Good point about the cans - yes! Better yet, if you buy them, get the little half-cans they sell now. My MIL gets those because she never wants an entire can at once.

Hi Amberoo,
All of these gals here understand what you are going through. The fact that you made this first step on venting your concerns, is AWESOME. I used to be a negative thinker also, and it's soooo tough! You can slowly train yourself to think more positively, but, as with anything else, it takes dedication and time. The depression and anxiety thing, boyohboy, can I relate. I've had the worst panic attacks, the **** on earth kind, along with depression on and off all my life. Luckily, my doctor made me start zoloft a few years back, and that coupled with therapy and behavior modification has changed my life immensly. You can do it, it is in you. But, it won't be easy. It won't be impossible either, and that is what counts. You are so young, If I had started to take care of myself mentally and physically at 23, I'd have longer time to enjoy myself! (I just turned 38). I like the idea of the small cans of coke, and the drinking the water then waiting. I know it sounds hard, but trust me, once you do it ONCE, you will be sooo proud of yourself, and you'll realize it's doable!!! Since you are hesitant to leave your home, maybe you can do it little by little. do something in your front yard for an hour , next day walk to the end of your street and back, next day a little farther. there is a beginning for everything! And again, don't look at the big picture. Anything in "the big picture" will be overwhelming! It's like, hmmm, raising children. If I'd seen the big picture of dirty diapers, booboos and homework, whining, etc...i'd of been so intimidated ! But day by day, it's all in a days work of having kids and enjoying them. When you work out, or try to change your eating habits and your way of thinking, it's a day by day process. Enjoy the effort you give yourself daily to make you healthy.
It's in there girl!!
be well,
Paloma

Hello Amberoo, I am so glad you found this group of fabulous people!!!! I so echo the one habit at a time approach. Don't worry too much about the scales either, you didn't gain 60lbs over night and you won't lose it over night either.

Stay positive and keep smiling. You are doing this for you, don't panic, don't get desperate. I would strongly recommend Dr Phil's key to weight loss book (can't recall the exact title) I don't agree with everything he says, but it's a pretty sensible approach, and might help you with some of the emotional and automatic reasons you eat rather than doing something else.

I used to suffer from anxiety and depression, and get the occasional relapses now and then. I do find the exercise helps a lot with managing my mood swings. And eating good food and avoiding excess sugar helps as well.

My biggest message to you is to stay positive, don't disappear into self-loathing. Concentrate on the positive things in your life and make them more positive!!! And we're all here to cheer you on and help you when it gets tough.

Hi Amberoo,

Reading your post reminded me so much of me - the depression, the feeling that you can't lose weight and are somehow 'terminally fat', lethargy, liking healthy foods but ordering take out because you can't be bothered to prepare and cook a meal - you are just like me!

The good news is that I have broken out of these traps and am now eating healthily and exercising 6 days out of 7 - so you can do it too!

Firstly, if you are not already doing it, you need to address your depression - either with counselling or a good anti depressant. When you are very depressed it is so hard to take action on anything - you know you are fat and unhappy, but feeling no motivation to do anything about it makes you more fat and unhappy! I refused anti depressants for years, but when I eventualy gave in they gave me the boost I needed to attempt to break out of my rut and make some positive changes in my lifestyle.

I agree that small steps are the way to go - my first step was to say to myself 'you can eat anything you want this week as long as you don't order take out'. This helped me to get into the habit (and discipline) of preparing meals, and over time it got easier and easier to prepare healthy low fat food. At one point, I was ordering take out pizza 4 or 5 times a week - now I have them about once a month, which is manageable.

Also, introducing some exercise will really boost your mood. Believe me, I know how hard it is to start exercising when your body and mind have absolutely no energy - but this is a rut that you need to break out of and the more you move the more enrgy you will have. You will just have to force yourself to do it to begin with, but I bet you you will feel better for it and will soon look forward to your exercise sessions.

I agree wholeheartedly with funniegrrl when she says you need to start talking to yourself more positively - stop beating yourself up every day, it is very emotionally draining and saps your energy! Start to be more kind and gentle to yourself - speak to yourself as you would a little child.This takes practice, but gets esier as time goes on. I understand 100% that you don't believe that you are able to lose 100+lb, I feel exactly the same most of the time! But I tell myself daily that I AM going to succeed - there are people on this forum who have lost 50lb, 100lb, 150lb and 180lb!! They all started out just like you and me - and seeing their success makes me KNOW that it is possible! Check out the maintainers forum and the Success forum for inspiration.

Never be afraid to ask for help here, that's why we are all here - to help eachother!

Good Luck and stick around!

Love Amanda x

Hi I am new here. I turned 21 in Dec and am looking for some support. If your interested in being a buddy let me know I use slim fast but you can count your calorie and fat intake each day I aim for 1500 calories a day. Drink lots of water it helps! Good luck!

Wow...there is some good stuff on this thread. Funniegirl...your post in particular was very motivational. I have been very half assed at my weight loss attempts as of late. Your post is giving me a new kick start.

A month ago, I went to my doc for an annual exam and made a comment about my weight gain. She said everyone gains weight in their first year of marraige....it's normal. I have gained 30 pounds...which seems unbelievable when I type that, but I have. I think her comment gave me yet another excuse to not monitor my intake as carefully...or skip a week of workouts. I know I need to stop making excuses and get serious about this!!

Amber:

I have 103 pounds until my goal weight, I just started last week. I understand your feelings of panic and hopelessness. Have you ever spoken to anyone about how you feel? The way I was able to take hold of my life was to stop beating myself up. Stop delaying the good things in life "until you lose weight". I have suffered from depression in the past, and it was difficult to get to the point where I felt I deserved to be healthy and happy no matter what weight I am. I ate my feelings to feel better and hated myself for the way I looked. It's a vicious cyle. Maybe you're not as lazy as you think? Maybe you are in the midst of a depression? There is help out there Amber. Stay strong and believe that you are a good person.

The day you really believe you deserve good things, is the day your life will change.

Take it from someone who has been there.

You've got some great advice here. I was a very compulsive overeater. You might want to take a look at
http://www.overcomingovereating.com/
That helped me. I think Doc Phil's book is a good resource too, as an outline and a guide on how to approach the overall weight loss game, which can be overwhelming, since there are so many factors that can be involved.

I think it's great that you wrote out where you are and what you want to deal with. It will help you to create a plan.

good luck and be sure to keep posting no matter what happens. I guarantee that you'll find people who can relate to what you're going through and will be able to commiserate and give support.

funniegirl, your post was amazing. Wish we could sticky that to go back to.

Hey, Amberoo -- where are you? Haven't heard from you in a few days - just checking in. How goes it?

Hi Gardenwife, everybody...

Thank you for checking in, Gardenwife. Thank you for all the comments, you wonderful people you!

dargonwoman64, you're right, I have been given great advice on this board, even in this thread alone. I'm amazed at how caring and smart you all are.

I printed out what funniegrrl wrote after I had read it 5 times... I realized I need to have it with me... What a post.

"The day you really believe you deserve good things, is the day your life will change." That is lovely, thank you. I hope that day comes soon. I need positive change and direction sooo badly.

I often feel silly, ya know? Like I should be able to just SLAP myself and SNAP out of this, out of depression, out of fatness, out of this miserable cycle I've been stuck in. I should be able to turn my life around and DO what I want, stop thinking about it all the time and actually move my short chubby legs towards my goals. I'm not helpless (though I certainly feel like it). I am a capable person. I physically CAN lose weight!

Amanda Panda, thank you for your input. It really helps knowing someone else understand just what I'm going through. It's hard to believe, 'cos I always feel like I'm such a weirdo, like I'm nuts, but it's reassuring, it's calming, to hear other's stories. I feel slightly more "normal" in my ways.

togger, did you feel the 30lbs coming on or did it seem like they appeared out of nowhere? Though I'm usually aware of how badly I treat myself, the actually fat on my body just seemed to appear one day. I knew I wasn't eating right for a long time, but it didn't sink in just how big I had gotten, even when looking in the mirror, until recently. It was like I was fat blind. I felt it but was in such denial and depression that it didn't really register. Now that it has, I'm overwhelmed by it.

Thank you EVERYONE for your replies. Gosh, they mean so much. Whenever I come on here, I reread them all again. I think that's an important thing for me to do.

I've struggled most of my life, and finally gave up on myself. It brought my health to a dangerous place. I am only now getting back on track. Think about everything you eat when you eat it. Ask yourself, "Do I need this physically or emotionally?" If emotionally, don't eat it. Get yourself away from it. It injures you just as much as if it burned or cut you. Give yourself a cup of herbal tea or a warm bubblebath, or just get out of the house and walk.
Even the simple, fresh air will comfort you when you allow yourself to feel joy that you took control, even if for just one minute that it took to choose to feel good about yourself and walk away from that temptation
.
Consider a log ($1 for a spiral notebook?). When things are slow and you would be sitting around tempted to snack, write yourself a pat on the back (as simple as, "I made healthy choices this hour!") for getting through even each hour with healthy choices. As you see yourself accumulating hours, recognize that you CAN accumulate healthy days, then weeks.... Literally give yourself a star on your calendar for each day you made mostly healthy choices. As you build your confidence that you can do it, you WILL do it.

Make a choice of how you want to eat, considering if you can reasonably stick with it. For instance, I can't do Atkins, as I feel bloated and worse when I eat red meat. So I am on a low fat diet, almost entirely vegan, except that I have 1/2 cup skim milk with breakfast.

Choose an activity that you would love to develop and do that during those times when you would otherwise be snacking, overeating, or just sitting too much. For instance, if you love art, draw, or go to the library and get books to study the masters. If you are involved with something you can love, you'll feel less need to hurt yourself with inappropriate food choices. If you love to sew, make a quilt. It will keep your hands busy, your mind distracted, and enhance your self-esteem by your accomplishment. Allow yourself to be happy.

You've got to move. Walking is a great place to start an exercise plan as it requires nothing special, yet it is enough to improve your heart and metabolism, as well as burn off excess.

Drinking the water allows our bodies to detox more easily.

Know that we are here for you and that being in your shoes ourselves, we care about you.

Thank you, Sea. Thursday I didn't do so good. I kinda went crazy on some baked goods. But though I was feeling totally hopeless, I forced myself on the treadmill to try and burn some of those stupid empty cals I put into my body. I was on for 30 minutes straight! Eh, not very impressive but I tell ya, with my impatience and hate for exercise, it felt like I was on for 300 minutes.

I probably should use a log. The thought does overwhelm me a bit, to have to write down everything I feel and eat when I feel and eat it... Not to forget anything, really examine myself, to be honest. I can't hide a pack of muffins from myself, ya know?

Looking in the mirror this morning, I felt very disgusting. I allowed myself to really SEE my body for what it is, to try to shock me into getting going quicker. Took a while, I've been in denial for so long. I started to panic of course, then cry, then panic again. Feelings of dread consumed me... It's been warm, lovely spring weather the past few days but for someone like me, it can't be enjoyed.

I noticed how my arms never looked so bad, my legs were never so lumpy and close together, from the knee up. I want to ask, will losing weight make them less "tight"? They get so sore when I walk for a long period of time (which is an hour for me). Have I ruined my body?? Will my arms eventually go down as I lose weight and not be so damn tight in t-shirt sleeves? When I buy shirts that are actually my size, with looser sleeves, I look pregnant! They are oddly shapped, really long in the torso and long scooped neck, looks weird on my body.

Will dropping 10, 20, 30, 50 lbs help my body transform back to a more youthful shape? Will I feel my age for once? What I mean is, will I be so lumpy and soft and slow? Will I actually have energy throughout the day? Can the flab go away, or will it hang around? My mother says I am stupid for worrying about all this, that I'm trying to find an excuse not to do it - and that I'm way too young and haven't been this fat nearly as long enough as it would take to do damage like that where I'd have to get flab removed.
But why do I worry about that so much? I do have a large belly, that's my worst spot. I have stretch marks, but who doesn't right? I mean, even thin ppl have them? I dunno. And my butt and upper thighs. Ugh. So thick and lumpy. I know my face will go back to "normal" but what about my bod?

What if I look and feel worse than I do now?

I think I'm starting to get upset again. This is such an emotional rollercoaster for me.

Why why why do I do this to myself? Why can't I just stop the bad thoughts, and MOVE by body and SHUT my mouth?

amberoo, you are so much like me its unbelieveable! I am 21 in a few days, and at 230, utterly disgusted with myself. Ive tried to lose weight before but just cant seem to get it off. Ive just started the southbeach diet...i did join online, but now that i bought the book(20.00) I feel I dont need the online version,and this site is free, so here is all the encouragement and help that I need! Im really hoping I Can finally lose the weight also. Im embarrassed when people ask me my weight, People tellm e I look likke im about 180...but still thats a lot also...
I am also a shy person, however after 2 children am becoming less shy about certain things. If you would like a weight loss buddy, Id be happy to be yours, you can email me at [email protected]
Katie

Honey, I can guarantee you will not feel worse. It's worth every trial and denial to get healthy. Make that your focus. I know the world tells us we women have to fit an ideal body type, but c'mon, look at how that type has changed through the decades. Look at how women are pressured here into unrealistic and unhealthy ideals.

Don't expect instant results - that just plain doesn't happen. We didn't become obese overnight, and we can't lose the extra pounds overnight, either. Give yourself grace, push on, and keep telling yourself this: I AM WORTH IT. Because you ARE.

Hey Amberoo, I have suffered with anxiety, and panic attacks for the last 3-4 years. It got to the point where I was having a panic attack from the time I woke up, until I got to work, and then the whole way home. Which totalled about 5 hours a day, I was exhausted, moody, and would cry more than I ever thought I could. I don't believe in taking drugs for them, I did once, and it made me into a zombie. So I've learnt to get to an almost meditative zone when I'm having to do scary things. I have a great book, "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook". I would definitely give it a try if you can get your hands on it, my mom gave it to me luckily. I wish you the best of luck, it's a very tough thing to deal with. Keep at 'er!

-Aimee