Morning Everyone!

Wanted to get the weekly thread started so we could move forward from this past week. My plan of recovery for this week is:

I. Physical
1. The Food Plan
a. Write down everything I eat
b. Try to reduce sugar consumption
c. Report my food this week

2. Excercise
a. Do something 5 days of the week

II.Spiritual
1. Daily
a. One inspirational reading
b. 15 min of OA literature
c. Say a prayer

2. Weekly
a. Meditate one day
b. Yoga one day

III. Emotional
1. Daily
a. Report here everyday
b. call 2 people and ask about them
c. write something for 15 min about how I feel

2. Weekly
a. Call my sponsor
b. Do step work for 15 min during the week
c. Go to 2 meetings

Well this is what I am willing to do my recovery this week. what are you willing to do?

Gratitude List:
1. I am grateful today for my friends who seem to find me when I am at my lowest and pull me
2. I am grateful for my dysfunctional family
3. I am grateful for the job that provides for them
4. I am grateful for clean water
5. I am grateful that I have a home to go to today
6. I am grateful for God's grace
7. I am grateful that there is a plan
8. I am grateful for canned food
9. I am grateful for today
10. I am grateful that I can be grateful

I will respond to everyone personally later on today. I love and miss you gals! for hiding out my med switch has been pretty bad
Chris

Yea, Chris is feeling better! I liked your plan and gratitude list.

I really need to do something about my sugar consumption, too. I've been an M&M freak lately. My goal this week is to chose more nutritionally dense foods, and see junk food for what it is, not how it makes me feel emotionally.

And I plan to write a lot - I found this weekend that writing - just fantasies, not journaling - relieved a lot of stress. I don't really like to journal anymore, because I end up obsessing about my unhappiness. But writing stories that illustrate the life I want feels good.

My gratitude list:

1. Rain - our lawn needs it, and it's free. I just hope Jeanne doesn't blow all our grass seed away.
2. My DS - who said "Uh-oh" for the first of many, many times yesterday.
3. Microwaves - without which I would never eat anything remotely healthy.
4. My church - which gives me perspective and an opportunity to serve.
5. My DD - who's my sensitive, loving girl who just needs a little more direction.

Hope everyone has a good Monday. Thanks for checking in, Linoleum! I hope to hear more from you soon!

I am in a place where I just don't feel like working very hard for my recovery. It will blow over.

Jennelle, get back in here and white knuckle it. These are the moments where program is an even bigger deal than normal. I let my program lax too much over the summer and nearly lost it all (abstinence, sanity, etc...). I don't advise it. Anyway, I am (we all are) here for you, so please come back and share with us some more.

Tracy, microwaves will be in my gratitude list today, too. How funny.

Chris, loved, loved, loved your post.

What I am willing to do this week with my program:

*Go to 5 f2f morning meetings
*Email my sponsor my food every day and a plan for the following day
*Reach out to HP, especially when negative thoughts start dancing around my head
*Eat mucho fruits and veggies
*Journal every night
*workout after work the next 4 days plus on Saturday

Gratitude list for the day:

*Microwaves! Ours is slowly dying so DH bought a new one yesterday. This means I get to bring the crappy one to my office - hot, healthy lunches!
*Trader Joe's, because they offer such a selection and have so many foods I can honor my body with
*My morning OA meditation meeting this morning
*The serenity prayer, 'nuff said

I thought I would make it back yesterday. Well I was awke for about 20 hours (I did my workout yesterday morning), my bodies answer was to sleep for almost the same. I did manage to wake up to brush my teeth and shower and do some of the spiritual and emotional things on my list.

Yes Tracy I am writing just to write. Whatever comes in my head. Yesterday I wrote about my dream that I had and OMG! There was so much good stuff in there. I was dreaming about my dissatifaction in my life in a very clear cut way. It seems sometimes like we overthink what is bothering us and it starts the hamster wheel turning.The last thing I wrote down though was "The measure of a person is what they do when they become aware" So I am going to sit on it and hopefully some more answers will come.

Tracy-FIRST WORDS!!!!!! Oh how cool. We were talking about that at work the other night. Kids are so cute. Bastians first word was "Baby" he would almost sing it "Baaaaaaaaby" when he could put 2 words together he would sing, 'Haaaaaaaaaaaapieee Baaaaaaaaby" Keep us updated on your recovery plan and your kiddos

CJ- I am so glad your getting better and getting to know all your nieces so well. Family is a beautiful thing. Did you see clean water on my gratitude list

Jenelle- I loved the card sweetie! I am with Kat, write about whatever and do some white-knucking. WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! Do you need a call?

Kat- In October I will go to flex and then I am going to try to up my meetings. It makes you feel so good! Its awesome that you get to take the microwave. I never even think how blessed I am to have full kitchens at my job. Of course when the guys are baking cookies it doesn't feel like a blessing Do you read "Voices of Recovery" or "For Today". I loved the daily from Voices yesterday. Something about Abstinece must come first for me to work the steps.

By the way my Step Sponsor has released me. Actually I think this is a good thing, but I also am a little sad. So now I am going to look for promptings from HP to find a new sponor.

Christy, Lonoleum, Skippy, Sandi, lurkers, and anyone else

My gratitude list:
1. Beds to sleep in
2. Friends who understand
3. Finacial options
4. Family
5. SOAP!
6.
Chris

Hi chickas. I'm feeling pretty shaky today. Don't like where I am, want a new life. I hate the mess in my house, I hate my marriage, I hate that I didn't go back to school and do what I wanted because I was afraid to be alone. I hate that I didn't wait for a lovely guy, a kind, perfect guy. Maybe I wish I WAS that kind, perfect person.

I tried to call him yesterday (the kind, perfect, lovely person who has much greener grass on his side of the fence), and he was at lunch. Secretary told me when he'd be back, so I called again, but oddly, he was still out. Hmmm. Even I can take a hint, God. So I called my friend in Texas instead. Then DH got home, and the evening went downhill from there.

We have kids, this needs to work out, but my heart isn't in it. I can't blame him for this, this is from me. I'm missing who I should have been and who I should have been with. I'm hanging on, but I don't really want to. HP can step in any time and tell me what to do. I'm going to surrender and listen. But there's the truth.

So, I think I'll feel a little better if this house isn't such a wreck. If I were still in college, I'd be drunk right now, but that's not acceptable for SAHMs. Hence the need for chocolate. Or Valium. I'll try to stick with depressing music.

I love you girls. Thanks for being there. ((Jennelle)) - come dump it here, it's easy, see?

Hi Chris, Kat, Anna, Michelle, Christy, Sandi, Linoleum, Vanessa, Skippy, CJ!!

My wonderful sixth graders are currently at P.E. I have 10 minutes before I have to walk over there to pick them up.

My loving choice was to go buy some Flintstones vitamins yesterday. I want to make sure my body is getting everything it needs. Plus, they're yummy.

Hey ladies! How is everyone?? I'm doing ok, slowly making it toward Friday with the sweet reward of my 3 day weekend. I wish I had alot to say but pretty much, my life has been going pretty much the same, taking it ODAT. I'm slowly trying to accept that there are things I can not change and I do make mistakes.... and it's ok when I do! I know something is going to happen soon... you know that weird feeling you get, like something is going to explode? But I think it's going to be positive b/c I've been praying that our HP will guide me toward the right path. I think it hit me when I was driving the other day and I was listening to "I will remember you" by Sarah McLachlan. Weird, but somehow mystical. I guess I care too much for others than myself? LOL I don't know... I'm here living and breathing and right now, that's all that matters.
Chris-Hi ya sweetheart!! I'm glad your here!! I knew you could pull yourself out of it! Although life throws us curve balls, I'm glad you took a swing
Tracy-Hey I know things are not that cool for you at the moment and that your thinking about the past... Do what you need to do, don't let life pass you by. You are who you are for a reason, and that's something we can't change. Hang in there, we're all here if you thinking your going to fall
Kat- Microwaves are great!! I intentionally burn my poporn b/c I love it that way! So weird, but it floats my boat!
Jennelle- Just let it all loose sister.. That's why we are here, to listen and to sympathize. We might not know all the right answers, but we have an idea where you are coming from... we've been there too.
Hello to Christy, CeeJay, Michelle, Linoleum, Anna, Sandi, Skippy.. anyone else feel free to join! I hope you gals are doing ok and taking it ODAT..
Until next time,
Love
Vanessa

I like chewable vitamins too. I don't take mine otherwise. Viactiv is great too when I can afford it...

things are going a bit better this week. saturday, sunday, and yesterday, I made good choices for eating and exercising. Today was ok. I was thrown off because I ate breakfast too early. I am still on track (barely) and I get the feeling that if I don't watch out this could spiral out of control. Luckily my bf is coming for dinner. This is part of my overall recovery plan which he is helping me with. He is eating dinner with me three nights this week. (We usually only see each other one night during the week, and then all weekend) This will mean that I eat regular meals in the PM. Usually I skip dinner in order to stay within my calorie budget (years of dieting, I can't help count calories, it's innate) and replace it with a snack. Which turns into another snack. Which eventually metamorphosizes, usually, into a binge. This will help me anchor myself during the day because usually i justify overeating by telling myself I'll eat less for dinner. This way, I can't justify overeating. Then again it rarely needs that much justification...another thing I am trying to do is to "legalize" all foods. I am telling myself that I can eat anything I want to. Its weird (and this is why it works) because when I tell myself I can actually have something, I want it less. For example, I was standing in line at the drug store staring at all the candy bars. Usually when I see them I think "Oh I wish I could eat that" and it just makes me feel guilty even if I don't eat one. But today, I thought, "I could have one if I wanted" and then when I thought about which one I wanted, I didn't really want any at all.

anyhow here's what I'm grateful for:

my apartment, my job, and my boyfriend (I am very lucky to have them all)
the city I live in
Whole Foods (makes legalizing foods a whole lot easier)
my friends
ice cold spring water from the water cooler
ice cold soy milk
books that finally come out in paperback after months in hardcover
my mom (she drives me crazy but she has done so much for me)
my grandparents

Hi all,
Just another quick entry. My uncle is away from the computer.

I need to explore my recovery needs. But right now I'm not stressed about anything so I am doing good in food and water. I have exercised the past two day's. Yesterday was outside and this walking shoe the podiatrist gave me is not for walking so I rode the bike downstairs today.

Feeling much better and am ready for October the 5th to get here. I'm mentally ready to go back to work. I hope the doc say's I'm physically ready.

Hello girls! It is I, she who does stupid sh*& with food, returning to the fold. I'd put an eye rolling smilie here, but my computer locks up when I try to use them. (Insert another one there!)

Kat -- Sorry to hear about your parents' separation. Like everyone else, I hope he can find his way to sobriety and they can work things out. Hugs to you...you've been through so much lately!

Chris -- Your recovery plan looks great! I should try to get one of those, huh? Keep posting whenever you can. You give me hope that someday I'll *get it*, too.

Tracey -- Out of curiosity (or sheer nosiness), how long have you been married? I know that I've gone through periods like you describe at certain points throughout my marriage, too. It's tough, but sometimes it will pass. And I'm not trying to diminish what you're going through at all. This is just an observation about my own experience. Whatever you decide you need to do, we're here to support you!

banana -- Glad you're back, too! Looks like several of us went AWOL last week!

Vanessa -- Three day weekend...sounds lovely! Do something wonderful and let me live vicariously through you. LOL

Jennelle -- Enjoy those Flintstone's chewables. Are you feeling like you're more on solid ground now?

ceejay -- It sounds like you are doing quite well now! I loved your description of your new little friends. Too cute!

I've been feeling cruddy toward myself lately. And, of course, instead of just accepting that I've had some bad days...felt a little bluesy...etc., I've been telling myself that I've already become immune to my meds and I'm on the downhill slide to hating myself again. There's no middle ground with me. I'm either feeling wonderful or feeling like crap. So I've been doing the "Hide yourself, you worthless fat slob routine" and beating myself up inside even while I'm being Mrs. got it all together and organized on the outside. I dunno...I'm a freak. (insert sad and confused smilie here)

Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. I'm trying not to isolate. (Hee, hee sounds familiar, right Chris?) I guess my recovery plan right now is to try to come here everyday and interact with you gals who know where I'm coming from.

Off to grade papers,
Christy

Hi ladies,

Chris, I have both those books but I can't remember the last time I picked up Voices. I'll have to make it a nightly ritual again. For Today is actually the book my meditation meeting uses.

Tracy, hugs to you, hun, what you're dealing with is hard and no fun.

Vanessa, I'm envious of your 3 days weekend - what's it for?

Banana, Maybe you can always schedule dinner with someone to keep you on track? If not with bf, maybe with a friend?

Jennelle, glad you popped in - now come back and chat a bit more!

Ceejay, hope your doc gives you good news!

Christy, thanks hun! Yes, this year has been full of ups and downs (a bit heavy of the downs, too ). I don't know what I would have done without this program.

Well, I ended up sleeping in instead of going to my meeting. I actually think it was what HP wantd - I was exhausted. And didn't give myself a guilt trip. But I will definitely go tomorrow, since it is one of my favorite meeting set ups (readings out of Abstinence and OA).

I bought Joss Stone's new album today and get to go to a free concert of hers next week. I'm excited for that.

DH and I are going for a walk in a bit for our workout.

Have a good evening, ladies!

Hi kids. I felt totally insane yesterday. Come to find out it was the full moon. Shock.

Hey Christy, I do stupid **** with food, too! Glad to see you. I know that all or nothing feeling. I have to be perfect or I'm failing. To answer your question, we've been married for 7 years now. My SIL says that's a hard year, what do you think?

CeeJay - I'm glad you're feeling so good!!

Hellos to everyone else - I've got to get the kids ready for Matt's therapy appointment. BBL!

Hey girls! I thought I would post early since I'm going out later on this evening. My day was pretty much the same, dealt with different crisis's and tried to give the best advice I could think of.. LOL Tommorow we can wear jeans at work and everyone is psyched.. LOL That's sad that we get really worked up about wearing blue jeans. I'm going to go ahead with the certification still, but I may have to sign a contract with them stating I will work there for another year or 2 after I get my certification.. and that is deterring me at the moment.. This could be my meant-to-be job and I'm just in denial about it... LOL
Christy-I shall sleep in, watch 90210 and prop my feet up while being fed grapes and cookies by a Brad Pitt look alike.. LOL sound fun?
Kat-We all have to work one saturday a month, so each of us has a 3 day weekend before the Saturday we are scheduled to work... It balances it out to 40hours somehow, I'm not complaining
Tracy-Hey Gal, I'm glad you posted today! I wouldn't know if 7 years is a rough year or not, I've only had one serious relationship that lasted a year and a half... and it felt like 30years! Let the HP guide you to your answer, I guess we don't always have to know what to do all the time.. Hang in there
Chris, Michelle, CeeJay, Anna, Skippy, Linoleum, Sandi- How are you girls doing?? Let's make it over Hump day together!
Until Next time...
God Bless
Vanessa

Hey! We get to wear jeans at work tomorrow, too! It's Homecoming Week and because we are in such a tiny town, the elementary school participates in the dress-up days, too. Tomorrow's Jeans and Jerseys day. I need to buy a jersey tonight. I've got my heart set on a Brett Favre jersey (hubba hubba! He seriously makes my heart skip a beat!) but I will probably have a hard time finding one down here. My second would be an Eli Manning jersey, but he plays for the Giants now and that's going to be even harder!

I am eating good food. I went out to dinner last night with son and hubby and made good choices.

My son got his acceptance letter to University of Missouri-Columbia today. Pretty exciting stuff.