Sept 12 from "God Calling"
The eye of the soul is the will. If your one desire is My Kingdom, to find that Kingdom, then truly shall your whole body be full of light.
When you are told to seek first the Kingdom of God, the first step is to secure your will is for that Kingdom. A single eye to your HP.....Know no values but Spiritual values. No profit but that of Spiritual gain. Seek in all things HP first...............Walk with Me. Talk to Me. Here lies your true happiness.

The Lesson of Centering
Too many bright colors
Can blind your eyes.
Too much sound deafen your ears
Too much spice
Can burn your tongue.
Wanting more
Can drive us crazy.
Therefore the Tao woman
Rejects excess.
Turns from the Externals.
Embraces the inner wisdom- Tao 12

I just wanted to get the weekly thread started with some things to think about. Being thinking alot about centering and living in the moment. My brain always wants to jump 10 steps ahead of itself and when I am doing that am I really seeking HP's counsel. If I can turn over the food what other things may I turn over that our driving me out of the present today?

Gratitude List to Start Off the Week:
1. My relationship with HP
2. My family, friends, and co-workers. In fact most the people Iknow are lovely.
3. Tea and crackers for upset stomachs.
4. Poetry to stir the passions of the heart.
5. Love in all its many forms.
6. My job as it is.
7. The sound of a friends voice that is glad to hear from you.
8. A new day to begin.
9. Toliets that flush, antibiotics, and indoor plumbing for hot baths.
10. That I can read and write and all those people who write stuff for me to read.
11. Music of all types. Be grateful thatI can hear.
12. The pink of the sky when the sun is rising.
13. Holding hands.
14. Food that nourishes me.
15. Dreams that can come true.

U ALL! Check in and I will be back to say howdy!
Chris

Good morning, Chris!! Did you have a lovely pink sunrise in Nebraska, too? The glow from it woke me up!

Great gratitude list!

Kat - I hope you had a lovely time with DH and HP yesterday.

My list:

1. My crazy kitties
2. My chitlins
3. My friends at church
4. Diaper wipes
5. zwiffer wet-jet mops (DD peed all over the kitchen floor yesterday - again)

I'll BBL as well!

Chris, that was really pretty! oxo Thanks for putting that here.

Tracy, you are so cute...I was always thankful for diaper wipes too!

I'll be back later also.

I was wondering, do any of you ever do yahoo chats together? You can have up to 10 people in them (on the messengers), would anyone be interested in chatting together, like a group chat? Or do you do that already? Being that I am also a "chat" addict, I thought I'd ask, lol.

Hi everyone. I was wondering if I could join you guys here in this forum. I've posted on the 20 somethings forum before, but pretending to be a dieter when I've suffered from various ED forms for 6 years only triggered more bingeing and restricting behaviors. Anyhow for some time now I've been feeling rather obsessive and I've been bingeing a lot...and I think that thoughts about food and calories are wasting a lot more of my time than they should for someone who's supposedly in recovery. I've lurked in this forum a couple times and it seems to be a better place for me because I can talk about EDs without too much explanation, and I've been wanting to get the ED thoughts outta my head for quite some time. Anyhow I would love to get to know you all better and I hope you have a good morning!

thanks,

anna

Welcome Anna we are glad to have you. These are amazing ladies at every stage of recovery from food addiction here!

Skippy- Most of us transfer addictions. whenever I go completely off sugar the first month I can't keep cigarettes in the house, I freaking chain smoke. Its disgusting. I hate the fact that I smoke anyway and to be a slave to it

I can do Yahoo chat if my computer will stay online, they also have a chat room at 3FC I could ask Jen or Suzanne to hook us up if you would like?

Tracy- You reminded me of another thing to be grateful for! That my kiddo is out of diapers and toliet traing. Though I do have some fond memories of potty training. Sebastian was about 2-1/2 to 3 and he had gotten the pee thing down and we were still working on what to do with #2. He wore big boys underwear. Well I am walking up the stairs, and there is a turd in the middle of the stairs, and I am like "What the heck?" On the top of the landing there is another one, and I look in the living room and there is my son standing on top of a chair changing the TV channel with one hand and holding his underwear aside with the other so the poop is dropping on the ground instread of making a dirty in the underwear We had a talk and I showed him where poop goes Now at 13 its mostly about aim Men sometimes do't get it at 30, at 13 its just out of control

Michelle- Ballet? Its a yoga chick But I think you would make a lovely ballerina. There is an episode of "Vicar of Dibley" where Dawn French adorns the Tu Tu! Lovely and funny! So how is SAHM going? (PS. Dr. Phil pisses me off when he tries to compare jobs. I think being a SAHM is hard, I would kill kids if I had to hang out with them all day. I have one child and work bcause God knows my limits )

Kat-Cool nature walk and meditation. We are more than a number on a scale, but its so easy to see it that way.

Jenelle- Mandy Patinkin is a total hotty and part of it is just the way he talks, but you know I got a thing for older men Dead like Me is on either HBO or Showtime I don't know I rented it. TV on my terms. How is school?

Vanessa- Michael Anthony Hall is in the "Dead Zone" on USA. Its a pretty good show but they keep moving it around, I think they are just looking for enough episodes for syndication and to sell it on DVD. My favorite horror film? I love a mystery with suspense. Its hokey but I really liked "The Ring" and anything that has a cool set-up. Hitchcock was the man, by M. Night Shylaman is making a nice replacement. And on that note my favorite is probably "What Lies Beneath" because I love the story and the filming is freaking beautiful. Some of the camera angles at the end are just amazing.

Christy- You were right on about using harsh judgemental words with labels. My sponsor says I have to quit telling people what I am and letting them make up their own minds. But then again my husband says I soften too many words like saying "purge" instead of "Eating forcefully with the intention of making myself vomit" not quite as pretty huh? So where is gradschool at lady? Still loving your kids?

Most my nausea is gone but I am having some serious hot flashes. I feel like I am on fire from inside me.


Chris

Chris OMG Dawn french!! Is that the chick from Absolutely Fabulous?!! OMg I love that show so hilarious! I've been doing so well with my eating lately I'm proud about being on track even though work is crazy lol. How are you sweet thing?

Tonight however was hard, the little girl featured in my siggie passed away tonight at 11:05 pm central time, she is now where she truely belongs flying high with the angels. Please say a prayer that her family finds strength and eventually peace through all of this.

I hope you are all doing well tonight!
I'm at work so I have to make this a short one.
Love to you all
Michelle

When they are that little the angels have them right away. Prayers for her family and all that mourn for the passing of "what could have been". God does have aplan for each of us.

Chris

I am having a hard time getting back to waking up early. I am just exhausted!

Going to an AA BB OA meeting in a few but wanted to say hi.

Welcome Anna!

Michelle, sorry for your loss.

Today's affirmation:

I will be happy for others' accomplishments and will not be jealous of them.

I'm sorry for your loss also, and for the family! Love & Prayers from me as well! oxo

Chris, I think it would be way cool if we could all do the chat sometime. I know life is busy though, so no hurry, just whenever.

Thanks and Hugs to all the nice, encouraging and supportive replies after I let the coffee get to me, and rambled about my "younger" days. I love you all. You have become part of me now. oxo

My youngest is still asleep, and I've been skipping my Bible reading way too much lately, so I'm going to try and read some before she wakes up. I'll be back later.

Have a great day, Chris, Kat, Tracy, Vanessa, Jennelle, Christy, Michelle,CJ, Linoleum, Sandi, Anna....and everyone else!

You ladies are great!!

Kat I LOVE your affirmation for today! Perfect!!

Skippy I hope you are doing well

Chris LOL I thought it was a ballerina stretching she looks so graceful but then again I suppose yoga chicks do

Oh, Michelle, how terribly sad. My heart goes out to her family.

I spent this morning running errands for DH. I need to come up with an action plan to make my life my own. I resent him for all the things I haven't done or never got to try, and it's only going to get worse. I can't live like this the rest of my life. So we (I) need to renegotiate things, and I need to get off my *** and change what needs changing. My ED is on the list. I need the help of my HP, for sure, but I have some say in this, too.

My gratitude list:

1. That we're financially stable
2. That DH seems willing to work on our relationship
3. That I have interests that inspire me to change
4. That I have friends who support me (shoutin' out to ya'll!)
5. That my HP has a purpose for me and will help me on my way.

All the sheet in my life has led me to this moment, so I'm not going to dwell on regrets. Here I am.

Love you all!!

Hey girls! Welcome Anna! The past two days have been well, work has been the normal routine. I finally bought my niece a gift, it was her christening Sunday so I bought her a little pumpkin outfit that has a pumpkin top as a hat and a baby's first piggy bank. I now know how buying for your niece becomes addicting! A friend bought a bag of candy corn and gave it to me... Ohhh how sweet it is..LOL It takes me back to my trick or treat nights everytime I take a bite. What did you guys dress up as for Halloween? I was a witch, the karate kid, a devil, a punk rocker...
Chris-Hey gal! I love Alfred Hitchcock movies also, but I love 80's horror and vampire movies. The Lost Boys, Children of the Corn, Witchboard, Fright Night, etc. M.Night Shaylaman is going to become a great director. I saw the Village and was very pleased, except for the ending.. It was very different from the basis of the movie itself. I saw a preview for a movie called SAW... and all I have to say is wow.
Michelle-I'm very sorry for your loss.. May I ask what a "siggie" is? Her family is def. in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you are staying on track though!
Kat-Great affirmination! Sometimes I think that is why some friends and family go separate ways, they are envious of what they have. It's sad that something like that would break up a strong bonding b/w people.
Skippy- How's the coffee going? I've had one can of diet coke today and that's it. I'm running on the pleasures of life sista! Read your bible!
Tracy-I'm super glad you want to change! That's very courageous of you to step it up like that. You can do anything in this whole world, I believe nothing can stop anyone to do what their heart desires. What are your interests??
Hey to CeeJay, Linoleum, Sandi, Anna, Christy, Jennelle! I hope you guys are safe and doing well! My prayers are with you all!
I'm off to tinkle and to see how the rest of the day is going to unfold.
Sleep tight and sweet dreams!
love
vanessa

This probably belongs in a journal or something, but since you gals understand I am going to tell you what I have been thinking about. Surrender. I am looking around my house and wodering how much I have surrenderd. I own alot of self-help and diet books still. Is the voice of God filtered through the ideas of what I think is "best for me". When do I give up and just truly try to listen to God and my body. I have broken my hunger button, I have lists in my head of "good" and "bad" foods, I have other lists of calories. Rarely do I ask myself am I being nourished by this moment? Am I present? Am I listening for what is best for me? I seek, and seek, and seek when if I would trust HP I could maybe accept what I have already found. Once again acceptance and surrender come up to bite me and say , "Chris, relax, go gently, God is your guide" And how long does it take to enforce my self-will. Today I would like to surrender to today, one minute at a time. To eat rice, when I eat rice.

I will try to come back and reply to everyone. Have a beautiful, blessed day.
Chris

Sorry to have been out of the loop for a couple of days! I was, ummm, too busy doing stupid s%^t with food to post. Yuck. Haven't had an episode in quite awhile and don't really know what triggered it other than fatigue. Anyhoo...

Hello to everybody!

Michelle -- So sorry for the loss of that beautiful baby girl! My prayers are with her family and all those who loved her. Hugs to you...

Tracey -- Great gratitude list! I hear you about that hubby resenting thing. I'm all over that one this evening!

skippy -- You can let loose with whatever you need to here. I'm so glad to be getting to know you all. It's giving me such a more rounded perspective on life outside of my little world! You're terrific!

Vanessa -- Ugh...can't do horror movies! I'm such a chicken. Now a good Hitchcock movie is another thing altogether. Rear Window is one of my all time faves! Can't do Psycho though. Maybe one day I'll grow up enough to watch. LOL

anna -- Welcome! Jump in whenever you feel like it!

Kat -- Love that affirmation! I'm ashamed to say that that is something I have to conciously set aside regularly. Makes me disappointed with myself every time.

Chris -- Your surrender makes perfect sense to me! I've finally gotten rid of all but two (?) of my diet/self-help books. And they no longer call to me when I go to the bookstore. Maybe there's hope for me after all!

Well, ladies, I'm a grad school drop out. I contacted the university and expressed my concern over the track the program was going versus what we were told it was going to be. Apparently they have decided to go in the higher level direction and that just doesn't meet my needs right now. I know that I'm intellectually capable of doing it, but it would be hard and would require more time and effort than I'm willing to invest right now. Plus, in the end it will be something I can't really use except to say "Hey, by the way. I have a Master's degree!" I thought I would be more disappointed than I am. DH is quite disappointed in me and I'm not liking that. I don't believe my degrees are any of his business, actually. They don't concern him and I won't do something with MY career just to please HIM. Harsh? Maybe, but he doesn't really let my feelings about a matter figure greatly into his decision making process. He has made some major decisions that went completely opposite of what I told him I thought. Those decisions affected our whole family, not just himself. As far as I am concerned, my career is mine and mine alone. Yikes, I'm sounding a little angrier than I really feel. I think I'd better step away from this one for awhile! LOL

Well, I'm going to go and relax with a book. I'm reading The Pact by Jodi Picoult. Very good, but so sad. I also recently read The Lovely Bones. Have any of you read it? I had trouble sleeping afterward; it really moved me. It was disturbing though. I couldn't wait to give it back to my sister so it wasn't around for me to dwell on. I think when I finish this one I need to search out some light reading! LOL

Okay, enough from Chatty Christy. You may now return to your regularly scheduled message board.

Love and Hugs,
Christy

Christy - That's one thing I'm grateful to my husband for. When I finally worked up the courage to tell him (with full-on tears!) that I couldn't hack a forensic science degree and was changing my major once and for all to English, he looked at me and said, "That's all that's bothering you?" Then he gave me the advice that I'm giving you: It doesn't matter if you major in 19th century French poetry (we like the movie "Groundhog Day"), as long as you are passionate about it. Good for you for not sticking with something that you totally hate just to please others! (BTW: Could the recent turmoil and your husband's reaction have anything to do with the fact that you're doing stupid **** with food?)

Chris - Girly, I LOVE what you started the thread with! It's so true. It all boils down to "Shut up and listen." I'm having my own struggles with shutting up and listening. I have also been doing stupid **** with food. That food plan I sent you yesterday? Whatever. It was a "plan," but I certainly didn't follow it in any way, shape or form. I thought it was important to be honest about that. Here's to ODAT!

I'm tired. I need to sleep! Night all !