I was thinking... and yes, smoke is coming out of my ears.

If someone you love is overweight and it may be affecting their health or overall well being, do you say something? What if it is you, would you want someone to say something? Has anyone ever said anything to you? Would saying something really help or is it really something everyone needs to figure out on their own?

I really feel that it is something everyone needs to figure out on their own. But, as an overweight preteen and then teen, sometimes I wonder why my mom never said anything to me. I mean, I didn't really understand the concept of calories until I was in high school (seriously). Since most of you know about my mom, I am guessing it is because she didn't want any of her food issues to rub off on me. Though, even my friends would tell me I WASNT fat, even though I was.

This is just kind of a theoretical question and I was wondering what all of your thoughts is on this topic.

I'm just barely a 20-something, but this is such a good question! I feel that it's always better to use your ears before your mouth. Listen to the person. Do they voice concerns about their weight? Are they sensitive about it? Are they happy with themselves?

It's really a very individual thing. My parents talked to me about my weight a lot, but they never listened to me enough to know how insecure I was. The way they spoke to me actually made it worse.

Interesting question, Megan! I've been struggling with how to tell a friend of mine that I'm worried about her health (She is at least 100 pounds overweight). I'm just not sure how/if to bring it up. If we go out to eat, I am always trying to make healthy choices, hoping that possibly I might be a good influence, but she always orders lots of fried foods, dessert, etc. I try to make comments about what I'm doing to watch my weight and exercise, without being preachy, but I just don't feel like it's making an impact.

She knows she's overweight, but her being overweight by 100 pounds does not bother her near as much as being 25 pounds overweight bothers me. I feel she's accepted that she's fat, and she really just doesn't put a lot of effort into losing weight.

I really am worried about her well-being. I really want her to live a full, healthy life. I feel like I should tell her because we're talking about a life and death situation, really. But, weight is such a sensitive topic. Ack. Any suggestions?

Hmm this is a hard one. I know from personal experiences, (but then not everyone is as contrary as me) that having a parent who went on about my weight all the time (and has a VERY selective memory about what she did and didn't say) and was always telling me, even when I was underweight for my height (oh those were the days) not to eat fatty foods or too much sugar and that i should do some exercise that I kind of got to puberty and thought I WAS getting fat when it was my body changing and I felt so overwhelmed and when I did exercise, I didn't really notice much difference (cos I was still actually underweight! DUH).. so I kind of gave up and then it really got to me and I figured, well I should be fat and then I can blame the criticism about my figure on that and not on stuff I can't change.. yeah there were a whole lot of self esteem issues in there too.. and a BF who told me I was revolting.. but for me I had to realise that a) my relationship with my ex WASN'T healthy for me b) he was most probably gay and that explained alot of my rejection issues c) my mum was passing her dissatisfaction with her body on to me d) I wanted to lose the weight for myself so I didn't feel so crappy adn tired all the time

I know this sounds really stupid, but perhaps instead of saying anything directly to your friend or loved one, just keep on inviting them to come and do physical stuff with you,.eventually they will think, "geez, i would enjoy this stuff a lot more if I was a bit lighter" also if they come along they are hopefully enjoying some form of exercise, even if it is just a slow walk in the park and they might get the bug!

It depends on the person but a lot of people react negatively to such a personal issue and will actually eat more when people tell them they shouldn't eat so much. But then other people need outside stimulae to kick them into gear. Tread lightly!!

My story: What spurred me to start losing weight was a comment from my mother. I had gained around 20 lbs a year throughout my 5 years of college, mostly due to depression. I didn't care if I was healthy or not. I was finally able to kick the depression once I graduated, but the weight has been tougher. I was so used to how I was, I had friends, I was having fun, I didn't think my weight was important. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt! But finally my mom took me out to brunch one day, sat me down, and told me that she was very worried about my health, as I was now 90 lbs heavier than my lowest weight in high school (which was around 160, I probably could've stood to lose 10 lbs then, no big deal). Hearing it in that perspective was entirely different. Growing up, she always wanted me to lose weight because she wanted me to be one of the pretty, popular girls. But I wasn't. I was the "fat" kid, even though I wasn't really fat, I was just bigger than the other kids as I've been 5'11" and large framed since I was 10 years old.

Anyways, I think what it boils down to is how you present it, and where the other person is. If the other person is in denial, nothing you say is going to get through to them. Kind of like with an alcoholic, or an addict, the other person has to want to change for it to happen.

Ok, when I saw this comment I felt like it was coming from myself. I also wonder about these same topics. Because how do you approach someone without offending them that they need to lose weight. I've always been open with my friends and my family, I was overweight my highest was 146lbs and I was young, not once did my mom say one thing to me or my friends, and they love to say "your not fat" when deep inside you know you are not where your suppose to be or wnat to be you need to do something about it.

My mom gained weight after her surgery and she jumped from a size 7 that I always saw her in to a size 18 her highest. And I didn't know how to say anything because I knew she was depressed and my step father had cheated on her and she thought it was because of her appearance. Well she basically came back to a size 9 now but from stress and not being able to eat. The thing is she always wondered why noone said anything to her, i mean when my sisters got into an argument with her they'd be quick to disrespect her and call her names. but I was always there to stick up for her and try to bounce her from it. I feel that people need to realize it on their own because then they'll realize they need to do something. It's like you can only help someone so far before they have to take the rest on their own. Like an alcoholic or something they dont want to be told they have a drinking problem, they must realize it on their own and change it.

Ive always been known as the big boob curly haired girl who was one of the popular girls, and as you know there aren't many 'bigger' popular girls so to speak when I was in school. So that really hurt and I changed that big time. now i look at my pics from then and now and I have NO boobs. lol I dont knwo I just realized I wasn't ahppy where I was and I can't believe my friends or family never mentioned that I should at least just drop a few problems even with my heart problems and asthma it really does hurt.

I don't know when I saw this i had to put my 2 cents in but i'm in a rush I have class this morning and theres a nice fresh 3 inches of snow on the ground which means everyone will drive like they've never seen snow. UH

It depends on your relationship with the person and their relationship with their body - if they express a want to be healthier, then I think it's wonderful if you can share some insight, but unwanted attention isn't going to help either one of you. I honestly didn't even realize that I was so unhealthy - I only sometimes noticed that I was fat. I had no idea what to eat, what calories meant, why one should exercise, etc., etc. I was the only one that was going to be able to change my mind. I think for the most part, people know when they are fat, though they may not think of themselves as unhealthy. I really think that it's something a person has realize on their own - if they want your help after that initial point, then I think that is the time to step up.

my mom was anorexic and my gma was a yo yo dieter my entire life. I was constantly being told I was fat when I WASN'T and then I started to yoyo myself to a higher and higher weight until I finally WAS fat. People have to realize on their own, telling them they're fat is ridiculous...thank you captain obvious! I HATED being told I was fat for "my own good"

Well, I have 2 examples that I'll try to make short & sweet and both happened to me less than 3 days ago...

My bf & I got into an argument bc he needed to go grocery shopping while I was at work & didn't. I got really mad bc he had all day to do it, but to get down to it, he refused bc he went shopping last week and bought lots of good (healthy) things to eat that I let go to waste. He was so hurt that I would think he was being lazy, and he told me that he wants me to be heathly & how frustrating it was for him that he would put all good things in the house and I still wouldn't make good decisions about my eating. He basically said he doesn't want me to be sad anymore, but that I have to make some kind of initiative. I don't know why I acted that way, but needless to say he's gonna have a GOOD valentine's...

My mom called me at work Friday to tell me that my younger sister has type 2 diabetes, and that she must work out 30 min a day and have nothing white from now on, so they can see if food & exersize can control it. She's 16, 5'4'' and 210 lbs. She's always been extremely sensitive to her weight, and being a yoga teacher, I have tried to get her to do gentle exersizing w/ me but this girl refused to practice any kind of control and now she has to. I feel so bad, bc my whole family is overweight, and I don't think she has any guidance. I am going to be her way around and get her to the gym. I'm giving her my gazelle for a start to see if that will work. Ugh, I tried to keep it short. Take it for what its worth. I'm sure its different for everyone, but it takes a lot more than saying you need help. It takes someone saying I'll help you.

My father used to tell me "your *** is wider than your shoulders" and in one class I had I'd walk in and hear 'mooing'. I laugh about it now-I'm 40 now and 15 when this happened. That summer I started jogging with my dad and dropped 36 lbs by the time I started my junior year of high school. I've kept it off(but now want to drop another 10 lbs). It happened so long ago but I so vividly remember those incidents.
Don't come right out and tell someone they are overweight. Introduce new healthy foods,and suggest going for a walk together or other exercise. Chances are pretty good she knows it(and don't jump her/him when she/he eats a twinkie!).

wow i read these and get kind of sad. i mean i grew up in the same type of household most of yall did. my dad would tell me to stop eating ... like all the time. my mom and gm had eating disorders and yo yo'd forever. im sure youve heard this one too... when my gm said that i was looking good cuz ive lost weight... but my butt was still big. thanks grandma. its so hard no adays telling someone that they need to slow down and consider what they are putting into there mouth and excerise. people are really sensitive about things like this. i think also it is something they need to figure out on there own. i did... you know crying and having breakdowns b/c you dont fit into anything and your TIRED of feeling the way you do. but it wont hurt to give them a gentle push in the right way. but i think thats what it comes down to... is feeling tired and you cant go on in the current state thats what pushes change.