one pound at a time, one day at a time, one bite at a time. You won't be perfect, you'll make plenty of mistakes. That's OK. As long as you keep that long-term view and keep putting one foot in front of the other, you'll get there. How long it takes doesn't matter, because you're going to be walking this path the rest of your life.


P.S. If you are looking for information on how to build a good eating program, I recommend www.fitday.com. Setting up an account is free. It is primarily a web site where you can log your food and activity, but they have lots of good information on healthy eating that you can read and apply.

I'm generally a shy person but have been feeling sooo incredibly down and desperate that I forced myself to post on this bored last night. I felt very embarrassed, and that nobody would reply, but now I'm so glad I did.

I'm really so thrilled that you all have responded to me. You have such kind hearts.

Now... I'm naturally a pessimist. I haven't been able to change that yet. Even before my weight problem, I always saw the glass half empty. Suffering from depression and anxiety certainly doesn't help. I just can't see myself being thin, in my mind, it's impossible. The fat won't come off. I'll always be round and flabby and uncomfortable. My thighs will always rub together. My arms will always flap in the wind. My face will always be a boneless circle.

I do believe I am a compulsive overeater. Not only do I love bad-for-you foods and mindlessly eat them, but I feed my emotions. If I'm sad, I'll eat, bored, eat, happy, eat!

I don't love to cook, but I love to eat. I love to order out and I love to snack. I look forward to eating way too much, and I put way too much thought into what I'll be eating next, and next, etc. I hate the feeling of being hungry, it almost panics me.

Strange as it sounds, I love veggies, whole grains and healthy foods (I was a vegetarian several years ago) I just don't like to prepare them. And they are usually more expensive so I use that as an excuse. I'm a lazy eater, like things prepared for me already, therefore, I buy a lot of processed, pre-packaged junk. Laziness is a big part of my problem.

I don't eat potato chips or candy bars very often (though I am a chocoholic and crave salt). I binge more on foods like cheeses and breads and cakes and ice cream. I never used to eat sooo much pizza and sandwiches, used to be a salad and chicken breast girl but now when I eat those foods they are loaded with junk and battered and fried, etc.

I have been thinking hard about my habits, I've come up with what I feel are the main problems and factors that got me, and keep me here:

Soda - I never used to drink it, growing up I never had it. Once drank only water and tea. I met my hubby, that's practically all he drank, I now am addicted to regular coke.

How often I eat - I am hungry an hour or two after I eat. At night it's especially out of control, sometimes I go on an all nighter binge then go to sleep.

Marriage - Not an excuse or problem, just a factor. I was a different person before I got married. I ate heathier, I drank better liquids, I moved more. Now being married for 3 1/2 yrs I've gained 60lbs! Gasp! I now eat foods that I never ate before (lots of Italian cuisine), I never exercise and I snack all the time. It's very difficult to exercise and diet when you are married to someone who can eat whatever they like and don't need to lose weight.

Lack of Exercise - I never move around. I'm tired and achey all the time. I don't feel 23, I feel 73. I never get out into the world and walk because I've become fearful of leaving the house (I only go out when needed, to work or get food). I'm terribly unmotivated. I'm exhausted and stiff. I do have a treadmill but it bores the **** out of me. I must learn to force myself on it.

Metabolism - It's nonexistent, practically. A love of food and very slow metabolism runs in my family. Almost everyone is obese. The only reason why I wasn't a fat child is because I played so many sports, I was always burning the cals I took in.

Negative Mindset – I hate myself. It's hard to get motivated and stay encouraged to lose weight when you despise everything about yourself. Not only that, I don't see it happening. I can't envision losing weight. I feel it's impossible mentally and physically. I worry that it just won't come off or if it does, that I'll have sagging skin all over. I think the worst and don't allow myself to even try to succeed. I know this is a big problem and I must get over it to get anywhere.

Wow. OK, well, that was a lot of looking inwards and admitting embarassing habits. I've gotta do it though, right? I must be honest.

Now, where do I go from here??

Hi and welcome. Sometimes the hardest step to take is the one where we admit we have a problem and ask someone else for help. Here is a great diet I've heard people use http://www.changeone.com/. You should be able to check out the book from your library. Also, I saw your laundry list up there and I think any sane person seeing it would be overwhelmed. Why not take one of those "problems" and work on it. Don't worry about how much weight you have to lose, etc. Let's cut out pop/soda this week or start walking for 5 minutes. Some people think they need to be doing 30-60 minutes of exercise a day starting out. If you aren't doing any now, then 5 minutes is great. The next day try 6 or even 7. Work your way up.

Funniegrrl - Wow! That was very powerful! A co worker of mine is having WLS soon and her shrink told her to read Thin for Life... She said it's very good at solving the mindset of weightloss. I'm hoping to borrow it from her this weekend!

Amberoo - We are all so proud that you are able to ask for help! The Fabulous people here are always willing to share knowledge of offer words of encouragement. I had the same hunger problem that you do now; hungry only a couple hours after you eat. Most of that comes from pre-packaged or pre-prepaired foods. I try to make a real meal every night with enough for my lunch the next day. I also bring enough healthy snacks (fruit, veges, dry cereal) along with me to work so I don't even have the thought of raiding the vending machine for crap. It helps me to write down what I eat so I'm accountable for it. I sure as **** don't ever want to write down that I ate a Big Mac and a half a bag of Dorito's!!! (It's happened... years ago). In January of this year I decided to do the weight loss thing again. This time, it's different for me. I don't want the same things to eat of even have it in the house anymore. I've been on a low fat lifestyle for 3 months now and during that time I've managed to brainwash myself into believing that if I were to eat a potato chip or a dorito that I would most likely barf. I was a huge salty snack freak, (no pun intended on the huge part ) and I am not a big fan of getting sick, but this is my way of getting away from that addiction. I hope you are able to have your husband help you steer away from the pitfalls (keeping Coke out of the home) and maybe you could have him go for walks with you? I wish you the best of luck at finding the beautiful and fabolous person inside!

babygirl43, you're right, it is very overwhelming looking back on what I wrote.
I've gotta take it slowly and tackle one "problem" at a time. And thank you for the link.

treefrogtoes, thank you for the encouragement and tips. I know we must keep coke out of the house! Gosh, how many times have I tried that!? It lasted one day... and my hub is so sweet, if I ask him, he'll bring some home for me. I know that isn't a good thing. We gotta take a stand and just NOT allow it, no two ways about it. Act like it's poison, I suppose.

Thank you for all the support, everyone is so lovely here.

Okay, maybe start out with this rule: I can have a can of Coke, but FIRST I have to drink 20oz of water and wait 15 minutes. Period.

That's a good one. And the idea is to not want/need it after gulping down the water and waiting, right?

Hmmm. I wonder if that'll work on me. Worth a try, right? OK. There's coke in the house right now, only 3 cans left. I've been thinking, should I get more this weekend (of course I shouldn't but I really do feel addicted to it) or should I try to go off cold turkey?

Welcome, Amberoo! I'm *right there* with you on many of your worries.... I'm 17 and have been "half heartedly dieting" since I was 12. I have about 80lbs. to lose myself, but I'm trying not to think of it like that because.... 80lbs. 100lbs. ****, 30lbs. even is DAUNTING. I'm concentrating more on "today." As in "today, I will pretend I am 'Skinny Apryl'" And it has been working the last week or so.

You should join the "April Points Challenge" to keep on track. The best mod in the entire forum runs it and it's fun to compete.

Here's what I'd do with the coke. Buy, let's say, 12 cans. (Never bottles because there is 20oz in there and you feel obligated to drink the whole thing!) Have one can for "dessert" until you can kick the habit completely. Or let's say, 1 can with dinner. Or something. You really don't need the soda though, that's 140calories per can that provides you with absolutely nothing. Think on it!

Good luck.